Featured Career: SAHM II
Hey guys, time for another featured career. Here are the last five careers I’ve featured and you can find ALL my career features HERE!
- Director of Support Services
- Occupational Therapist
- Stay at Home Mom Feature I
- Showroom Educator for Lululemon
- Emergency Shelter Counselor
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Please welcome Jess from Dude and Sweeties. Stay at home mom and photographer extraordinaire! All the photos in this post are courtesy of Jess 
1. Give me your SAHM deets: How many kids? Ages? How long have you been a SAHM for?
I have twenty seven children. Okay, not really. I have four, three girls and one boy, in sets. My older two are 6 and 7, born 13 months apart, and my younger two are 18months and 3 months. I’ve been a full time SAHM since I found out I was pregnant with my third, in July 2009, and a part time SAHM since 2003.
2. What made you decide to stay at home rather than work? Is it something you’ve always wanted to do?
Life sort of decided it for me. With my second baby coming along a year after the first, it just didn’t make sense for me to go back to teaching. Daycare for two babies was more than my teaching salary. I worked part time, evenings and weekends, until my third came along. I had planned on going back to work after her, but she’s had some issues and is a special needs kid who just needs me at home for her. Between speech, PT, OT and doctor’s appointments, I barely have time to shower, never mind work. I honestly never planned on being home full time. I love working. But I also love being home, for different reasons. And for right now this is what’s best for our family.
3. Describe a typical day in your life?
HAHAHAHA. Typical day? Think bodily fluids, random yelling, lukewarm coffee, and lots of meal preparation. For example, here’s my morning.
5:45ish: toddler wakes up. FOUL. Not a morning person, her. Take her downstairs, change her diaper, feed her some oatmeal with applesauce mixed in. Change her diaper again, probably, cause she’s like her dad. Child craps on schedule. In between bites of giving her oatmeal, make myself coffee, make lunches for both the older kids, put bookbags together with papers and folders and water bottles.
6:10-6:15 baby wakes up. Change diaper, give her a bottle, catch up on Twitter on my phone. Listen to toddler complain about something or other because she’s weird and delayed and doesn’t crawl or sit up yet. Nudge a toy in her direction with my foot while trying to not jostle the baby.
6:30 reheat coffee. First time. Finish making lunches, go upstairs and get kids’ clothes out for school. Wake up kids and listen to them complain about how horrible their lives are because I am SO MEAN making them actually wake up for school.
6:45-7:20 referee multiple arguments about bowl placement at the breakfast table, change a few more diapers, stick the baby in a wrap on my chest because she’s a foul (albeit adorable) baby and wants to be held all the time. Make sure the kids actually brush their nasty teeth, brush hair. Do a check to make sure the son has actually put underwear on his behind. Tell him to go put on underwear when it’s discovered missing, as it has every morning for the last year. Deal with his absolute disgust at this surprising turn of events, as if he hasn’t been told this very thing every single day.
7:25 second coffee reheat. Possible breakfast consumption on my part, usually a granola bar.
7:30-8 switch laundry around, make beds, change the sheet on the crib because OH EW babies are so gross. Change a diaper. Give the toddler a cup of milk, read her a story because there’s that whole parenting thing that’s supposed to happen. Separate the big kids as they fight over the exact whereabouts of a Lego dude’s leg, which is the approximate size of an infant’s pinkie nail.
8:15 get the kids on the bus, reheat coffee again. Change a diaper….
So. That’s sort of how it goes most days. On the good ones, at least.
4. What do you think is the biggest misconception people have about SAHM?
That we don’t work. I work a lot, I just don’t draw a paycheck for it. I’m expected to do more at home because I’m the one that’s home. When I worked, my husband and I both did laundry, and cooked, and cleaned. Now that I’m home full time, he works a lot more, and so those things are left to me. (Although I don’t iron. I have a fundamental opposition to ironing) I’m fine with that part of our lives, because that’s the choice we’ve made. But it does get a tad annoying when people say “well, you don’t work”.
5. What is the most challenging part of being a SAHM? What is the most fulfilling part?
Most challenging part is the loss of alone. It’s been years since I’ve gone a day without multiple people seeing me naked. I can’t even use the bathroom without someone knocking on the door. Repeatedly. I have to schedule time for myself. The most fulfilling part is the fact that I feel like I have a continuous movie in my head of our lives as a family. It all flows together, day to day, and I’m there in the center of it. I like that I can look back and see it all from my perspective, not second-hand.
6. Do you plan on going back to work one day? Why or why not?
Yes. I like working. I can’t imagine being home all day when all my kids are in school. I’m not a PTA mom-I have no desire to be involved in my kids’ school, and so once they’re all in school I think I’ll get bored. That said, I’d prefer to work for myself. I’d like my photography business to grow to a point where it sustains me, and to be able to pick up more freelance writing gigs. Between those two things I think I’d be ridiculously content.
7. What’s your biggest piece of advice for someone who is considering being a SAHM when they have kids?
Take off the rose-colored shades. It’s not staying home and watching your favorite shows whenever you want. When you stay home, your parenting hat NEVER comes off, and that can be hard to cope with. Especially if you’ve embarked on a successful career path prior to babies. I have, and it was hard to step off. I had opportunities here in DC, ones that brought me in contact with some pretty amazing people, and I walked away from them. I’m okay with that, and anyone who is wanting to stay home needs to be okay with their choice.
8. Anything else you’d like to add or any important questions I’ve forgotten to ask?
Only one thing. If you stay home. Find SOMETHING for you. One thing, a hobby or an interest, or even just a habit, that will tie you to who you were before you had kids. You need that, or you’ll get lost in the shuffle of everyday, and wake up one day wondering what happened. You’ll be a better mom to your kids if you have something for you.
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Thank you for such a great post peppered with awesome photos of your life, Jess!
Last time I did a SAHM feature I asked if you, the readers, planned on being SAHM’s one day. If you didn’t get the chance to answer then please feel free to answer on this post whether or not you plan to be a SAHM (or if you are already one) when you have kids one day?
Other questions of the day: In YOUR ideal world, how many kids would you have? Would you have them far apart or close together?
My answer: I want three, and I want them each to be at least two years apart or more. Obviously I know a lot of things could change over the years, but as of right now that is my answer if it was my “ideal world” scenario
I hope we can have two children, and I’d like for them to be four to five years apart. (I’d like to have our first child when I’m ~26 and our second child when I’m 30-31.) Of course, this is just in an ideal world… (If we’re done with school by then and don’t have any problems with fertility.) I’d love to be at least a part-time SAHM until both of my future children are in school (I may even go to school to receive my Master’s degree during these years), and then I’d probably go back to working full-time.
I love Jess – this interview was so much fun to read! She does so much!
As far as kids go, I’d like at least two, maybe three – I grew up in a family with three so I’m used to that. I have a secret fear of having twins though and all I can think is one would wake up when the other one sleeps. (Um, if we have twins we’re DONE. I’m not chancing that again).
Thanks Bec.
And thanks, Amber, for letting me hijack your blog.
I love this post and I love Jess. She is real and says a lot of things that I wish I could say, but I don’t have the courage or I just can’t put it into words…..I agree with so much here. Your mom hat NEVER comes off. You just accept that part of it, for sure. AND, yes it’s very annoying when people ask, well what do you do all day?!
Great post!
I adore Jess. She’s one of my favorites!
Considering we already have two kids 50% of the time, who are about two years apart, if we have our own, I think we’ll just have one. By the time we get around to it I’m sure the girls will be older, so I’m guessing there will be at least a five year age difference between ours and the youngest one we already have. We will see though! I have to say, having kids this close in age? It’s hard. I don’t know how super awesome people like Jess do it with kids that are 13 and 18 months apart. Rockstar mother she is!
First I want to say how much I am in love with your honesty Jess.
I have 2 children – 4 and just about to turn 3 – they are 20 months apart and the only thing I would change about that was maybe put them a little bit closer together in age.
I love that they are BEST friends (girl and boy). I am super happy they are so close in age – as soon as Little Boy could walk – they were playing together.
Before we had kids I always thought I would be a stay at home Mom. i thought i would love being there all the time, etc.
I work full time and I love it. I realized very soon on my first mat leave that I was not cut out for being at home – at least with babies. I love my kids, I love other people’s babies – but I need to be away from them too – I am am much better Mom by doing this.
And – it allows us to afford the lifestyle we want to have with me working.
I have no idea how many children I want to have. Some days, I don’t want any. Other days, I want a big family. I think I want at least two, MAYBE three. I don’t think I’ll space the first two too far apart because I love the close connection I have with my brother. (We’re 14 months apart. Not that I’m thinking of doing THAT! Ha.)
I’m not sure I could do the SAHM thing. I would *never* say they don’t work. That’s just ridiculous. But gah, such a hard job!
Great interview!
I love reading these interviews! I totally agree with the “find something for YOU” bit of advice – I struggled to find that thing for MONTHS after Topher was born, but once I did – it made a huge difference to my happiness and in turn, his!
Wow, Jess really nailed it! Kelley runs while the kids are in school or whenever I can watch them. That’s her thing. And we are certainly two and done.
Great job Jess! Your day still holds more bodily fluid and tail-wiping than our does.
Fabulous featured career today!!! Those two SAHM blog are my favorite because I would LOVE to be a SAHM or at least have my husband stay at home with our daughter but we are planning to have two kids so it would be smarter to wait until the second one comes along. I guess in an ideal world I would like to have three kids but realistically for us two is a great number. I thought I would only want one but once you have one you want two
We are waiting until Dec 2012-Jan 2013 to try again, would have been this Dec-Jan but I want more alone time with Taylor, which I think is important. Taylor will be just a little over 3 by the time the newbie comes along, which means she’s be a more independant, we’ll have more money saved up because I’ll be taking two years off instead of one…….this way the newbie will be two when i go back to work and Taylor will be in kindergarten. That’s the plan anyway lol
I love when people say SAHM isn’t working…..I do more work as a mom at home then I do in a week at work. And I’m ALWAYS under the gun with deadlines at home, if i’m not doing it then it doesn’t get done so its up to me. But I would choose that in nanosecond if I could!!!!!! I realllllllllllllllly envy those that are doing the worlds greatest job right now or had the oppurtunity to!
I would never ever ever be a SAHM because it is too much work. There, I said it. Saints like Jess can do it! Not bums like me! lol
I love her baby pics – so precious. They’re a pretty family.
I love these SAHM posts. I find it so fascinating that people can do this much work. Its actually what I try and remind myself when I start to feel overwhelmed. If women can stay at home and take care of children all day, I can certainly handle work and school. It doesnt even compare.
Jess’ kids are adorable!
I think the only way I could be at SAHM is if I won the lottery big time. I am just not comfortable leaving the breadwinning to one person and also taking myself out of the work force for 5+ consecutive years. I can’t be out of my industry for more than 3 years before I have to get re-certified on everything, which would make it way harder to find a job, never mind do all the courses again while raising children.
Ideally it would be nice to work part-time but it’s rare that an opportunity like that comes up in my industry.
I think we want two or three kids, preferably at least 2-3 years apart in age.
I am a SAHM for our 5 month old baby boy. Both my husband and I were agreed that is what we wanted for our family, so we’ve made it work. I do have a Bachelor’s degree (I finished it up this summer … FYI doing school and having a newborn is hard) for future career potential. We’re not sure how many kids we’ll end up with, because pregnancy was quite rough on me in a lot of ways and I’m not sure how many more times I want to go through that! But at least one more (more likely we’ll have several more) because Luke doesn’t want us to have an only child.
This is by far my most favorite feature on your blog. I love reading about what other people do with their lives.
I cannot imagine being a stay at home mom. I have so much respect for those women who can.
Yay! Love me some Jess.
And it was fun reading her answers.
As for me, ideally, I’d like to have 4 kids, but I don’t have a clue as to when and how this will (or if?) take place. Right now, I’m happy with my one. I’d prefer him to be out of diapers and communicate effectively before venturing back into the world of newborns again.
Jess is a rock star mom and she’s funny too! I could NEVER do what she does. That is more work than all my jobs put together.
I don’t think I want kids, but if I do, I would want two. Twins would not be bad — get it over with all at once. Sure, it would be more work at first, but then they could keep each other company and leave me alone
Right now, I think three sounds like a good number for me. But I haven’t thought much about kids. I think I’d like them each to be 2 or 3 years apart.
I want 2 kids, and I’d like them to be relatively close together if possible, but if they aren’t that’s not the end of the world to me. My sister and I are 4 1/2 years apart and brother and I are 7 years apart and there are positives and negatives in my mind. I like having 3 in our family especially because I have a sister and a brother. Though, there was a lot of ganging up on one person that happened
Still though, I can’t handle 3 kids, so 2 will be good for me.
I would have at least 4 kids, and I would have them pretty close together. I would LOVE to be a stay at home mom.
I always wanted 4 but said we would re evaluate after 1. My husband has said he could compromise anywhere from 1 to 3. We may only have 1 we may have 2. We may have 3. I do not see the 4th. Only because I want to space our kids out a bit and not be having kids for the next 10 years. But who knows. It could still happen. Though, I don’t think our next one will happen until Miss I is 3 or 4. I’m not really a baby person. More of a toddler/older kid person.
Over the years I’ve gone back and forth on both the “how many” and the SAHM questions. My current answer is I’d like to have 3, because I always wanted just one more sibling to balance out my sister and I
and I’d love to stay home when they are little and maybe longer. I would probably either go back to work when they’re in school or “work” for charities and volunteer positions I care about. That said, this whole conversation means nothing until I’m married, at which point someone else’s opinions will strongly factor in.
That and my blasted student loans. The ugly truth there is that if I care about paying them off before I’m in retirement, I probably can’t NOT work, unless I marry someone who is really financially established.
Great feature! Jess rocks. I don’t know how she does it maintains – and maintains her sanity (and a wicked sense of humor!).
I always thought I would want a big family, like perhaps 4. But I don’t think that is realistic since I am 30 and single. Unless I had like twins! But maybe 2? or possibly 3? We’ll see what the future holds!
it is always weird to me when people are so negative about staying at home and raising their kids. Maybe it is the ones that have their kids too close together or have kids with medical issues or mental issues. I would never have had kids if I knew I could not stay home and raise them. During college I was a nanny and yes I was with those kids more then the parents. I had my kids 3.5 years apart because I wanted to give each more attention when they were babies. I think more people should wait to have kids until they have accomplished most of their goals.
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[...] Stay at Home Mom Feature II [...]
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