10 Pounds

Photo from Oh She Glows

I’ve blogged a lot about my weight issues and weight loss before. Here are a few of those posts:

Right now. I’m 10 pounds more than I’d like to be. I’m 8 pounds more than my happy weight and I’m 5 pounds more than I was when I ran my marathon.

I’m only 12 pounds away from my highest weight ever.

And you know what?

I don’t f-ing care anymore.

I am so done with weight. I’m done with worrying about my weight. With feeling fat. With fat talking to myself and telling myself I’d better smarten up. With even looking at the scale let alone weighing myself. With counting calories. With being concerned I’m going to gain all the weight I lost back.

Just done.

I have been obsessed with my weight for most of my life. And I’m done with it.

In the long run, what will those extra 10 pounds matter? When I’m on my death bed am I going to think back to January 2011 when I gained 10 pounds gorging myself on delicious Christmas treats? I highly doubt it. So why should I waste one more precious second of my life worrying about it.

I know how to eat healthy (and enjoy eating healthy) and I spend 5-7 hours a week running and doing yoga. I’m finally at a place where those extra 10 pounds really don’t matter.

I need to let go. I need to let go of my obsession with weight, with calories, with size.

I need to accept the fact that I am, and probably always will be, a size 10 (ish).

I need to remember that sizes are all about perspective and what store you’re shopping in anyways.

In 2011, I really, truly, want to let go of weight concerns. I want to quit fat talking to myself and I want to not care about my weight.

I don’t discredit counting calories or tracking food. I wouldn’t be where I am today without it. It taught me HOW to eat properly and WHAT were the correct portion sizes.

But now that I know those things? I’m done. It’s time to learn how to eat intuitively. And that’s going to be a learning process. If it means gaining a few pounds along the way, then fine.

What kind of life it must be to not think about your weight/size on a regular basis. To just not care because in the end, it’s really not that important anyways.

I want to get there in my life. And I will.

47 Responses

  1. Exactly! Whenever I have a negative thought, or a stressful moment, I try to stop myself and ask, “When I’m 100 and on my deathbed, is this what I’m going to be thinking about?” Usually, the answer is no! :-)

  2. Emily Jane says:

    I love this and I actually started clapping for you when I read that. :) I need to take a leaf out of your book – everyone is telling me to actually put ON weight but I’m terrified by those numbers on the scale. But I so need to adopt your way of looking at things – just be healthy, and stop worrying about what size that makes me :)

  3. Kyla Roma says:

    Yes yes yes! I’m so happy for you Amber, this sounds like it falls in line with the whole way you live your life: with a lot of heart, tons of dedication, and a well rounded perspective. You eat so well, you work out so consistently, and you take care of yourself so beautifully that being fixated on a number could totally skew the way you feel about all the great things you’re doing. I vote you stick to all the wonderful habits you have, and kick the scale in the teeth. Here’s to letting go :)

  4. Yes! I love this! I don’t even own a scale. I found that it was more harmful than helpful for me. I am much kinder to myself these days and I never tell myself I am fat anymore – but boy I used to! Now I am in awe of what my body can do. Hello, we ran a marathon. That’s HUGE. So whatever the scale says, then so be it. I don’t care anymore either. I will step on it occasionally at the gym out of curiosity but I have learned that it really does not tell the whole story.

    My focus is going to be on eating healthy foods. I want to eat as few processed foods as possible and eat food that both tastes good and is good for me. The scale will say what it will say. As long as I keep exercising and eating right, it will all balance out.

  5. Lauren says:

    This was awesome! Your body is healthy with all the running & yoga you do, and you’re making it healthier by not worrying about the scale. I never weigh myself, but I hate when I go to the doctor and my weight is 5 lbs more/less than before, and she asks me why my weight has changed or any problems with it. Everyone’s weight fluctuates, and doctors should not question or bring up weight insecurities with patients.

  6. Yay! Congrats! I hope I get there someday…

  7. mania says:

    Love your post, concerning about weight and fat is not important at all compared to things like being healthy, active and happy; which you are. so good for you:)

  8. Just yes.

    You have so many great things going for your happiness, why poison the well by dwelling on a number? It’s so freeing not to.

  9. Leigh says:

    Such a great post Amber! I think for woman it’s so hard to stop beating ourselves up over those 5 or 10 pounds, but it’s awesome that you are taking control and saying no more!

  10. Nora says:

    I love, love, love this post. I am currently 6 pounds from happy weight and 11 pounds from my super happy weight. There are days where I care, but other days where I just don’t give a darn anymore. It’s so exhausting to constantly think about it… I am going to just continue to live a healthy, active lifestyle and do my best to be happy with what I see in the mirror. I can do it. I have to do it.

    Also, I love you. Just thought you should know that. :)

    Thanks for this post, for sharing, for inspiring… I’m so glad that I read your blog!!!

  11. Good for you!! This post shows a lot about your character and the person you are!

    Very inspiring!

  12. Nicole says:

    i couldnt agree more! :) what a great post!

  13. Becky says:

    Amen! As long as you’re living a healthy lifestyle (and I’d like you to find one person claiming you’re not!) the number doesn’t matter. So proud of you! You look awesome!

  14. Tristan says:

    A beautiful post, Amber.

    Thank you!

  15. Meghan says:

    This post is amazing and touches home. You’re one of the healthiest and most active women I know, and this is such an empowering post. Good for you for closing the door on the stress of the 5-10 because really, it doesn’t matter. And besides when people, myself included, look at you they aren’t looking at size but how beautiful and full of life you are. Cheesy but true.

  16. Great attitude girl!!!!!!!! Weight is only a number, and it doesn’t define who you are or how hot you look :-)

  17. While I can’t yet throw away the scale, as I’m SO far above a healthy weight, I love the focus on health and not a number, and on eating intuitively. I want to get there, too.

    • MissAmber says:

      I totally understand! I was at that point once too – I needed the scale and I NEEDED to count calories. It took me THREE YEARS to get where I am right now and I’m still not done the journey because now I’m trying to get away from my binge eating tendencies and LEARN how to eat intuitively – which is resulting in pounds gained. But I refuse to beat myself up about it because it is a new learning curve to go from tracking everything you eat to listening to your body and having what you’re craving when you’re hungry without going overboard!

      Remember, it’s a long journey, but it’s worth it in the end. :)

  18. That sounds like the best new years resolution I’ve read yet. :) I’m with you on that. Though I am going to try consciously to cut back on sugar and focus on eating real whole foods more. :)

  19. YES!!!! I’d start clapping right now if you could hear me. :) LOVE this post Amber. LOVE IT!

  20. Lisa says:

    I love the sign on your scale.

    I hear ya. I’m 9 pounds from where I’d LIKE to be but part of me just doesn’t care. I’m happy, I’m healthy, I look good….so who cares about 9 pounds?

  21. This is awesome! You know, the fat talk and the self love is hard no matter what. I know it’s harder for women to feel like our bodies are good enough and I think it always will be that way, we also have the choice to choose better thoughts for ourselves.

    Even though I’m at my happy weight, I find myself fat talking and feeling guilty when I have a few sweets in a day or overeat. It has shown me that 20 lbs ago when I thought “life will be great when I’m at ___lbs,” I was wrong. The number on the scale doesn’t provide the happiness or all the answers. It’s within us to explore ourselves and be happy enough to be okay with our bodies and actions to find happiness. Cheers to you for deciding to not worry about fighting those last 10 lbs. I honestly think my weight became easier when I thought less about the scale and stopped weighing myself every day.

  22. liane says:

    Love this!
    It’s so true, we get so wrapped up on the number on the scale, and forget all the amazing things we’ve accomplished (like the running of a marathon!)

    I love that picture as well. Somedays I just go search for it on Ange’s site, just to remind me :)

  23. Erin says:

    This was such an awesome post!!!!!! I love the way you think and the fact that you were able to put your thoughts into words for all of us to enjoy!!!!! A lot of ladies reading can DEFINITELY relate!!!!!

  24. Amazing! It’s sad that it is such a brave thing to let go of the weight obsession, but I seriously admire you. I’ve definitely gotten better about it (I haven’t weighed myself since the summer!), but just because I can’t see the number, doesn’t mean I don’t imagine it all the time and place to much emphasis on weight. So kudos to you!

    Also, I love your hair! I’m jealous.

  25. Ah, never did own a scale. For grins I gave an absurd number at the DMV when I got my license and insisted to the cashier that yes, I did weight 280 lb. They got tired of my hamming and invented a weight for me, which I’ve been claiming ever since!

  26. Amanda says:

    Rock on, Amber. One of the scariest things I’ve ever done was put away the scale permanently and focus on doing activities that make me feel healthy and fit, and cleaning up my eating act. Turns out I lost weight anyway (putting me back in my happy weight range). I think sometimes we focus so much on the numbers that we lose sight of what those numbers MEAN. Weight can tell you if you’re in a healthy range or not, but not much else. It won’t tell you if you have more muscle or fat. It won’t tell you if you can run a marathon. They won’t tell you if people are gonna like you, or if you’ll get a promotion tomorrow, or if you’re on the way to achieving all your life goals. Weight is a health indicator but we place so much more emphasis on it than it deserves.

  27. Michaela says:

    Good for you! Scales are stupid anyway — they can’t tell the difference between muscle and fat. Your life does not need to ruled by a scale! You are a strong, confident, powerful woman, and you don’t need a little piece of bathroom machinery to tell you that.

  28. Amber says:

    GOOD FOR YOU!!!! I have had a similar epiphany lately. I have to try HARD to be “skinny” and sometimes it just doesn’t feel natural to have to try so hard. I know I have my phases where I eat really bad, but for the most part I make smart, conscious decisions about what I put in my mouth. If this is the size God wants me to be, so be it! I’m not gonna argue with him!! :)

  29. mandy says:

    Good for you Amber! I’m way above a weight where I should be, but I dont weight myself because I hate being tied to a number. As long as I’m taking the steps to improve my habits, be more active, and reign in bad habits thats what matters to me.

  30. April says:

    How can you run so much and not be at your happy weight, or even under, really? You run a LOT! More than I ever want to think about running. I hope that question doesn’t sound derogatory in any way, but you really do exercise so much that it made me wonder.

    I feel the same as you though, I’m effing done with thinking I need to lose weight, but my big obstacle is that my ob-gyn thinks I need to lose 10 pounds because I have “small bones”. And I have to see her in March, having gained weight since last time. :\

    • MissAmber says:

      Because I also eat too much. Especially in the last few weeks – cookies and chocolate were basically a food group in my life!

      I read somewhere once that weight loss is 80% nutrition, 10% fitness and 10% mental. I’m not sure I completely agree with that but I definitely think weight loss is more nutrition than fitness. It’s a lot easier to eat 500 calories than it is to burn them off!

      • April says:

        Wow, I always thought it was more fitness than nutrition. Good to know though, at least with these holidays being over, cookies and chocolate can go back to just being a dessert instead of a whole food group! Working in an office that gets deluged with snacks and cookies and God knows what all else certainly doesn’t help.

        Here’s to trying to fill up with fiber rich foods before we have dessert!

  31. Jess says:

    You go Amber! You are so much more than just a number! Good luck with intuitive eating, I’m sure you’ll get the hang of what your body wants and needs very quickly!

  32. Stephany says:

    I love this, Amber! I want to someday get to this point but right now, I do need to track what I eat and keep track of my weight. It’s very inspiring, though, to see how far you’ve come to the point that you can stop thinking so much about your weight and what you eat. :) You rock.

  33. Jessica says:

    That is a great way to look at this. You’re so right, in the end, will 10 pounds REALLY matter all that much?

  34. Alyson says:

    Good. For. You!!!! That is an unbelievably healthy and admirable goal, it shows so much maturity and (most importantly) self-love to be able to make a decision like that!

    I need to take a page out of your book, you’re so inspiring :)

  35. Lisa says:

    Great post! I can totally relate. One thing that has been resonating with my recently is less the “when I’m dying at 100, will this matter?” conversation and more this:

    “what if I die tomorrow? will this be how I spent my last day, counting calories, standing on the scale, telling myself I’m fat?”

    Thanks for sharing this brave post. We need to trust ourselves! :)

  36. Heather C says:

    This post could not be any better – that scale picture is AMAZING, brilliant. I got chills reading this, just hearing you take control of your own life, your own happiness, and your own health! :)

  37. kilax says:

    Great post! I am right there with you – I just want to have fun and be happy, not worry about my weight. I don’t think it matters in the long run.

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