I’ve blogged a lot about my weight issues and weight loss before. Here are a few of those posts:
- Counting Calories
- Getting Back on Track
- Cutting Calories
- A Crime has been Committed
- Binge Eating
- On Trying to Lose Weight. Again.
Right now. I’m 10 pounds more than I’d like to be. I’m 8 pounds more than my happy weight and I’m 5 pounds more than I was when I ran my marathon.
I’m only 12 pounds away from my highest weight ever.
And you know what?
I don’t f-ing care anymore.
I am so done with weight. I’m done with worrying about my weight. With feeling fat. With fat talking to myself and telling myself I’d better smarten up. With even looking at the scale let alone weighing myself. With counting calories. With being concerned I’m going to gain all the weight I lost back.
I have been obsessed with my weight for most of my life. And I’m done with it.
In the long run, what will those extra 10 pounds matter? When I’m on my death bed am I going to think back to January 2011 when I gained 10 pounds gorging myself on delicious Christmas treats? I highly doubt it. So why should I waste one more precious second of my life worrying about it.
I know how to eat healthy (and enjoy eating healthy) and I spend 5-7 hours a week running and doing yoga. I’m finally at a place where those extra 10 pounds really don’t matter.
I need to let go. I need to let go of my obsession with weight, with calories, with size.
I need to accept the fact that I am, and probably always will be, a size 10 (ish).
I need to remember that sizes are all about perspective and what store you’re shopping in anyways.
In 2011, I really, truly, want to let go of weight concerns. I want to quit fat talking to myself and I want to not care about my weight.
I don’t discredit counting calories or tracking food. I wouldn’t be where I am today without it. It taught me HOW to eat properly and WHAT were the correct portion sizes.
But now that I know those things? I’m done. It’s time to learn how to eat intuitively. And that’s going to be a learning process. If it means gaining a few pounds along the way, then fine.
What kind of life it must be to not think about your weight/size on a regular basis. To just not care because in the end, it’s really not that important anyways.
I want to get there in my life. And I will.