Binge Eating
Hi, I’m Amber and sometimes I binge eat.
Hiiiii Amber.
Last week I read a post that really resonated with me.
This post, Stopping When You’re Satisfied, resonated with me because for as long as I can remember I’ve had a problem with binge eating.
I’m the girl who doesn’t buy the ingredients for chocolate chip cookies, because she will make a batch and then eat the entire thing. Sometimes before they even get in the oven.
I’m the girl who goes for seconds or thirds even after she’s full
I’m the girl who has sat with a big bag of chips, continually stuffing more chips into her mouth even though she knows she needs to stop.
I’m the girl who has gone to bed with a stomachache on more than one occasion because she actually ate so much food it made her stomach ACHE.
I’m slowly getting more in touch with my hunger and food cues. I’m learning to pack up food at a restaurant to take home, to push my plate away when I’m full, that it’s OK to throw food in the garbage. I’m slowly learning this and I don’t binge eat nearly as much as I used to, but it still happens sometimes.
Sometimes, like on Sunday night when I ate two big servings of chili. And then, for some reason unbeknownst to me, had a piece of fudge and a cookie which pushed me over my limit.
I don’t really know how to explain this, or if anyone would understand, but for some reason I reach this point when I’m binge eating where the more full I am, the more I want to keep eating. The more I crave that extra cookie, that extra piece of bread, another handful of chips.
I actually get nervous when I’m in situations where there is a buffet-type setting of food and you just kind of pick away at it. On one hand, I love appie-style foods. On the other hand, I know that I will mindlessly eat and eat and eat until I go over the edge. And then, once I’m over the edge, I’ll want to eat more.
Who gets nervous around food?
Who doesn’t buy food because they know it will be too hard to resist a binge?
Me. That’s who.
A few years ago, I used to do this all the time. I would eat so much my stomach hurt on a regular basis. And then I would tell myself that the next day I could barely eat to make up for my binge.
In case you hadn’t noticed, this kind of relationship with food is very unhealthy.
And then there’s after wards. After I’ve ate so much I feel sick and other, more emotional, feelings start to set in.
I feel fat. I feel disgusting. I feel ashamed. I feel angry at myself.
Today, I have a much healthier relationship for food. For the most part, I push my plate away when I’m full, I pack up leftovers in a restaurant and I stop at one cookie.
For the most part. But it’s still a work-in process.
So, hi, I’m Amber. And sometimes I binge eat.
I have portion disorder, I have to eat everything that I dish up, even though I’m full. Started as a kid, parents saying you can’t leave the table until your plate is clean, mean while they’re the ones that dished us up. So now I over dish and think I have to eat it all. But funny enough it’s only at supper time, breakfast and lunch are fine, I can stop before I’m full. I am getting better though.
I think this is awesome that you’re talking about this on your blog. I think a lot of people have problems with portion control (because we’re never really taught that), and while not maybe everyone binge eats you are definitely not alone! (And I agree with the throwing food in the trash thing – sometimes it’s the only way to get rid of it without eating it!)
When I was growing up my family made a big deal that you ate, and not only ate, but at seconds and thirds. I mean there was actual cheering. For some reason they thought my sister and I would develop an eating disorder if we didnt eat 6 slices of french toast or overstuff ourselves at dinner. And thats when the bad eating habits came in. My sister is just now starting to eat normal food (dont even ask) and I dance with binging.
Its terrible.
Great, honest post Amber. I am glad you feel like you have a healthier relationship with food now. I think more people are going to relate to this post when you think. I’d say I am pretty good at portion sizing in general… except for with certain things, certain times. For example (and I realize how random this is), I cannot buy Rice Chex cereal because I will just continue to go back to wherever I put it and get more and more. No, I probably will not get fat from too much Rice Chex (well I suppose enough times I would) but I start to feel sick after eating a whole box or so. I used to do this with Pringles too when I could eat them. It must be crunchy snack food or something, because you would not see me going back 10 times for pasta, which I love just as much. I think it has to do with eating it off a plate vs. out of a box, who knows. Point is, I definitely have my binge moments and so does everyone. Point is, you are working on it.
Hi Amber. I’m Amy. And sometimes I have the same problem. I love buffets- but they make me nervous if I don’t go in mentally prepared. I love baking- but don’t do it nearly as often as I’d like because I know how quickly I’ll eat the entire batch myself. I think there’s a lot of us like this- there’s just some invisible trigger that gets pulled. And I think that’s one of the reasons why we blog the way we do- because we love food and want to have a healthy relationship with it and are currently trying to work that out.
No worries- being a work in progress is still a big step! 
it takes a lot for you to be honest, and i think a lot of people resonate with that.
I don’t binge eat, i don’t think I ever have. but i do feel like that I could one day and I don’t let that happen. like i hate having junk food in my own house. It drives me nuts that he now works from home, so there’s all these snacks! AGHH! and i can’t resist them. fortunately i can have 1 or 2 and i’m fine. but i need to find him a spot where he can keep all his snacks and I don’t see them on a regular basis.
One thing that drives me nuts about some of the ladies i work with is they constantly talk about wanting to lose weight. I always tell them, you always eat your entire take out lunch! try splitting it in half! take out half and eat that. Save the rest for later. I’ve said, it’s not your last meal ever. That’s what i’ve had to teach myself over the years. if only i could get my dad to resonate with that concept! Leftovers is ok!
I know that sometimes I do binge eat because of stress or just because I want food even if I am full. It is a weird feeling and its hard to control. I try not to buy candy because that really is my downfall – I will just eat a whole bag if it sits there. I hate that sick feeling from eating too much – It just makes me feel worse.
Hi Amber. This entire post resonates with me. In fact, I did it just last night. And I completely know what you mean when you say that the more you eat and the more full you are the more you want. I don’t understand it. I never used to be like this, it’s something that has developed over the past few years and to be honest it terrifies me. I’m working on it though, and I’ve started to be able to pick up on when it’s going to happen before it happens and how to make it stop.
I love how honest you are Amber, this really resonates with me too. I definitely fall into this pattern when I’m stressed (hello, right now! lol) and it’s hard for me to understand why it even happens. La Midge wrote a really beautiful post about this a little while ago, and one of the quotes in it was “Being hungry isn’t like being in love. If you have to ask yourself if you’re hungry, you’re not” and it really made me laugh, and actually helped me to get my evening snacking cut way down. Thank you so much for sharing and good luck in working through all this <3
Wow Amber, that is a great post. I am like that with food at times. There are times I eat so fast I can’t tell that I’m full. I mindlessly eat from boredom and tiredness. It is a constant struggle for me. Every meal is a small challenge or small victory over my fight with food. I think I am getting stronger through my Weight Watchers meetings, but everyday is a new day.
I’m enjoying the direction your blog is going in. It is really refreshing and motivating to read about your workouts and eating/lifestyle changes.
I have to commend you hugely on your courage and honesty to write about this, and I know it’s one of those topics that people don’t like to talk about but a lot of people relate to. I don’t feel like I have THE healthiest relationship with food – I live by nutrition labels and refuse to finish a whole meal, and avoid eating even if I am hungry because I feel bloated and fat. I think this is probably a sign that there are some things I shouldn’t be eating and I’m on the verge of trying a new diet (I talked about yesterday) – food is such a tough one, and it seems like it’s an issue that way more women have problems with than men. It’s really great that you’re in a place where you feel you’re in a healthier space, and I appreciate your honesty in sharing this.
I think we all do this from time to time. There are things I purposely don’t buy because I know I can’t resist them as well. I used to be absolutely terrible about portion control. Once I switched to a much healthier lifestyle and lost lots of weight, I had a better idea on portions but I certainly still have times where it’s out of control. Especially when I think I’m famished after a hard workout!
Wonderful post! Thank you so much for sharing your story.
You are so not alone. And by the way, major props for posting about such an intimate topic. I can identify with everything in this post: the cravings, the over indulgance, the guilt, even the belly ache. I used to be a chewer/spitter. I would crave a taste (or 2nd helping), instantly feel guilty and spit it into a napkin. I didn’t do it a lot, but that’s really not the point. My husband caught me at it once and pointed out how abnormal it was and said it made him nervous. That’s when I realized I really needed to get a grip. I’m trying to make my peace with food but it’s a work in progress.
I think we all have some sort of unhealthy relationship with food… I think we just hopefully learn to adapt and acknowledge it and change our behavior. Like I know that I can’t have cheetos in the house becuase I will eat way too many in one sitting… And I know that at certain times of night, I am more susceptible to mindless eating, so I just try to keep busy with something so I don’t not over-consume.
Thanks for sharing, though! I am sure this will resonate with so many of your readers!! It’s tough to be so honest about your relationship with food so good for you for putting yourself out there, my dear!!
Yes, thank you for the honesty.
I struggle with exactly the same thing. And when I get going, there is no stopping me until I’m to the point where I want to throw up. It’s awful, makes me feel awful, and yet, it still occasionally happens.
I read a book, Intuitive Eating (Evelyn Tribole), that deals a lot with disordered eating habits and I am working on it constantly. The thing she said that resonated with me the most was that I have to train myself to actually believe the reality that if I am eating something delicious, there is no reason to eat until overstuffed because I can always have that dish again someday. Bethenny Frankel’s book sums it up a little better, “you can have everything, just not all at once”. So instead of eating three+ tacos per meal when I’m home in TX, I’ve cut it down to two because I’ll always be back and can have them again.
It’s a long journey and process and I’m nowhere near perfect. But I do want to get to the point where I can have food on the junkier side around and not eat the whole box
thanks for sharing such a deep post. sometimes i eat like that too and really wish that food wasnt my go to when i’m bored.
Hi Amber, I’m Emily and I also binge eat. I suck. I saw pictures of me from this last weekend and yuck. It is out of control. BUt what should motivate me just makes me want to cry and hide more.
My god Amber, I do this too sometimes. Seriously… you are not the only one! I especially used to have that kind of a relationship with food. I find it’s worse when i am by myself, because when Dyllon’s around I know he will say something like “You’re STILL hungry?! You just ate all that food!!”. Or some nights when i’m feeling crappy i “reward” myself by going to the grocery store and getting a bag of chips, some pizza pops and some gummies or something. And eat the whole bag of chips! Or McDonalds. Some people just can’t eat that “crappy” food and think it’s disgusting but I think it tastes great! Greasy food is yummy… but it makes you feel sick after. I can’t really understand why it is satisfying while eating it.
So it actually makes me feel better to read this post and know that i’m not alone and that yes, I do have a problem with food sometimes too. I’m so glad that we are both healthier now though, you’ve come so far!! Yay Amber!! I am learning a lot about portion sizes now too. It is so hard to know that limit of stopping when you are full. I am an emotional eater for sure!
Ps. We have to get together soon. bbm me!
I totally love this post, I can totally relate to everything that you described. The binge-eating, the eating-till-you’re-so-full-your-stomach-hurts-but-shoving-another-cookie-in-anyway, the picking-at-the-food-just-cos-it’s-there, the anger, the disgust at oneself for eating too much…. I used to eat to numb my feelings, esp when I was angry or stressed or lonely. I ate to make myself feel better, and when I loathed myself, I ate even more to punish myself, cos I hated myself for eating so much.
But thankfully these days, I’m much happier and I no longer eat crap. I read a book called Feeding The Hungry Heart by Geneen Roth and it was filled with stories by women who all ate compulsively. I was so heartened to know I wasn’t the only crazy compulsive eater around! And ever since I acknowledged that fact, that compulsive part of me just died a little. I still binge eat every now and then, but I no longer beat myself up so much for that. So hi, I’m Cassandra, and I binge eat sometimes too.
But it’s okay. Great post, Amber.
Hi Amber, thanks for posting this. You are definitely not alone, and I know I’m not either now! Its so comforting to read everyones comments and realize that I’m not actually the only person who can’t resist gorging themselves when something is good (or life is stressful). I usually do okay at home, but when I’m out to eat (where the portions could probably feed three people) I don’t know what comes over me. One trick I’ve found is to eat an appropriate amount, and then just go crazy with the salt and pepper until the rest of the dish is so over seasoned there is no way I’d want to eat it. I know its wasteful but sometimes thats a trade off I’m willing to make for my health.
just know: you’re not alone. xo
You are SO not alone. I feel nervous around free food: cake, pizza, etc. I also feel incredibly guilty when I realize that I just polished off a bag of Doritos and not know it. It takes an amazing amount of will power to control your eating without it becoming a full-fledged eating disorder.
What an amazing post
I think we can all fall victim to binging. Usually it happens to me when I eat out at restaurants. Everything is so good I want to eat it all.
Um, hello, you are talking to the QUEEN of binge eating. Even when I’m not hungry, I binge eat. I can usually control myself most days but I just go CRAZY on my designated cheat night. I force myself to eat too much because it’s the only time I’ll get to eat it, right?
We talk about this SO MUCH in Weight Watchers because for the most part, people get overweight because they do eat too much. In the meeting room, there’s a poster of what they call the “Hunger Scale” with 1 being starving and 5 being so full (like Thanksgiving Day full). You want to aim to about a 3 but getting to the point of knowing when you’re a 3 and not eating too much or too little takes a lot of time. I mean, I KNOW when I’m good and satisfied, but I’ll keep eating like this is the ONLY time I’ll EVER see this food.
Believe me, you’re not alone.
The good thing is that you recognize your old habit and realize that you don’t want to repeat it, even though it may come up now and then. I always enjoy parties, but big buffet tables full of good eats also make me a bit nervous bc I’m not the type to just fill up a plate once and be done. I go back again and again to pick at little things. I try to remind myself not to have anything to eat within two hours of bed time AND that if I do eat a lot late at night it’s just going to stick with me and make my sleep more difficult. When I remind myself those little things, I often end up having just a few bites of ice cream or whatever I’m craving rather than a whole bowl.
Sometimes I’m the same way. I just get in a mood where I want to eat, whether or not I’m actually hungry. There’s actually a certain time of the month where this is most prevalent for me. Have you ever tracked it to see if you’re doing the extra eating during the same time or how you’re feeling right before you start eating? It may help point to what’s causing it. I know I’m more prone to eat more than necessary when my hormones fluctuate.
Great post – thanks for your honesty!!! I have a history of anorexia but it was also coupled with binge eating. (Starve starve starve starve, then EAT!) Feeling overfull is a pretty common trigger for binge eating and was/is for me too once in a while – somehow the eating builds momentum and then the eater gets scared to stop because once he/she stops, the bad feelings (guilt, shame, self-loathing) start, and it’s a really dark place. There’s also a sense of “get it while you can!”, because the eater often makes a promise to undereat the next day, so it actually prolongs the binge (and the awful TOO FULL feelings). Now I try to tell myself that I’m eating “normal amounts” the next day no matter what…this really helps me to put the brakes on.
Reading Geneen Roth’s older books helped me (her new one isn’t that great) as did systematically desensitizing myself to my trigger foods. (e.g. buying 10 bags of chips and replenishing the stock if I ate some, to gradually learn that more food will always be there in quantities that I can’t consume in one sitting if I tried. This eventually helped me to eat 1 or 2 servings of it or just get sick of it!) When I think of where I was 7 or 8 years ago, I am SO MUCH happier in my “food life” and in life in general – yay!
Eating issues are heart issues and may be spiritual as well. Talking to God about it, asking Him for help and trying to realize that he didn’t judge me for my actions was part of the process. After all, praying with a chocolate bar in hand is still praying…and eventually I could do it without the chocolate bar (and without starving too). :0)
This is such a hot topic for women in our society today…thanks again for posting about it!
You’re not alone here, Amber. I do this sometimes too.
I try not to bake if I’m living alone because there is too much temptation for me to eat, even if i’m not hungry.
Since living with my parents I feel like I *have* to eat dinner with them, even if I’m not hungry and then sometimes i find myself going for seconds when they do, even if I’m not hungry. Maybe mine is more of a peer pressure binge eating thing, I’m not sure. But it happens. And when I live alone? I will eat junk food instead of a regular dinner, not realizing when I’m full, and grazing all night long. Like you I can acknowledge it so that’s good, but it’s still tough to overcome.
Also, thanks for putting this out there; I know it’s not easy to talk about things like this.
My parents have really bad eating habits, they are both big (though, my father has lost a lot of weight over the past few years-much healthier size). It hasn’t been until the last few years that I’ve really started paying attention to my eating habits. Truthfully they aren’t quite as bad as they could be, but they could be a lot better. It’s just hard changing behaviors that you don’t even notice!
I go through periods where I binge eat and gain weight, then periods like now where I can eat what I need and stop when I am full. I am not sure why the back and forth… you should share some of your tips that help you now!
Hey Amber! I haven’t checked up with you in forever, since I stopped writing my blog.
This totally resonates with me. I have issues with going to food extremes- either not eating at all or just sitting down and devouring EVERYTHING in sight until I feel awful. I’m working on it, and I’ve gotten much better. But it still happens. I figure we’re all human, no one can expect to eat perfectly 100% of the time.
A couple things I’ve found that help: packing up leftovers immediately and putting them in the fridge- cold leftovers lose their appeal. Avoiding alcohol when I’m around appetizers- I turn into a garbage disposal when I drink. And eating on smaller serving dishes, especially for trigger foods like ice cream. Then, like you, I just avoid buying/making desserts in large amounts, unless I have someone to take the leftovers too. When I make brownies or cookies I try to give myself a couple, then box up the rest to take to work for my coworkers.
Thanks for sharing this with us. There are a lot of people who struggle with this, and it is definitely an important topic to discuss.
Great post.
Thanks for this post. I can relate to most of the things that you discussed here. I too find myself binging and I am not always sure why. Sometimes its stress but sometimes its just because I want to eat a lot of food. I can’ really pinpoint a deeper reason then that although I am sure that there is one. It tough because it leads to frustration (on top of stomach aches, weight gain, bloating and digestive upset) so I hope to one day understand it better so I can eliminate the urge to do it once and for all.
Hi Amber, I’m Jaime. I’m an overeater/binge eater.
I’ve been doing this for years. Many a Saturday nite do I lay down because I’m so nauseous because I ate an entire pizza. Yes, an entire large delivery pizza. There were times when I was close to dry heaving. More so now, because I just can’t eat as much as I used to despite the fact that it just tastes oh so good. It’s really about portion control for me. There can’t be more to eat anywhere near me or I often go back for more. I order food now and try to get it wrapped up before I even begin to eat. I hate parties at people’s houses where there is never-ending buffet-style food. I avoid those situations.
It’s very difficult for me to explain how uncomfortable I am in eating situations. I usually need to plan ahead to make sure I don’t overeat. I gained 50 pounds this way. Twice.
When you talk about going back for more even though you are super full is something that happens to me too. For me, I think there comes a point when I am full that I stop caring and that I start punishing myself immediately. I don’t know why. “I feel fat. I feel disgusting. I feel ashamed. I feel angry at myself.” That is how I feel too. That’s usually when I eat another serving because I feel like at that point who cares, right? All is lost.
I don’t know where this came from…I don’t usually share this much about myself…I specifically don’t talk about food on my blog much because overall, I don’t really make great decisions. Most of the time I do, but I’m ashamed by the other 10% of the time.
OK so now I’m binge-commenting. Sorry!
xo
I can relate to ALL THOSE THINGS.
BF doesn’t exactly help. A pack of Toffee Pops or a carton of ice cream or a cheesecake won’t last more than a couple of days at home. When it comes to treats, sometimes he has no sense of portion control.
Also, I eat really fast, which doesn’t help with digestion or knowing when I’m full. Especially on days when I get home starving and exhausted, and by the time I cook, I just want to inhale my food rather than endure the process of chewing and swallowing….
I’m trying to slow down and savour my food more. And I’m also getting a lot more discerning about food, so when there’s platters at work, I’ll only eat food that looks really good, not sample everything because it’s there.
Holy shit I might have to do one similar to this because I am a HUGE binge eater. You really captured how it feels before, during and after and the emotions that change during that process. Such a good inspiration to come out of the closet myself.
I’m with you … I don’t fill my house with (bad) foods I like, because I’m more likely to finish them in one or two sittings than over a week or two. Enter Sweets into the picture and everything changed. He likes bad foods and I can’t make him not eat them. So, we have more bad food in our house now and I’ve spent years trying to learn control. It’s really no fun. Sigh.
You are so super brave for sharing this
Everyone needs some inspiration!!
This post completely resonates with ME! That’s exactly what I do! Its like as long as I’ve already ate TOO much, what will it hurt to eat another brownie? And after that a few more cookies… and then maybe some salad, cause that will be my vegetables, Right? Ahhh I wish I understood why I do this too! I don’t feel like I’m an emotional eater.. I’m more of an emotional caffeine drinker. haha. Ohhh man!
I can really relate to this. I always get full quickly when I eat, so I don’t necessary binge eat at one sitting, but it leads to me snacking WAY too much in between meals. I’ll eat a meal, get full, and be SO hungry about an hour later. And one reason I don’t bake too often is because what you said about the chocolate chip cookies is EXACTLY what I do!
What a powerful post! I used to have a major problem with binge eating, and its gotten better, but it still happens. I rarely bake because if I start eating cookies or cake, I won’t stop. I think its a lot more common than we realize. We’ve been raised in a world that makes us feel guilty for not cleaning our plates. The “starving children in Africa” line comes to mind. I can’t even count how many times I’ve heard that one.
I am typing this comment with a stomachache sooo I know exactly what you are talking about. One thing I have learned as of late is that I don’t need a lot of food to be full! It was soo interesting to see that I did not need to eat the 3rd serving. And I know days like today will happen, but it’s not something that needs to happen everyday
Thanks for this awesome and raw post!
Thanks for sharing Amber. I definitely can understand not keeping certain things in the house and eating to discomfort. Good for you for being brave enough to talk about this very personal struggle.
I’m so quilty of the same thing with cookie dough. :-X I need to work on NOT bringing home bad food because obviously I don’t have it in control!
I’m so glad you wrote this post. This is me, completely. I do the same things and wake up the next morning with my ribs hurting from eating too much the previous night. I’m trying to have a healthier relationship with food as well but it seems to not be working yet… hopefully soon.
I am just now (within the past 6 mo or so) doing better with this. Took a huge mental shift from food as comfort to food as fuel
Being an American, I have an issue with portions. (Not dissing Americans–just saying that Americans tend to overeat, whereas people in other countries know when to stop.) I’ve realized lately that it doesn’t matter HOW MUCH I eat; what matters is WHAT I eat. If a eat a whole lot of empty calories and unhealthy foods, I won’t be getting much. When I eat healthy sugars, calories, fats, etc… I feel much more satisfied (even when eating smaller portions).
I also read in Whole Living magazing (I think) that it takes the brain 20 minutes to realize it’s full. So, I eat at a slower pace, and I eat smaller portions. I give my brain time to realize when my stomach is full.
When I grocery shop, I tend to not go down the junk food isles AT ALL. If I go down one, I’ll buy something (oreos, for instance), but if I stay away from is, I’m not tempted. I spend A LOT of my time in the produce so that I’ll buy things that are healthy & fresh rather than processed and in a box.
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Have been away from the blog world the past couple of months and am just catching up with you and I have to say you could be writing about me! I keep no crackers/cookies/chip type snacks in my house because I WILL eat the entire thing! Thanks for sharing. It’s nice to know we’re not alone!
I know this is an old post but I relate so much to it. Especially the part about wanting to eat more after you’re past full. I hope it’s something I can overcome soon, and I know this post will help me. Thank you!
Hey there-
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Hope to hear from you soon,
Rebecca
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