On one hand, I think setting expectations for yourself is a great thing. If I didn’t have high expectations for myself I wouldn’t have just finished university, I wouldn’t be training for a marathon etc.

However, I think that setting expectations for someone else, is a bad idea.

When we first moved to Kamloops 23 months ago, I had all these expectations of what our life would be like. Eric was going to find a great job right away and I was going to go to school and we were going to meet tons of new people and have lots of friends and life was going to be just perfect.

When none of these expectations were met I found myself spiraling into this really unhappy place. Not only had I just moved 1,000 km away from everything I’d ever known, I’d also set all these ridiculously high expectations for our new life and not a single one of them happened. Not one.

So this time, I’m not setting any expectations.

I’m trying really, really hard to avoid the daydreams of Eric finding the perfect job RIGHT AWAY and everything being just perfect.

Because I know it won’t work that way.

Instead, I am focusing really hard on how unbelievably excited I am to see Eric on Sunday night. How I can’t wait to spend all day Monday hanging out and doing some of our favourite things like playing tennis or going to the movie.

When I start to get anxiety-inducing thoughts of it being November and him still not having a job, or us running out of money, or us fighting all the time because he isn’t job-searching hard enough I acknowledge the thoughts, and then I push them away. I remind myself that I am not setting expectations and I will cross those bridges when/if I come to them.

So, here’s to NOT setting expectations. Here’s to pushing my type-A personality away and going-with-the-flow. Here’s to my love coming back after being long-distance for 11 months.

We made it through that, we can make it through this.

I’m actually getting teary-eyed writing this so I’m going to leave you with this:

The next time you hear from me, Eric will be here too! And that? Is perfect.

It’s been awhile since I did a Friday Five post and I know my IRL friend Tammy (Hi Tam!) enjoys them so here we go.

One.

I was talking to my friend Tiffany on Facebook yesterday and she was telling me about her latest dating escapades etc. and then she said, “So, what’s new with you?” and I was kind of at a loss because nothing is really new. At all. I work, I run, I blog/read blogs and I do my freelance work. Oddly enough, it’s kind of nice not to have anything “new” going on right now. I’m still very busy, but overall life is good!

Two.

So remember how I wanted to lose weight? Well about three weeks ago I started calorie counting again on Spark People and whaddya know, I’m losing weight. I guess I *still* have not mastered intuitive eating. Will I ever? Sigh. But it’s working, I’m down 4 pounds in about 3 weeks.

Three.

I am so ready for Eric to be here already. Remember how I wanted to be independent and single and live alone? Ya, I’m over that. Not that I didn’t enjoy doing those things and think that it was a really important experience for me to spend the last year living alone, but now I’m done with it. 11 more sleeps, 11 more sleeps, 11 more sleeps…

Four.

Who else is watching Big Brother 12? Anyone? I remember last summer when I was obsessed with it there were barely any other fans. Boo to that. Big Brother is the one reality TV show I enjoy. Bachelor/Bachelorette? PLEASE, so fake and stupid. Survivor? Ditto. I don’t really care for all the drama/plotting on Big Brother but the competitions they have are hilarious. HILARIOUS. I still haven’t decided who I like this season, but I’m leaning towards Ragan, Matt and Brittany.

Five.

I’m currently almost done American Wife. After the blogger book club read it a couple of months ago and all blogged about it I couldn’t wait to get my hands on it but my library only had the audio version. So Becky was super sweet and mailed me her copy! I will do a full post on it next week, but it’s seriously SO GOOD. Like, one-of-the-best-books-I’ve-ever-read good. I am very sad that I’m almost done.

What are your Friday Five this week?

After sailing through – no, not just sailing through, actually excelling at it - being in a long-distance relationship for six months last year. I really didn’t think Eric moving away again two weeks ago would be a big deal.

I’m still busy. I work and do freelance on the side, I blog, I’m training for a marathon. I have a fairly active social life, spending time with friends 3-4 nights out of the week. I thought I’d be fine.

I’m not.

He’s not either.

Something is different. It’s harder this time. I get lonely more often. I don’t just get lonely, I get lonely for him. I’ll be sitting at home in the evening, going about my business and being perfectly fine and all of a sudden I’ll be overcome by an overwhelming feeling of sadness and loneliness.

It’s almost that same feeling like when you’re going through a break-up, ya know? It comes out of nowhere and knocks the wind out of you right when you’re least expecting it. Like when I find a dirty sock of his under the bed when bending over to pick up the laundry I dropped.

The indefinite thing; it doesn’t help. Last time we knew, six months, six months, six months. That’s what we kept telling ourselves. This time? No idea. Whatsoever. It’s indefinite. And that’s the hardest part.

Maybe it’s because we spent three weeks straight together and we’re both more attached? Maybe it’s because my life, while still busy, isn’t nearly as busy as it was the last time he left? I don’t know.

All I know is that it’s harder this time. Much harder. And I kind of hate it.

So that’s why I’m here to tell you that Eric is actively searching for a job in Kamloops at the moment. And, hopefully, by the end of 2010 we will finally, after nearly 6 years, be in a place where we can live together permanently. He will likely be going back to school full-time in September 2011, here in Kamloops. But we don’t want to wait that long. So for now, we’re both on the look-out for some kind of job – any kind of job really – so that he can move back here.

We’re hopeful.

Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer on a Friday. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. XO