27 in review!

What. A. Year.

One year ago today, when I wrote this post, I never in a million years could have envisioned my life would have taken the turns it did and I would be where I am right now. A year ago on my birthday post I said:

To be honest I’m entering the next year of life not feeling in a great place and also a bit confused about what’s next. All that said, I plan to enter it with an open heart, an open mind and the hope that things will get better and also become more clear.

Well things became more clear, but they did not get better. They did for a bit and then got worse and then better and then worse and worse and better and worse and so on. I have changed more in the last year than in any other year of my life.

I’m not ready to get into it on this blog and share all the details, however, I think I’ve been vague for long enough. So what I will share is that for almost 18 months now Eric and I have been trying to start a family and have been unsuccessful. We are 1 in 8. We have a (heartbreaking) diagnosis and we are pursuing treatments right now and it is one of the most devastating and frustrating things I have ever experienced

One day I will get into all the gory details. For now, I’m going to leave it at that. I’m sure that shines a light on a lot of the different things I’ve hinted at for awhile now and to be honest it is one of the biggest reasons we decided to pick up our lives and move across the province — for job opportunities that have better extended health benefits and pay more money so we can afford expensive treatments without taking out huge loans and going into massive debt. Fun stuff right? Talk about adulting at it’s finest.

Anyways, I digress. The last year has been full of heart ache and big, tough decisions and tears. So many tears. However, as with any life it has also been full of good. And beauty. And love.

So that is what I will focus on when I look back on the last year and prepare to enter into the next year with an open heart and an open mind again but this time instead of hoping things will “get better” or “become more clear” I am going into it planning on staying present, taking each day and each obstacle as it comes, and continuing to move forward. Sometimes I will be moving forward with a smile and sometimes I will be moving forward with tears streaming down my face. But I will move forward, because it’s all I can do.

So, here is my 27 year in review (in order of sequence not preference!)

Eric and I cooked our first turkey and hosted Thanksgiving… with a lot of help and guidance from my mother-in-law!

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I had the honour to be a part of planning the RCMP Regimental Ball – one of the most incredible gala events I have ever been to.

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Planned our 4th annual Christmas light run. This run has grown from 3 people to 15 people!!!! I think I need to fly back to Kamloops for it this year…

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My Christmas season was wonderful: 2 weeks off work, Mary Poppins play with my mom, a trip home to visit family. So lovely.

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(Almost) completed the 2015 Read Harder Challenge. Participating in this challenge and listening to the Book Riot podcast has really expanded my reading repertoire.

Went cross country skiing and loved it!

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Had a lovely single lady long weekend when Eric went away to visit family (and job search I can now say!)

Got super into Barre (and even dragged Eric to a class!) I miss it.

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Big Life Changes: Was offered a new job, spent three of the most turmoil-filled days of my life trying to decide what to do, ended up taking the new job which then led to us planning our 600 mile / 1,000 km move across the province and back to our hometown

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Left a job I absolutely adored, with coworkers I adored, which was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life.

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Spent the entire month of April working in Fort St. John while still living in Kamloops which resulted in 14 flights over a 4 week period.

Went to the Women’s World Hockey Gold Medal Game with Eric! Canada lost, boo!

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Participated in Jail & Bail! My favourite fundraiser that I used to plan and then got to get arrested for! I raised $1,350 too 🙂

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Had the most INCREDIBLE going away party thrown for me by my fantastic running friends.

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Packed up our townhouse of 5 years – our first real home together – into a 15-foot uHaul and handed over the keys to tenants.

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Moved in with my Grandma for 2 months!

Got snow in May

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Spent soooo much time with family! In our hometown we regularly see my dad, my grandma, my aunt and her family, my cousin and his family, Eric’s sister and all our nieces and nephews and Eric’s parents and my brother just got back into town as well. It’s pretty great after so many years living away though of course I miss my mom & friends a lot.

Went back to Kamloops for a weekend and ran the Blackwell Dairy 15k. My favourite race! I think I will make this an annual trip.

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Traveled to Toronto with my dad, brother and Eric!

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Went to my first MLB game in Toronto.

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Bid my brother farewell as he headed off to Europe for 3 months of adventures.

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Ran my first trail race in my new city! 

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Made a 17-hour road trip with my husband to pick up Ikea furniture. And we’re still married, win!

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Spent a wonderful weekend with my mom at her new lake house in Scotch Creek, BC.

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Completed my first Whole30!

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Celebrated our 4-year wedding anniversary.

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Had many sleepovers with our sweet nieces and nephew and my little cousins.

Had an amazingggggg weekend at a quiet little cabin on Moberly Lake, BC.

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Read the book ‘A Little Life’ – yes, this deserves it’s own bullet point. That book, you guys. I don’t even have words for how much it affected me.

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Explored some beautiful hiking trails in our new area.

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In the past year I cried. A lot. But I also laughed and smiled and felt so so loved. I am truly so lucky to be surrounded by so many good people.

Here we go 28. I don’t know what you have in store for me. I think there might be a lot more pain but I also know there will ALWAYS be beauty. I’m ready for you. <3

My previous birthday year in review posts can be found here. 21, 22, 23, 2425 and 26.

25 Responses

  1. NZ Muse says:

    I’m so sorry to hear that, how heartbreaking the past year must have been. I hope being back in your hometown around loved ones is doing you good. A dear colleague recently gave birth to a daughter after several years of trying, and I wish the same for you and Eric in the future. Happy happy birthday!

  2. Happy happy birthday! I always love reading your birthday posts as it’s fun to see how much you pack into each year. I know that the past year has been a really tough one for you guys so I hope that the year ahead is not as challenging and difficult and contains fewer tears. But I really commend you for being the kind of person that can see past all of the difficult things and find the beauty and joy in life.

    I hope you have a wonderful birthday weekend!! Enjoy your camping getaway!!!

  3. Britt says:

    Sending big hugs to you in your struggles. I really, truly hope this coming year is easier for you and Eric. Happy birthday, lovely. Enjoy celebrating you! xoxo

  4. Bronwyn says:

    Happy Birthday Amber! I am so sorry to hear about your struggles with starting a family, thoughts and well wishes to you and Eric. What an amazing attitude you have with this bumpy road. All the best in year 28 for you!

  5. Emilie says:

    First of all, wishing you the happiest of birthdays. I love your birthday posts each year and your positive attitude as you reflect on your life. I hope today is a wonderful day and that 28 brings you lots of laughter, happiness, and joy.

    I am so sorry to hear about your struggles to start a family. 1 in 8 is such a devastating number. In recent years I’ve learned of more and more people our age struggling with infertility and it’s just so heartbreaking. One of my dearest friends has battled infertility for many years and I just hate what she’s had to go through so, so much. It shouldn’t be so difficult and access to medical care and coverage shouldn’t be so frigging expensive. I give you a ton of credit for sharing this part of your journey with us, it couldn’t have been easy to open up about such a personal and difficult topic. I really admire your attitude – you truly are an amazing person. Wishing you nothing but the best year ahead. Big hugs to you, friend! xo

  6. San says:

    I am so sorry to hear you guys also struggle with conceiving… I know too many people who have struggled to start a family and it’s heartbreaking. I can imagine what a tough year that must have been for you and I really hope that the treatment will work and the new year will look much, much better.

    Despite this heartache, it seems like you made the best of the last year. So many things to be thankful for! 🙂

  7. Sue says:

    I’m so sorry to hear that you are struggling with infertility. My husband and I had a long journey to pregnancy as well and ended up needing fertility treatments. I know how devastating it can be to hear that you won’t be able to have a baby the “romantic” way! We are lucky enough to be able to afford fertility treatments but I truly think it should be covered by the provincial government.

    Sending you positive thoughts and good vibes! Im looking forward to hearing about your family one day and in the meantime I’ll be enjoying all your running, books and life posts!

  8. Heather says:

    Happy Birthday!! Like other commenters have said, so many of my close friends (even family) have struggled to start their family. Eventually, each person was given the gift of parenthood, whether it was through treatments or via adoption. I have hope for both you and Eric! You are strong to share your struggles but know you are definitely not alone in your journey! I will be thinking about you guys!! HUGS!

  9. Sam says:

    I teared up big time reading this. Happy birthday! You live so fully, so completely, it is such an privilege having you as a friend and someone to be inspired by. You are magnificent! I hope this next year brings more joy in unexpected places. Love you.

  10. Nora says:

    What a beautiful, bittersweet, challenging & adventurous year you have had. I can’t wait to see what’s ahead for you and know that I’m always here via email, FB, etc.

    Wishing you a beautiful birthday and lots of love this coming year!

  11. Sherry Sim says:

    Happy Birthday to you sweet Amber! You are one of a kind and a true gem…..so honest and open. Love will find a way……………..

  12. Happy birthday! Infertility is no joke. I posted a good story about “the babies” a few years ago, there’s a link to the post on my left nav if you want to re-read it. Our first took 5 years. That makes us 2 in 16 I guess. Anytime you need infertility support I am only a skype or email away. Seriously anything we can do to help, I understand the struggle. Much love to you and Eric.

  13. Marie-Christine says:

    Happy birthday Amber! Hope you have a great year!

    I cannot relate to you because I’m not trying to get pregnant but infertility seems to become such a struggle for people our age. A good friend of mine is struggling with the same thing as you for the past 24 months. That’s so unfair.
    And how ironic!You try to avoid pregnancy so many years and you can’t get a baby when you want, it must be so difficult. Thinking of you!!

  14. Kara says:

    Happiest of days to you today!

    What a year it indeed has been for you. I’ve always enjoyed reading about all your adventures and you’re always in my thoughts when I notice you haven’t posted an update in a while. I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles with fertility; I can totally understand your hesitation to not want to dive too much into details since it’s such a taboo topic for many people. Sending positive vibes to you and Eric <3

  15. Stephany says:

    What a year you have had, friend! Lots of good times but lots of terrible news and heartbreak, too. I can’t pretend to know what you are going through, but I can say that I am here for you. I know a lot of us who solely know you through blogging are here for you and praying for you and hoping this next year brings more joy and good news.

    Happiest of birthdays to you, dear friend. I hope it’s a good one. <3

  16. Kelly says:

    Happy Birthday, my friend. I wish so much that the last year could’ve been easier for you and hope that the year ahead will be. <3 Love you!

  17. Susan says:

    Happy birthday to you! Love your recap.
    I’m so sad to hear about the fertility struggles you and Eric have been facing. Sending you good vibes and hugs from Edmonton and wishing you a better year ahead.

  18. Jenny says:

    I too have dealt with infertility and I remember how hard it was to watch everyone around me get pregnant. Getting my period every month was devastating. I am giving you an Internet hug and wishing and hoping for your happiness. Thanks for sharing.

  19. Amber K. says:

    Love you, blog friend. You and Eric are in my prayers. I hope your birthday has been as wonderful as you are!

  20. Leigh says:

    I’m so sorry that you and Eric have to go through this. Not fair at all. Sending you a big hug!

    Love looking back on your year- it was a great one for you! Hope this one is even better 🙂

  21. Oh Amber, I am so, so sorry to hear that news 🙁 That is heartbreaking, and I cannot even imagine how painful it would be. We have some friends here going through the same thing, although they don’t really talk about it much – it’s probably way too difficult to talk about. Big hugs to you xo

  22. Abby Nastase says:

    Wow – what a year you have had!! Many ups and down. I am so sorry to hear what you and Eric are going through. My heart and prayers go out to you as your approach the next steps towards making a family.

    Here is to 28 being great 😉

  23. Shoshanah says:

    I know I’ve been incredibly mia lately so I’m just now seeing this post. First of all, I hope you had a very, very happy birthday. More importantly, I just wanted to send my love. I’m so, so sorry that this has to be part of yours and Eric’s journey towards becoming parents. I’m hopeful for you that you’ll have your baby soon, and I’ll be sending lots of love and positive thoughts your way!

  24. <3 Infertility sucks. Much love to you two.

  25. […] I am 29 and Monday I will be 31 weeks pregnant. Last year on my birthday recap I shared a bit about our struggle to start a family. To say I feel grateful and have a full heart […]

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