Featured Career: Marriage and Family Therapist
Catching up from the weekend?
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Time for another featured career! Here are the careers I’ve featured in the past:
- District Secretary
- Assistant Editor at DiabetesMine
- High School English Teacher
- Project Manager and Senior Designer
- Account Executive
- Broadcast Reporter
- Sport Development Officer
- Nurse
- Newspaper Editor
- Social Media Specialist
- Event Planner
- Software Developer
- General Manager in Retail
- Kindergarten Teacher
As always, email me if you’re interested in being featured!
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I am so excited to feature Esther from Group Therapy Associates! She contacted me after seeing Kyla’s feature a few months ago and as soon as she said she was a marriage and family therapist I was intrigued. Especially as someone who is getting married next year!
I have to say I found this interview so, so fascinating! I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I did.
1. What is your official job title and what exactly does your job entail?
I am a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT). Basically I am a therapist (psychotherapist or counselor) with special training in working with couples and families. I like to think of it as a relationship specialist- whether that’s a romantic relationship, parent-child, friendship, or even just your relationship with yourself.
In addition to my clinical job I am also the co-owner of a private practice. So my job duties are split between being a therapist and being a business owner/entrepreneur. Oh yeah… and I do some freelance writing for magazines and some websites too.
As a marriage and family therapist my job mostly involves appointments with my clients. Most appointments are an hour (50 minutes really) and during that time what we talk about and do depends a lot on who is there. Right now I work with a lot of couples and a few individual women (teenagers and adults). Sometimes I give my clients “homework” to do and sometimes we do art projects or even meditation/relaxation techniques and sometimes (most of the time) we just talk… but whatever we do it’s a little like Vegas- what happens in therapy stays in therapy 
Of course there is always paperwork to do and billing but I usually think of that as part of my business owner duties.
I pretty much work as the CEO and Marketing department of our practice (my partner is CFO which is great!) which means I develop our overall business goals and plans for how to connect with our community. It’s a fun diversion from the more serious aspects of my clinical work but it has its own challenges too. I do a lot of planning and projecting for our different projects (like our upcoming fall couples retreat) and working with other business partners/vendors on things (like our ongoing re-branding/website redesign). Its a lot of different things to manage but it gives me a great creative outlet which I love.
As a freelance writer I write articles for a local magazine, I Am Modern, as well as Yahoo! from time to time on mental health and relationship issues. I love to write but its probably the one job title that I struggle with the most. I need a lot of quiet time to write and with a couple kids, a husband, a couple dogs, and a busy private practice quiet time is something that just doesn’t come easily.
2. It sounds like it would be easy to “take work home with you” often in your field – how do you strike a work/life balance?
It can be very hard to maintain that balance. My number one advice for anyone just starting out in this field is to find a peer supervision group you like and stick with it. Peer supervision is simply a group of therapists that get together and talk about their work- you are all held by the same ethical standards so you can talk about your cases and still maintain confidentiality. This is so helpful in terms of not “taking your work home”. Being a therapist can be a very isolating job – no matter how stressful your day you can’t go home and tell your spouse or friends all about it, you have to maintain confidentiality. Having colleagues to bounce ideas off and to just share the ups and downs of work and personal life is crucial. Otherwise you might end up treating your clients as friends instead of being their professional support system and that’s very dangerous territory.
I’ve been doing this for a while and have a great group of colleagues and a business partner that I meet with regularly so it’s rare that I have a day where I find myself bringing my clients home with me (so to speak). Lately it’s not the metaphorical “work” that I take home – it’s the billing and the marketing and the business development and the article writing that I spend my nights and weekends doing! Being a therapist has challenges but owning your own practice is very demanding. That’s the work that I find hard to keep balanced most of the time. That’s when it’s helpful to be a therapist…I try hard to take my own advice and make self-care a priority. I definitely make time for “date night”- one of nice things is my husband often works from home so we have lots of lunch dates! And I try to make time to do ‘creative’ projects (usually painting my house or redecorating some room) and of course fun family stuff with the kids too. And when all else fails I take a day (or two) off and do nothing! One of the perks of working for yourself…vacation days whenever you need them.
3. Describe a typical day in your work life?
As I head into summer I’m looking forward to starting my days a little bit later and maybe having a few more hours to do fun stuff but here’s a typical day right now:
5:15 – 5:30am
Wake up then…COFFEE!!! (definitely a vice)
5:30 – 6:15am
Mom duties (running to bus, signing papers, finding lunch money… the usual)
6:15 – 7:00 am
Gym (or 45 min of extra sleep, or checking email, reading articles- depends on what I need the most that day)
7:00 – 8:00 am
More mom stuff with the my other kid…
8:00am – 12:30pm
If its an “early” day for me {meaning I see daytime clients} then I am at the office in appointments with clients. After that I do my clinical paperwork like progress notes, insurance stuff, and any other clinical follow up I need to do.
On a “late” day {night clients} this is when I check email, make phone calls, catch up on my business owner duties like planning advertising campaigns, talking with other colleagues and businesses about possible projects we may do together and meeting with Llouana, my business partner, to talk about the practice and our clients. I may try to do a few “home” things, like laundry, too because I’ll be out late. This is also when I will try to fit in some writing depending on what articles I have due.
12:30 – 2:30pm
lunch and then whatever lingering projects I need to do either at work or at home, I try to use this as my “to do list” time of the day. Whatever hasn’t gotten done yet I try to accomplish in this time frame…usually there are lots of things that go on to the next day!
2:30 – 4:30pm
Mommy break… kids are home, we chat about the day, eat snack, feed dogs, and generally chill out till I send everyone off for homework, chores, or whatever they need to do
4:30 – 10:00pm
If it’s a “late” day this is really the beginning of my “work” day. I head to my office and see clients. Then I do my clinical paperwork, progress notes and whatever other tasks need to be taken care of before I can just kick back and relax.
If it’s an “early” day then I try to make dinner (or dinner plans) and then I hate to say this but I usually go back to doing work at some point either writing or doing some form of business-related stuff. One of the challenges of fitting in the freelance writing (and even writing for our practice’s blog or our e-newsletter) is finding some quiet time to focus and so if I haven’t finished what I started in the morning, I often do those tasks later in the evening when everyone else is relaxing or heading to bed.
4. What’s your favourite thing about your job? Least favourite?
My favorite thing about my job as a therapist is making sense of people and relationships. I really subscribe to the belief that people do things that make sense so if what you see doesn’t make sense then there is probably more to the story. I like watching people make sense of their own stuff (or figure out their partner’s stuff)- that moment of clarity and understanding is amazing. There is something incredibly rewarding about hearing people sort through their challenges and take on a new (healthier) perspective. If you take it in pieces, most of us look a little crazy but when the whole story comes together, even some of the most destructive and unhelpful behaviors suddenly serve a purpose and make sense. To me, it’s when you see the whole story that you can effectively change from unhealthy patterns to new, more effective ways of living your life. In spite of the many sad and devastating experiences I have heard in my office, I still leave most days thinking how beautiful people are and how much we all really just need to feel connected to each other in a meaningful way.
My least favorite thing is the long hours. To truly accommodate my clients I have to work when most people are out of work and that can be tough. And it’s tough when I work with people who I can see are not ready to do the work to make changes- it’s always heartbreaking to watch people stand in the way of the goals they have for themselves. It’s also a humble reminder that no matter how much I know or how good of a therapist I try to be, in the end everyone is responsible for their own lives and even I can’t make them change.
5. As someone who is getting married next year, I’m really curious to know what your #1 piece of advice for newlyweds is?
Hmmm… that is always a hard question for me. I guess I would have 2 pieces of advice.
#1 be a team! If you both can learn to view everything from the perspective of how are WE going to deal with this, what do WE want our lives to look like, where are WE going today, next month, in 10 years.. then you will be way ahead of the game. Grow together… then you will always have a partner in life.
#2 remember that a great marriage takes work. Marriage is one of the few things in life that after the initial commitment people seem to think that it will just stay perfect without any help along the way. But just like your profession, your hobbies, your body, and anything else in life- to keep it at its best you have to invest time, energy, and a willingness to continually learn. There will be times when you think I can’t believe it’s this hard but if you hang in there and work at it you will come to the other side and find that it’s even better than you could have imagined.
6. What is something about your job that surprises others?
That people don’t really lay on my couch. Ha ha ha… no seriously I think people would be surprised to know who actually goes to therapy. If you asked 10 friends, 2 or 3 are probably in therapy right now, at least 2 more have been in therapy at some point in their lives, and 3 or 4 more have contemplated going to therapy in the last year. That’s not really scientific fact but you get the idea; lots of people we all know are benefitting from therapy and they aren’t who you might think they are. It’s always interesting to me when I’m hanging out with new people and someone finds out what I do, inevitably at least one person in the group tells me about their own experience in therapy.
7. If you could describe your job in one word, what would that word be?
Amazing.
8. Anything else you’d like to add?
Unfortunately there is still a stigma that therapy is for “people with real problems” or “crazy” people but really therapy is about making your life and relationships better. Our motto in my practice is that “everyone could use a little therapy” because we are really committed to changing how people perceive it. Therapy is just a place to talk about what’s not working in your life right now and figure out how to get through it. Whether its something more serious like depression or trauma or something that seems more benign like marital conflict or getting through your kids teenage years- a good therapist really can help. I hope that people will begin to see therapy as preventive instead of crisis control…we really have a lot to offer to everyone out there when it comes to living life to the fullest.
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If anyone is interested in doing what Esther does, you can also help couples build and maintain healthy marriages every day by earning your human services degree online and begin a career as a Family Life Educator.
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Question of the day: (if you feel like sharing) have you ever gone to therapy?
I haven’t, but I’ve definitely considered it and to be honest the only thing that has held me back has been the cost. I definitely have no stigma against therapy and think it is an amazing way for people to work through things – from big issues to small ones!
Thanks again Esther!
I had brushes with therapy with the school counsellor (first I was apparently identified as at risk due to having moved around quite a bit, and I guess also my introspective/sensitive personality came through on the questionnaire all new students had to fill out). That didn’t really come to much. Later on when we had family issues I had sessions both alone with the counsellor and my parents, which helped a little, but ultimately I moved out quite young which I think was best all around. Today, I don’t think I would get much out of therapy, but I suppose you never know! In hindsight I can see where I went wrong, as well as where my parents could have done better, but I don’t dwell on it anymore – although for a long time that kind of haunted me. Time, distance and maturity have helped a lot and we get on fine now. I do wonder if maybe premarital therapy might be a good idea; I might look into that closer to the time.
Thanks for posting this! I find this incredibly interesting because I’ve considered family therapy as my future profession. (I’m going to be getting my B.S. in Pscyhology with a concentration in family and child studies, and I’m hoping to get a Master’s degree in counseling.)
Amber, great post! I have been in therapy for about ten years for various reasons … mild, chronic depression (dysthymia), ADD, anxiety, post-partum depression, and marital issues. (I sound like a total head case, don’t I? Yikes!) I am currently seeing a therapist for myself, a psychiatrist for my meds, and a marriage counselor (with my husband) for some marital issues. I totally agree with Esther; everyone could use a little therapy. We all have our issues, and it can be so helpful to have an objective professional to work things out with.
I think I went to therapy when I was really really young, but I don’t remember much about it. I spent a long time wanted to become a psychologist growing up though, from when I was 14 until I was almost 18 or so, but then I realized I didn’t think I could do all the schooling necessary- too much!! This sounds like a really interesting job though, it must be really nice to help couples be stronger together and understand each other better!
Great post – what an interesting and rewarding career!
I have gone to therapy. I went after a break up back in 2008. I was just so unhappy and miserable in general and knew I needed an outside perspective to get through it. It was such a good decision. I went to therapy sessions for about 3-4 months and it really helped change the way I view things. Luckily it was covered by my insurance policy, so I just had a small co-pay.
[...] that get together and talk about their work- you are … … Continue reading here: Featured Career: Marriage and Family Therapist | Girl With The Red … ← A Look at the Outcomes of Couples Therapy – Does It Actually [...]
Sounds like a fabulous career- minus the hours- but it sounds very rewarding! Great read.
I went to therapy last year to help me deal with having to rescue my husband from diabetic lows numerous times last summer (with absolutely no medical training AT ALL). It caused me so much stress that I didn’t get a period for months, and barely slept and made me blame him for all of it. I definitely believe in the power of talking through things to make buried truths become more apparent.
I did therapy with a pastor at my church off and on for a year or so after a messy breakup back when I was in university. It was really informal, kind of like he snuck me into it when I thought we were just talking about life – by the time I figured out what we were doing was counselling, I didn’t mind at all – there was no real “stigma” to it anymore because I found it so beneficial. It helps to talk things through, and if you have someone to talk to who’s actually trained in helping people sort things out, all the better!
During a time of crisis in my life I went to a therapist. It was THE best thing I could have ever done!!!!
I only really needed to go for a couple of months (if that) but it helped immensely. It was just so helpful to be able to go talk and bounce ideas off of someone.
And as far as a stigma being attached to therapy – that’s just crazy. In fact, I have friends (all lawyers) who firmly believe that everyone should have a therapist. It doesn’t mean you’re off your rocker . . . if anything it means that you’re investing time into your well being.
It’s no different than going to the gym!
That was a fascinating read. And Esther? You are adorable!
aawww thanks… im blushing
Starting therapy is actually one of my resolutions for this year! Due to the way my family IS, we don’t really talk about our feelings so I’ve just been ingrained to keep everything inside and I think therapy would help me to process my emotions better. Hopefully, once I find a full-time job, I can start therapy because I think it would do so much good for me.
Oh my gosh, what an amazing interview Amber – this was SO interesting to read! I think Esther is a wonderful woman and obviously loves her job. I love how honest she was about balancing it all! My two favorite quotes of the interview: ” what happens in therapy stays in therapy,” and “…it’s always heartbreaking to watch people stand in the way of the goals they have for themselves.” So true!
Seriously – blown away by this woman. She doesn’t have a blog of her own does she?!
Thanks, Becky. I’m blown away by the compliments. I hope you will check out the blog.. we are a few weeks away from launching a brand new design but check it out anyway. thanks again.
Yet another fantastic interview Amber. I was also interested to hear about this career- it’s actually something I think I’d be good at if I wasn’t a teacher (of course I would need some training haha). However, I don’t think I would like the hours at all- it reminds me of tutoring right now, being flexible to everyone’s schedule but my own!
I’ve never been to therapy myself, but I think I’m one of my only friends who hasn’t so I definitely don’t have a stigma about it- I’ve considered it several times, but like everything I try to do for relaxation I end up getting stressed about the extra time involved.
Also I would be a terrible therapist because I think not being able to tell your husband a funny story about work because it’s confidential is annoying. Sure, don’t tell everyone- but your husband or best friend? Psh. I’m against that. I’m glad they have peer groups for this at least!
This was a great interview. It was very informative for me as a future therapist. I am at the end of my practicum and master’s program and soon I will have to try to sit for licensure. The idea of peer groups for therapists is great because we are obligated my many ethical codes and it is difficult for us to discuss our cases or difficulties we are having with others.
Good luck, Latisha! if you are ever looking for some online resources for therapists, don’t be afraid to drop me an email.
Esther I would be so grateful if you could give me any information!!!!
Esther you are truly a breath of fresh air!!!
That was an awesome article and it really gave me some insight about the MFT industry. I am seriously thinking about pursuing my masters in MFT as a second career. It’s always been a passion of mine, but unfortunately I chose a different major and career path – mainly due to pressure from my parents. I’ve been doing research to try and find blogs or network groups online (just to get more insight about the industry), and wanted to know if you could provide me with some online resources? I’d be forever greatful!!
Thanks,
Melanie
Melanie & Latisha,
I’d love to recommend some online resources and a few books too. If you can give me a few weeks… i’ll have a page of therapist resources on my new website (www.grouptherapyassociates.com). if there is a specific topic (e.g. social media, marketing as a therapist, trauma, couple resources) you are really interested, let me know and I’ll pass along any recommendations that I have now.
I’ve never been but like you it’s definitely just the cost factor. At times, particularly in the last few years, I’ve thought it would be really nice just to be able to talk to someone without worrying about it.
Wow… I’m totally blown away by all the positive feedback
hope you did something fun together.
Amber- thanks for being interested and letting me share a little of my experience as a therapist. it was so much fun! and happy future anniversary
And for everyone that has left comments, thanks! It’s nice to hear so many people that appreciate the role therapy can play in all of our lives. I hope that in time, costs wont be such a barrier either.
Thanks… you are all so sweet!
p.s. i hope you’ll check out my blog, Therapy Notes, and the practice website. We are mid-way in our re-design (with Kyla- the designer featured by Amber a few months ago) so feel free to check it out now but be sure to come back (or subscribe) and see the new site when we unveil it in a few weeks.
[...] I recently had the pleasure of being interviewed by Amber of The Girl With the Red Hair blog (she’s got lots of interesting posts but I’m especially impressed with her running… it’s good motivation for me to get moving!) It was so much fun and I wanted to share it with all of you. If you’ve ever wondered what I do all day then this is definitely for you… Featured Career: Marriage and Family Therapist | Girl With The Red Hair [...]
Thanks Amber and Esther for this awesome post! I always thought I’d be a good therapist. I’m really interested in the way people communicate and relate to each other, and how everyone perceives things so differently!
I went to a therapist for about 6 months this past winter, and I can honestly say I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t decided to go.
I won’t lie I was a skeptic at first. I didn’t think therapy was for “crazy” people, I just didn’t see how it would help me. But it did, without me even realizing it was!
I love this series! I would be interested in being featured, I work in communications!
It’s so neat to read about a similar but very different profession. I have no desire to start a practice of my own when I’m finally licensed, but this was definitely eye-opening.
One of the reasons I’m a social worker is directly related to working with an LCSW in therapy when I was a senior in high school.
I wouldn’t mind being featured. I don’t blog, though, so I don’t know how that works!
This was a great interview. Very interesting about family/couples therapy. It would be especially hard to work in a field that requires you to work when everyone else isn’t. Makes for some long days. Good luck with your practice, Esther!
I am in school for my masters in psychology currently, and I really think I would enjoy working as a couples counselor/therapist. It sounds like a wonderful job!
This is so neat to read about. There are so many days where I wish I could go back and change what I got my degree in — and be a therapist! Especially marriage & family — this world needs good ones with all the divorce!!!
I did therapy my 1st year of college, b/c I weighed 85 pounds and exercised like a loon. (I have a sense of humor about the subject now….that 4-5 years have passed
) I had a great experience, and swear I wouldn’t be as strong, happy, and healthy today if it weren’t for a great therapist!
umm first of all Amber, do you not remember being forced to go the school consellour in like grade 4, after a HUGE fight between us, and courtney etc? i remember it very clearly – and that, is therapy.
and yes, i have gone since. my therapist lives right across the street from me! and she is one of my best friends now.
[...] Marriage and Family Therapist [...]
[...] Marriage and Family Therapist [...]