On one hand, I think setting expectations for yourself is a great thing. If I didn’t have high expectations for myself I wouldn’t have just finished university, I wouldn’t be training for a marathon etc.
However, I think that setting expectations for someone else, is a bad idea.
When we first moved to Kamloops 23 months ago, I had all these expectations of what our life would be like. Eric was going to find a great job right away and I was going to go to school and we were going to meet tons of new people and have lots of friends and life was going to be just perfect.
When none of these expectations were met I found myself spiraling into this really unhappy place. Not only had I just moved 1,000 km away from everything I’d ever known, I’d also set all these ridiculously high expectations for our new life and not a single one of them happened. Not one.
So this time, I’m not setting any expectations.
I’m trying really, really hard to avoid the daydreams of Eric finding the perfect job RIGHT AWAY and everything being just perfect.
Because I know it won’t work that way.
Instead, I am focusing really hard on how unbelievably excited I am to see Eric on Sunday night. How I can’t wait to spend all day Monday hanging out and doing some of our favourite things like playing tennis or going to the movie.
When I start to get anxiety-inducing thoughts of it being November and him still not having a job, or us running out of money, or us fighting all the time because he isn’t job-searching hard enough I acknowledge the thoughts, and then I push them away. I remind myself that I am not setting expectations and I will cross those bridges when/if I come to them.
So, here’s to NOT setting expectations. Here’s to pushing my type-A personality away and going-with-the-flow. Here’s to my love coming back after being long-distance for 11 months.
We made it through that, we can make it through this.
I’m actually getting teary-eyed writing this so I’m going to leave you with this:
The next time you hear from me, Eric will be here too! And that? Is perfect.
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YAY!!!!!!!!! I think this is a great attitude, and you’re right you two will make it through this! So excited you’ll be in the same place again! Have a GREAT weekend!
Aw great post! I totally know what you mean. I’ve been trying to get rid of my type A- need to plan everything- personality and just live in the moment and enjoy today/life. You and Eric are going to get through whatever life throws your way. It may not be easy but if it were all easy that would be boring!
I like that you said this. Because I agree completely. I was recently told I assume too much. (which leads to me expecting the worst) So it’s something you can say I’m working on.
I think not setting expectations (and knowing what happened last time) is going to make this time very very different.You were fully planning to live in your apartment by yourself, so you are going to be able to afford it whether he has a job or not. Also this time you are going to have the benefit of living apart for the past 11 months and you’ll know even if things are not perfect, it’s better than that. I am so excited Eric is back to living with you
Have a fun weekend together!
Awwww, I’m so happy for you! Have a great weekend!
I am so happy that Eric is coming to live with you again
You have a great attitude! You guys have done this before and you never know, this time could be different 
Setting expectations can be tough. You can set them in some situations and it makes you push for bigger and better things. In some situations, it can make or have the potential to break you.
Good luck and think positively
YAY for Eric being almost home!! I am so with you on this – I’m guilty of setting expectations too high as well, and it always leads to sadness and disappointment. It’s good to set expectations for yourself because you’re the only one who can control whether or not they’re met, but once you start setting expectations for surroundings you can’t control so easily, it definitely opens up the risk for disappointment. Great attitude to have
I’m so glad you two are going to be re-united. On the days when you are struggling w/ his job search, etc, maybe pull up your old blog posts where you write about how lonely you are or how much you miss Eric. That might help you put things in perspective on those tough days?
I think it’s best to not set really high expectations for another person. Or for a situation that it sort of out of your control (like Eric finding a job). Us women have a tendency to sort of nag and that is so unattractive and unhealthy in a relationship. I have been guilty of it in the past but now that I am aware of it, I think I will be better at avoiding that in a relationship.
Stay positive! Enjoy your time w/ Eric!!!
Well this is a totally adorable post; especially the last few lines. I’m sure that you two will be able to make it through whatever comes your way next. You have a strong bond, tons of experience and positive outlooks on life, so I have faith that all will work as it is supposed to!
So excited for you!
YAY!!! So glad you are about to reunited!
I’m so excited for you
I’m SO excited for you and Eric to be reunited (again)! And here-here to pushing expectations aside! It’s all too easy to have high expectations and then be let down. I do it all too often.
That’s so wise of you! I’m excited for Eric to come back – Yay!
I’m really thrilled for you Amber
I guess my philosphy is something along the lines of: hope for the best, plan for the worst.
Yay for being reunited!
Ohhhhh I am so excited for you both!!! I love your attitude … sometimes when we aren’t expecting an exact “something” we are actually blown away with how things turn out!!
Yay, I love … love.
Congrats on being reunited. Enjoy.
I’m totally with you on that one… I’ve learnt to do the same thing. However, I find that setting SOME expectations is necessary. Not too many, and not too high, but I find it makes life brighter
three cheers to you! a great lesson learned. it is so easy to set high expectations and so easy to get disappointed when things don’t go your way. sometimes it is better to just go with the flow, take it one day at a time and have faith that things will work out… and if they don’t, you’ll deal with it then
for now, enjoy the time with your love!
Hi
(I still think I’m young though, at the age of 29! Don’t want to give you the impression I’m an old Granny giving you advice.)
I was introduced to your blog by seeing you write on Lisa’s page—and I just love many of your posts! This one especially struck a chord with me—because in my younger years, I was very much like you
I think you are absolutely right—expectations are a great thing for ourselves—but when we place them on other people–we tend to get let down AND we also tend to hurt them if they don’t meet the expectations we set for them. Nobody likes to disappoint another person. Heck–I don’t even like disappointing myself!
As difficult as it may be for you to “let go” of your type A-personality traits—– just do it! I know that it might be really hard to just “go with the flow”—but I think in the long run, you will be glad you did
We’ve only got one life to live—so I say you should spend it living in the “moment”–and not worrying about what COULD possibly happen in the future. This doesn’t mean I don’t think a person should have goals or strive to meet them—I just think that we make our lives all about meeting “deadlines”—we end up missing out on some of the coolest moments in the present!
I’m looking forward to reading more of your blog and seeing what great things are in store for you each day!
YAY! I’m so happy for you guys. Can’t wait to hear more! Sometimes, having no expectations is okay but don’t let that always be the case, let yourself have them sometimes when it’s right.
I know it can be realllly hard not to set expectations for other people when you’re so used to setting them high for yourself. I have that problem allll the time. But I think you’re handling it in such an awesome way and you are going to have so much fun when Eric is finally there!
so excited and happy for you!!
I am glad that you all are reunited. I’ve never been on to set expectations. I don’t like being disappointed when they dont work out and am surprised when good things do happen.