Ever since Healthy Ashley posted this post, I have wanted to write my own post on the topic. But I had to spend a couple weeks gathering my thoughts 
The question she posed was this:
OPINION: If you’re highly physically active, would you date/be with someone who isn’t active at all but is everything else you want? Why?
As running/yoga/healthy living became more a part of my life over the past couple of years there were times that I resented the fact that Eric didn’t feel the same way. Some of the best dates we ever had were going on runs together, going hiking, playing basketball or rollerblading.
Unfortunately, he was not as passionate about the same activities as me.
Every time I saw on a blog or heard about a couple who were highly active together: Couples that run/bike/do yoga together, a couple that was training for a marathon together etc. it made me a little sad that that would never be us.
Finally, I realized that I need to accept that we were never going to be that couple. And we don’t need to be.
As I’ve gone on this crazy running journey and trained for three half-marathons and now a full, he has been with me every step of the way. Maybe he hasn’t been “running” with me, but he was at 2 of my 3 half-marathons snapping photos and meeting me halfway with water. He watched Spirit of the Marathon with me the other night, and even if he didn’t get it when I started to tear up at the end of the movie, he didn’t say anything.
After my first half-marathon in Vancouver:
Will he run with me? No. But we do lift weights together once or twice a week. And we play tennis every once in awhile.
Eric is really into lifting weights and strength training. He is currently doing the P90X challenge, and he usually lifts weights for 1-2 hours, 2-4x/week. Sometimes I even join him. Lord knows I could use some more strength training in my routine.
He even gave up meat with me and only eats it on occasion when we go out.
When looking through old photos the other day I realized that in the last three years we have lost 65 pounds between the two of us. We both workout more and eat healthier than ever before. So even if we’re not doing the same activities, we’re not that couple that will ever run a marathon together, I am just happy that we are both healthy and active in our own ways.
Maybe he won’t run with me, or drink green smoothies or go to Hot Yoga. But he’s healthy and active on his own terms. Plus, he comes to my races and takes photos. He cooks me dinner. He lifts weights with me and occasionally he can be persuaded to go on a hike or walk. Occasionally 
Check out these before and after photos of us. I’m so happy that we’ve developed a healthier and happier lifestyle that we can share!
2007:
2010:
What’s your thoughts on Ashley’s question? If you’re highly physically active, would you date someone who isn’t? Why or why not? Even if we’re not talking “activity” would you be with someone who you don’t share very many interests with? Why or why not?
{ 39 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow! What a difference! You look so much more mature in that second picture too
You guys are an adorable couple. I also read Ashley’s post and while I admire her willingness to stand up for what she believes in, I tend to agree with you on this one. My boyfriend is also active in different ways than I am. He doesn’t really understand running (there is no ball to chase…what is the point?) but he loves to play sports, etc. Like you, sometimes I wish that he would share my passion or that we could occasionally run , but I don’t push it. One time he road his bike with me while I ran and I sometimes meet up with him and his friends to play soccer on Tuesday nights. Overall, what we have works for me. He likes to sleep in on the weekends and I like to get up early to do my long run. It works out perfectly because by the time I get back, he usually has a fabulous brunch on the table 
wow you two look great! Its funny, Matt and I have switched rolls. When we first started dating, it was his job to be physically fit. Literally. The Army doesnt want slackers. All the while I was still in school studying and being lazy if you will.
Now I am the training and going to the gym and while he is going to the gym, he cant stand running (not to mention he has an injury that isnt healing properly). BUT if I want to go for a walk or hike or eat better, he will do it at a drop of a hat.
Being active together is a cheap date. And you benefit from it.
Holy smokes – what a difference there is between those 2 pictures! You guys should both be so proud of yourselves! You always were an attractive couple, but now you are a hot, fit, attractive couple1
I don’t expect to date someone who is into running like I am, but I would want to date someone with a healthy lifestyle. I think it would cause a bit of a strain if I didn’t date someone who worked out somewhat because I spend hours of the week at the gym, so it’s be optimal if my boyfriend also worked out. Plus, it’s easier to keep that healthy lifestyle if your significant other is living a healthy lifestyle, too. Otherwise it’s sort of tempting to slip into their exercise-free lifestyle (this is what happened when I dated my last boyfriend).
Interesting question, though. Part of my answer is motivated by the fact that I want to date someone who is healthy and attractive, but mostly, I want to date someone who takes care of themselves. There are so many health risks that you can avoid by living a healthy lifestyles, so I want to date someone who realizes that…
First of all: you look FANTASTIC. You are such an inspiration to me.
This issue is something that The Hubs and I have been struggling with all year. He has always been active, but as students our activities were limited. We often went on walks together and he was/is an avid biker. Like 50km bike rides. He is naturally lean and athletically built and these things always seem to come easily to him. Me? Not so much. I am built a little differently and my body isn’t quite so forgiving.
When we graduated last spring and started working full-time his interest in sports and outdoor activities exploded. My computer engineer husband was suddenly playing hockey twice a week, soccer, hunting, biking and any other outdoor adventurous activity he could get his hands on. I like doing all those things, but not every day. And this year, more than ever, we realized that we are two different people and that’s okay. I like to read books, and he likes to ride motorcycles. While I know he’s still sometimes sad that I don’t do all these things with him, he knows I support him in everything he does. And, we’re training for a race together. While I may not have his natural ability for athletics, when I get into it, I love to run. My pace is WAY slower than his (he has crazy long legs) but we run together when we can and we’re running a 10km race together next month.
I have never believed that two people have to like all the same things to be together, in fact, I think it sometimes makes a couple more interesting when they don’t. We have plenty that we like to do together, but then we also are active in our own lives. We’ve been married for five years and it’s working well for us.
Such an interesting post! So much to think about.
T grew up being really active, doing all kinds of sports, then Parkour/free running, then the army. Then he came back and started working – doing quite physical work, but otherwise being a total slob. And I’ve always been totally sedentary, apart from forced PE in school.
Now I’m trying to run once a week, but running isn’t really his thing…and I think I prefer to go alone. I’m trying to get us to be a bit more active together – tennis, basketball…but the weather has been SHOCKING and our schedules mean that in winter hours, we don’t really have much daylight time together.
Imagine, though – on my birthday we went for a jog and shot some hoops. I never in a million years would have imagined doing that on a birthday!
Hey, this is definitely an issue that I can relate to, while I have been running since high school and recently trained for a half-marathon last summer and a triathalon this summer, my long term boyfriend hates the idea of running and is not a big gym person. However, although I realized like you that we will never be that couple running a marathon together, since being together my boyfriend has embraced healthy living. We even trained for a 5K that we ran together last summer, and he has been my biggest cheerleader through all of my racing events. I think in the end its important to be with someone who enjoys healthy eating and living and will stay healthy even if the idea of running a marathon is their idea of sheer torture.
Great post and you guys look great! My husband and I have very little in common-but it works for us. I used to never be into physical activity but I’ve become more and more committed to it over the years. I’ll still try to encourage when I can but I know I can’t push him into enjoying things he doesn’t want to do. Sure, there have been times when our lack of common interests bugs me but I truly know our relationship is strong – we don’t have to do every single thing together. Plus, I think we’re better at compromise because of this – we can find middle ground on everything and we’re both open to new, different things!
What a great topic – and I can totally empathise with the feeling of “*sad face*, we’re never going to be THAT couple” – except for me it was dressing up in nerdy costumes and geeking out at Comic Con instead of exercise
On the outside, we don’t have many of the same interests at all – but over the course of our relationship we’ve both learned about things the other is passionate about and supported (and ended up liking) the things that at first were so… foreign. For me, I’ve been into arts my whole life, and the only science I was interested in was of the fiction variety. Since we’ve been together, D’s explained all sorts of things scientifically and I’ve found a new love for science! Same the other way around – he was always mathematic, science-inclined – yet since we’ve been together, he found he enjoyed blogging once in a while, and went from “I’m perfectly content to stay here in MB” to travelling the world and loving it 
This is a good question. And one that I have been thinking about a lot recently because I have upped my exercise. My husband does not exercise at all! He’ll go hiking when he goes deer hunting, and has a very physical job. But will never go for a voluntary sweat session. I have asked him 100 times if he would like to do this or that with me and the awswer is always no. It’s frustrating, but not a deal breaker. I knew this when we dated and I knew this when I married him. And it sounds like I’m not the only one.
By the way… that green dress is an awesome color for you.
So, I’m totally going to come at this from the opposite perspective from your post and most of the comments, which I hope is okay
I can’t stand to run. I wish I liked it, but I have to say that’s more pressure to fit in in the blogosphere than an internal desire to be a runner. I’m healthy in my own way, but I’m not super active. A part of that is just the speed of my life right now…I’m working sometimes 30 hours a week and taking 7 classes in law school. THAT is my priority. With that in mind, I’m not interested in being with someone whose priority is working out. I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with making that a central focus of your life (clearly there’s nothing wrong with that!), just that it’s not something that’s particularly important to me right now so it wouldn’t really go into factoring whether I want to be with someone.
when we first got together – we both were gym goers. but we never really went together. when we moved in together, we went together every now and then. Then his job just became stressful. and he stopped going to the gym. But the fun thing that we both do together is mountain biking. I essentially had to talk him into it. all i had to say was getting bikes would be fun, and he thought i was nuts, but then he realized it was fun! that’s the activity we do together – maybe 1 or 2 times a week, he’ll get up with me and hit the gym and really push me in terms of weight training, I’m hoping sooner rather than later he’ll get into going most mornings with me.
as for my running – i haven’t done it since the half marathon in april, but he’s been supportive of me running. I just haven’t done it because i’m more focused on strength training, i think he prefers i do that than running (cuz i get injured when i run!)
What a difference indeed! Ben and I don’t necessarily do all the same work out kind of stuff but he is really encouraging and honestly I think that is more important than him working out with me.
I think you two are too cute!
Being as how I’m currently single and very active- I believe it would be hard for me to initially start dating someone who isn’t. Because it’s a large part of my life and I need someone who sort of understands the time commitments/etc it includes. Plus, it’d give us stuff to do together. I wouldn’t rule any other options out, but I think it’d be much easier if I found someone who would go out on a run or hiking or whatnot with me…
You know, even those couples who are interested in the same activities? It isn’t always what it’s chalked up to be. One person is usually stronger or faster than the other, so there is compromise and potentially resentment/guilt associated with the imbalance. The real question is whether you’re both active and can appreciate one another’s endeavors.
Sweets and I are both active. I’m a runner (when not pregnant). He’s a cyclist. We both lift weights. And both love doing all things outdoors (hiking, canoeing, etc.). I’m very appreciative that I married someone so devoted to activity … and am excited that it’s something we will continue to do as we raise a family!
I think all that matters to me is that the guy takes care of himself, is healthy and at least enjoys working out a few times a week, even if it’s not with me, you know? The gym/my exercise/my running is very much a “me” thing and while I’d love to share it with someone, especially if they were passionate about it, it’s totally okay with me if they don’t. I think the trouble is when someone values exercise and health, and the other person doesn’t. That’s when I think it would be hard (and, well, I can say from experience it is hard!)
Your relationship with Eric totally mirrors mine with Kirk. He’s very active in competitive team sports which is something that has never appealed to me. He’s plays softball in the summer, football in the spring and fall, and is on a bowling team in the winter. He was captain of the tennis team in high school and this is the one sport that we can partake in together though he is FAR more skilled than I am. I run and I lift, and that’s about it. I like that I don’t have to compare myself to anyone else, and that if I have an off day, no one other than myself needs to know about it. I like not having a team to have to answer to, but like you, I really wish I was one of THOSE couples who run together. It’s just strange to be so passionate about something and not be able to share it with my soul mate. I’m still coming to terms with that, but I hope it gets easier!
What a lovely couple! I agree, green is a fabulous colour for you.
I feel similarly to many others who’ve commented on this post. It’s nice to have things in common with a partner, but at the same time, we don’t have to have all the same interests. I’m a solo workout girl, though I love going for long walks or hikes together. B is a mountain bike guy, and I’m far too accident prone for that.
My husband is more physically active than me, but he only became a hard-core athlete in the last 2 years, and before that, I was more active than him! It is fine for us, and I have no problem with it
I might not run marathons, or triathlons, but all our other interests are in line enough for us to do pretty much everything together.
Great post and I agree with everyone above, you both look great! I only started following you a year ago so I didn’t realize how many healthy changes you both have made.
I love this question, I saw it on ashley’s blog too. Its a tough one for me because being active and sporty is such a big part of my life. Its not just going to the gym or running, its skiing in the winter time, wakeboarding in the summer, watching baseball or hockey games every night. While I don’t think I would have any problem loving and being in a relationship with someone who isn’t as physically active, I don’t think it would happen to me. Simply because I don’t know how I would meet them or what we would talk about on a first date haha. I’ve noticed that most of my friends I’ve met through sports, I met Chris through hockey and I think it was that shared hobby that made us fall in love at first. It sounds silly but it was a huge part of our life then and it was nice to have someone who completely understood.
I’m with you on this one – almost identically! My husband was never really unhealthy, but his diet wasn’t too hot and his only run was the occasional (probably bi-weekly) slow jog. At times he’d drop jogging, too. I got more interested in running after we met, but he didn’t. It’s ok. He’s a good sport and he’ll come with me to races, go to the gym with me, and even run races. He’s training for a half-marathon right now (’cause I forced him to!). It’s not his “thing” and we won’t be that exercisey couple, but we’ve both made modifications so our lifestyles mesh. It’s called marriage, right? LOL
This is a great topic and something I’ve wanted to write about on my blog–but haven’t because I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend’s feelings.
First, I could never date someone who wasn’t healthy (at least in their own way). I wasted too much of my life being unhealthy and unhappy. I need to surround myself with positive, healthy people now.
When my boyfriend and I started dating 2 years ago, I was still trying to lose my weight. He loved me even though I was 25 pounds from my goal. We are very active as a couple. We both love biking and we participated in a bike race together this year. It was great!
Michael does NOT like running. I had hoped he’d develop an interest in it and it could be something we’d do together, but I’ve made peace with the fact that he isn’t.
He told me recently that he was NEVER really an active guy before he met me.
That was cool. Now we hike, bike and camp all the time.
I think it’s more important for a significant other to support you in your health and fitness goals. If they don’t tear you down, I don’t think it matters that don’t do the same thing. And while I think it’s important for them to take care of themselves, they don’t have to love the same activities as me.
The BF has come to almost all of my races. Getting up insanely early to drive me to them, waiting around taking pictures etc. He even ran a half marathon once because I thought it’d be fun for him to try it. He didn’t like it, so that was the end of it.
But he plays volleyball and loves it. And I go to his games to support him.
I think the important thing is each of you finding your own healthy thing and supporting each other in whatever that may be.
Andrew and I are really supportive of one another…when we’re both on track. If not, we’re sort of bad for the other—it’s easy for one of us to cave if the other wants ice cream
But, I do love that he’s willing to support me as I work to lose weight and I know he wants to do the same.
I consider myself very active but i dont eat as healthy as i should so it balances out. my boyfriend is into basketball, rollerblading and some short distance running. he gets bored if we go further than 5 miles. he was very supportive of all of my running throughout high school and now. he was at my first marathon and is always proud of me. most of the time, he only wants to run with me if its a race and then he runs as fast as he can to beat me and then hes good for a while. i’m happy with the relationship we have. running is my outlet to my own world and he has his outlets too. its great when we both take part in the others favorite activities but its also great that we both can do our own thing and come home to eachother when were done.
i agree with you!
I’ve thought about this before but my question’s a little bit different. I used to be active in high school when I met my husband (and he was too). Now I’m not active anymore and I truly want that to change. He’s still active but not as much as he would like to and is going to join a Kickball team soon next month anyways. My question is more like would he like me now if we just met now since I was active when we met? I ballooned up in college and stopped being active. I’ve recently decided to train for a 1/2 marathon in January and am anxious to finally accomplish something actively!
Aw I love the pictures of you too
You look so young in 2007!
Anyway, Eric and I are like you guys (of course!), we are both active in our own ways and they don’t always overlap. I would rather go to the gym, go for a run and then do whatever the day brings. Eric would rather go play basketball (hate that sport) and call it a work out, or lift. He is training for a 5k with me but that came out of no where and should not be reflective of our relationship haha. I’ve accepted that we have different work out styles and I think its fine as long as we both are healthy- like Lisa said I just want him to take care of himself and be around for awhile! On the other hand, I do wish our eating was a bit more “together” Eric would literally die before he gave up meat for me…not that I even give up meat myself haha but he is very set in his ways about his food and I guess I am too so..we have maybe 2 meals we eat the same and thats it haha. Oh well.
You two are adorable and you look great!
I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t have ANY interest in health, based on my current situation. When I was overweight and unhappy this lifestyle didn’t matter to me but it does now. Regardless, I’ve been lucky enough to be with someone who often feels the same way I do. Sometimes we’re on opposite schedules, like when he ran a half marathon and I was at my heaviest, or when he’s injured and I’m running like crazy and vice versa. I don’t know that I could be with someone who didn’t share in that part of my life in some way, whether as a participant or a supportive spectator.
Great post and I actually feel like you read my mind because I was going to post something similar this weekend or early next week. (Mine will be about eating habit though) My answer to your question is yes and I am. As long as the other person is supportive I feel like you can manage the different lifestyles. And I encourage the BF to be more healthy and in time I feel like he will naturally start to lean towards it (fingers crossed!)
as long as the partner is supportive and you both feel like you’re working towards a goal then everything should be fine. When it becomes lopside, resentments kick in. Hope your training is going well! portland in a few weeks….
Hello – new reader here! I’ve been getting into reading blogs these days and I’ve found a bunch of good ones on running…but you are the first who also mentions hot yoga too! Yay! It’s my favorite! Also my favorite – red hair! Wish mine was natural…
My husband is not as into the physical activities as I am. He has been running with me a little bit lately, but he’s not really into anything longer than 2 miles. But it kind of works out. He always comes to races with me, and it’s nice having someone there to hold my coat and take pics at the finish line.
This is so interesting – I guess I’m weird, because I’ve never really wanted to be part of “that couple”. I’ve seen lots of my friends start dating people and attempting to run a three legged race at the same time, integrating all of their interests. I think it’s great (& vital) to have areas of overlap in your interest – but I think our relationships suffer when we don’t have time to challenge ourselves and test our limits outside of that couple dynamic.
I love Jesse madly, but if he came to hot yoga or my knitting club with me, or (god forbid!) started blogging I would actually be sad. I love that I can tell him al about my new yoga experiences, and he can fill me in on movie news and video games. I love that dynamic of teaching the other person and bringing new experiences into the relationship.
Maybe that’s a sign that we’ve lived together for a really long time? lol
I couldn’t be with someone who had no interest in health or activity. Those things are a big part of me and therefore important in a relationship. It wouldn’t be about the looks though. It would be about caring for himself.
I think I would NEED my future partner to be living a healthy lifestyle. For me, it’s because I know it would be so easy for me to revert back to old habits if I didn’t have the most important person in my life pushing me in that way. That’s not to say that if he wasn’t, he wouldn’t support me…but there’s a point where you see your partner eating something unhealthy or sleeping in on a Saturday and just want to be doing the same thing. While it doesn’t bother me if he does the same activities as me, I do want him to be healthy and active – just because it means we’ll have a longer life in the long run!
You two look great!! Enjoying the *same* activities isn’t a requirement for a successful relationship – you each have your own “things”, whatever works for you!
D & I both love and crave activity every day – I run, he rides (sometimes with me on foot, or with me on the bike
) – and luckily we both love to be outside, hike, walk or whatever. I wouldn’t change that for anything!
I commented on Healthy Ashley’s original post that I don’t think I could date someone who didn’t have some sort of fitness endeavor. Eric may not run, but he likes lifting and is supporting your healthy lifestyle. I would feel guilty every time I went off to the gym, out to run or do yoga that I was neglecting my partner bc he doesn’t want to do those things or anything for his own health. Exercise is just too much a part of my life to not have a partner who feels the same way. Manfriend loves cycling and has a different philosophy on exercise (he rides when he feels like it), but all the same, he does it regularly and loves a good challenge. For him, that’s riding 75-100 miles w/ crazy hills. Silly boy.
I never thought that I would marry someone who was not active… until the day that I met my husband. He is by far the worst eater I have ever seen. Anything deep fried, he eats. But I love him. He is my best friend and makes me laugh like crazy. I’m sorry, but food and a 30 minute exercise routine isn’t what counts in the long run of a life long partner. Of course I push him towards healthy living and he is working on it. But there are so many more important things in a marriage / being with someone than exercise.
Beautiful pictures!
I could definitely be with someone who doesn’t share my interests, as long as he supports mine. I’ve been with too many guys who are neither share my interests nor want to see me succeed. (Lucky me, right?!???) I’m absolutely fine with a difference in interests/opinions … to me, that keeps things interesting. On the other hand, it’s also ideal to share core values with each other, so while he doesn’t necessarily need to be Mr. Buff, he probably shouldn’t shudder at the idea of a healthy meal every so often.
My husband would go on a hike DAILY if he could. I’m a little different. I’m not a very active person, but he has changed my mind on a few things. For instance, I actually enjoy hikes now, and I even plan one on occasion. (He always leads the hike, though, because I’d be totally lost!) If I don’t feel like hiking, he can usually get my out by telling me to bring my camera. We have hiked a few times in the ice/snow, and though it was hard due to slippery ice, I was able to get some beautiful photos! He also boulders (though he hasn’t in a while due to elbow pain), but I am too terrified to climb rocks without safety equipment. We also like to ride bikes together, though I’m more of a cruiser, while he likes to ride through rough terrain.
I’m wanting to start running, and I’ve tried to talk him into running with me at the park, but he doesn’t like running on a sidewalk/road. He prefers trail running because sidewalks cause his knees to hurt. I, however, prefer the sidewalks. I’m thinking of compromising some, though, because I’d love for us to run together. I just don’t know if I could keep up with him while trail running through the mountains!
Now that the weather is cooling down a bit, I’m a little more open to being active OUTSIDE. I’m actually planning a hike & picnic for us this weekend because I know it will be good for us, and I LOVE picnics!
Hi Amber, I just found your blog and LOVE it! You’ll be seeing a few comments from me this morning (from one redhead to another).
My husband and I don’t work out together either. I’ve taken up running this past year (will be running my first half marathon on Oct 10th) and my husband hasn’t run one step with me. His new job is very physical–he runs up and down stairs all day–instead of running out on the road with me. Either way we’re both losing weight and feeling healthier. Though I’m a little sad about heading out on my own at times I also prefer my solitary runs . My husband is also incredibally supportive my my new healthy lifestyle. After my long runs he meets me at the door with a glass of water, a fresh smoothie, a hot coffee and whatever else I whine for. That works for me too!
You both look great–keep up the good work.