Iâ€™ve blogged a lot about my weight issues and weight loss before. Here are a few of those posts:
- Counting Calories
- Getting Back on Track
- Cutting Calories
- A Crime has been Committed
- Binge Eating
- On Trying to Lose Weight. Again.
Right now. Iâ€™m 10 pounds more than Iâ€™d like to be. Iâ€™m 8 pounds more than my happy weight and Iâ€™m 5 pounds more than I was when I ran my marathon.
Iâ€™m only 12 pounds away from my highest weight ever.
And you know what?
I donâ€™t f-ing care anymore.
I am so done with weight. Iâ€™m done with worrying about my weight. With feeling fat. With fat talking to myself and telling myself Iâ€™d better smarten up. With even looking at the scale let alone weighing myself. With counting calories. With being concerned I’m going to gain all the weight I lost back.
I have been obsessed with my weight for most of my life. And Iâ€™m done with it.
In the long run, what will those extra 10 pounds matter? When I’m on my death bed am I going to think back to January 2011 when I gained 10 pounds gorging myself on delicious Christmas treats? I highly doubt it. So why should I waste one more precious second of my life worrying about it.
I know how to eat healthy (and enjoy eating healthy) and I spend 5-7 hours a week running and doing yoga. Iâ€™m finally at a place where those extra 10 pounds really donâ€™t matter.
I need to let go. I need to let go of my obsession with weight, with calories, with size.
I need to accept the fact that I am, and probably always will be, a size 10 (ish).
I need to remember that sizes are all about perspective â€“ and what store youâ€™re shopping in â€“ anyways.
In 2011, I really, truly, want to let go of weight concerns. I want to quit fat talking to myself and I want to not care about my weight.
I donâ€™t discredit counting calories or tracking food. I wouldnâ€™t be where I am today without it. It taught me HOW to eat properly and WHAT were the correct portion sizes.
But now that I know those things? Iâ€™m done. Itâ€™s time to learn how to eat intuitively. And thatâ€™s going to be a learning process. If it means gaining a few pounds along the way, then fine.
What kind of life it must be to not think about your weight/size on a regular basis. To just not care because in the end, it’s really not that important anyways.
I want to get there in my life. And I will.