Borrowing Lisa’s post idea from yesterday about what’s currently on my mind in bullet form…

Currently I’m…

- Not able to find the time, or energy, to write blog posts in the evening and schedule them for the next morning. Back to posting at random times it is.

- So, so, SO happy that today is my Friday and SO ready for a 4-day weekend.

- Very happy and excited that my grandparents are here for the Easter weekend. Very much looking forward to spending some time with them.

- Crossing my fingers and toes that I’m not injured. My left calf tightened up significantly after speedwork at the track last night. It was so tight I almost cried when I stepped out of bed this morning. Going to an early morning hot yoga class helped it a little but I’m off to the chiro for some ART in a couple of hours as well, just to be on the safe side.

- Ready for so many things to just be here already; the marathon, the wedding, our honeymoon, summer.

- Trying really hard to savour the little moments and the journey more.

- Still tired. But also really happy and content.

What would your list be starting with “Currently I’m…” ?

The truth is things haven’t been that great for me lately. It might be stress, it might be a bit of a spring/March funk, it might be both. I’ve felt a little bit like I’m drowning lately and this week I have been so, so tired.

One side of the coin: I’ve got a great new job that I really enjoy and challenges me daily, I’m marrying a man I love very, very much in three months time, I’m young and healthy with a huge support system and I have a home that I love in a city that I love. We are incredibly lucky to be relatively debt-free and make enough money to not only support ourselves / get by, but also save for bigger purchases.

Other side of the coin: I’m very busy at work and this leaves me mentally fatigued by the end of most days. Wedding planning is incredibly stressful and with only three months to go we have A LOT to do and A LOT more money to spend. I struggle to fit in my marathon training and cross-training. I constantly feel like I’m slipping when it comes to my duties as a friend and relative; not returning phone calls, bailing on dates, being hard to schedule time with. My home doesn’t feel like a “calm” place lately. It feels crowded and dirty and not somewhere I can truly relax because I’m always fretting about the mountain of laundry to be folded or the dust building up on the stairs. It sometimes feels like we will never have enough money to pay all our bills, save for traveling and vacations AND also tackle all the home reno projects that we want / feel like we need to do in the next few years. Unexpected car-related expenses have been popping up lately.

I feel like I’ve been climbing, climbing, climbing a really big hill the last several weeks with no breaks or downhills in there. Luckily, I think I’m just about at the top.

Tomorrow Eric and I are driving to the coast to see our wedding venue in person for the first time (!!!!) I’m hoping this is exactly what I need to get excited about wedding planning again. We are then spending a night in Vancouver and going to a Canucks game and Sunday morning I’m doing a 24 km run along the marathon course with Britt, which I’m hoping is just what I need to get me excited about marathon training again.

We have a very busy and packed itinerary this weekend but I’m hoping the weekend away will be what I need to get me out of my funk. And then next weekend is a 4-day weekend for Easter and I have very few plans other than using it to rest and recharge.

Sorry to be a downer at the end of the week. This is just kind of where I’m at lately and it feels good to share and get it off my chest. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! XO

I have been meaning to write a follow-up to this post for over a year. I haven’t been able to find the words but now I finally have.

A couple of weeks ago I went to a 6 AM yoga class. The first one I’d attended in months. At the end of the class the instructor read the article “Eight things I learned from 50 naked people” to us while we were lying in savasana. One thing really stuck out to me:

“Your weight is the least interesting thing about you”

In the last year since I wrote my 10 pounds post I have gotten better about letting my obsession with weight – and specifically losing weight – go. But some days are still a battle. Some days I still feel “fat”.

In the last year I’ve gone back-and-forth day-to-day and week-to-week on being happy with my weight, wanting to lose 5 pounds, wanting to lose 10 pounds, taking pictures of my food to be more aware of what I eat, tracking my food through My Fitness Pal, having tea every night and avoiding dessert, binging until I feel sick to my stomach, having great eating days and having crappy eating days, having good body image days and having bad body image days.

Where I am right now is I haven’t weighed myself in about 3-4 weeks and I’m overall happy with how I feel and how I look. I haven’t been tracking my food and have been doing my very best to eat intuitively. Right now I feel good about my body. That might change in a week or a month. I’m starting to be more accepting of the fact that I will have good days and weeks and bad days and weeks. I likely will never feel 100% comfortable in my skin 100% of the time. And I’m OK with that.

At this point, I’m choosing to believe that like life, the journey of getting “there” (even if you never truly get there!) is the most important part.