I’ve been putting off telling you guys more about what’s going on with Eric moving back because I didn’t really know what was going on. Everything was so up-in-the-air for awhile there and dates were really fuzzy.
But, yesterday morning, Eric gave his notice at work for the beginning of August (with the promise that if they needed him he would stay longer – so dates are still a bit fuzzy). As in, he’s moving back down here and in with me and Webster at the beginning-ish of August.
Does he have a job here?
No.
No matter how excited, anxious and ready I am for him to be back. The no job thing bothers me. I mean, we made that mistake once already. Why are we doing it again?
At the same time, so many factors are different this time around. Since Eric has plans of returning to school and making a career change next Fall, he’s not as picky about the type of job he gets. We know that finding a job is going to take a heck-of-a lot-longer than 1-2 weeks and we’re preparing for it financially. Since we had no intentions of him moving back this soon the rent on the place we live + all the bills is an amount that I can easily cover on just my income.
So the circumstances have definitely shifted from when we were two naive, young people moving 1,000 km away from home and expecting everything to fall into place for us.
But I’m still nervous.
The making-the-same-mistake-twice thing is still nagging at the back of my mind. The 2.5 months that Eric was unemployed when we first moved to Kamloops were 2.5 of the hardest months we’ve ever had in our relationship. Ever.
Why doesn’t he just stay up there and not move down until he finds a job?
It’s really, really, REALLY hard to find a job in an already competitive job market when you are living so far away. Even though he puts my (our) address on his resume – it’s hard to really put a lot of energy into the job search without being here. I mean, there’s only so much you can do from that distance. You can’t go into a company in person, you can’t visit employment offices, you can’t put your full energy into the job search because you’re busy working 50+ hour weeks as it is.
It was just too hard, and we both got tired of waiting. After 5.5 years of being together – with 3.5 of those years being a long-distance relationship, we are sick and tired of waiting. We are ready to permanently live together.
So he’s moving back at some point in August and will be searching for some type of full-time employment, hopefully in a field where he has experience. And, hopefully, it won’t be as stressful or hard on our relationship as the last time because even though we’re making the same mistake again, at least we learned from the first time. And that’s what’s most important, right?!
Anybody else ever have to deal with unemployment – either for yourself or a spouse? How do you deal with that?
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I’m sure you already know just how hard it is for T and I! We certainly weren’t planning on being a one income household (and wouldn’t have been able to afford it initially. Luckily, a bunch of things came together just in time).
I wish you guys the best of luck!
Earlier in our relationship the now hubby and I dealt with an unemployment issue – he didn’t have a job and for a period of time I worked a 2 – FT + PT. Sometimes it was hard not to feel resentful. Obviously we managed to get past that and now we’re both lucky to have decent jobs.
You must be excited for Eric to move back with you. I hope he manages to find a job ASAP! And, if it does take him a bit of time, you said it yourself you moved into a place that you could afford on your salary alone, so the only difference would be food and maybe the power bill going up a bit.
Good luck!
OMG I am going through the same struggles right now, only I play Eric in my story.
My bf is moving to Kentucky (unless we are told otherwise) August 1 for school. I cannot find a job up there. I am stuck with a decision to make. Stay here and do MORE time apart or go and hope for the best. And I just cant bring myself to just going. He will be getting money from the military, but only enough to cover rent. I still have a car payment and we need food to eat. He might get money from the student loans for living, but Im not sure if it will be able to cover our expenses. So everyday I ask myself what to do. And everyday myself says “I dont know.” grrr
I was thinking about dedicating a post to this very topic, but its still pretty secret to people so I cant. I am curious what other people have done.
Since I’ve been living with my so, I’ve gone through 2 stretches of unemployment. Both times I went on welfare, because a) I like “earning” my own money and b) We could make it on his salary if we were super, super careful, but realistically it wouldn’t happen and we like paying our bills
First time was unvoluntary, and the second time (right now) its by necessecity & choice – I’m going for major surgery next week (with a recommended recovery time of 4 weeks) and then returning to school in the fall so I’m pretty unhirable right now (I finished college in April, so wasn’t working to begin with).
It’s super, super boring being at home all day long & cleaning the same 700sq.ft over and over. And then my sleeping schedule gets all wonked – for the last 3 days I’ve gone to bed around 8am. Yeppers. I can’t wait for fall.
Thats very exciting! I can totally understand your nervousness, I went through the same thing with a previous boyfriend. I think you are right that its harder to find a job at a distance and he will have more time and resources if he actually lives there. Best of luck to him!
I am really excited for you guys. It will be great to be re-united. Plus, you already know you can afford your place on your own, so you can make it work. I hopep that Eric finds something fast as I know that will be a huge relief for both of you.
As you know, I wasn’t working for 3 weeks between The Psych Experiment and The Chariot. I pretty much knew the Chariot job was a sure thing, but it was a pretty stressful situation as you probably recall. But it all worked out, luckily, and I am happier than I have been in such a long time, so the stress of the job change was more than worth it.
Good luck to Eric! So excited for you two!
While he doesn’t have a job lined up yet, you have to be so excited that Eric will be moving back in with you. My boyfriend didn’t have a full-time job for about 10 months after he graduated from college. He had a part-time job, but it wasn’t much and things were stressful. The good thing is that we made it through the trying times, and we’re still together. It’s nice that he has the full-time job now since I’ll be leaving my job in a month to go back to school full-time.
I moved without a job. And I tried to not freak out, but there were definitely some sleepless nights! I think it seriously helps alot to be living where you’re applying- I had looked for 4-5 months with no luck while I was still in Missouri and looking in Chicago. Once I got here, it became so much easier!
I wish you both lots of luck!
It can be hard and a test of patience, but I’m sure you can do it!
I’m glad that you and Eric will be together again! Making decisions like these are never easy, but it really sounds like you’re planning for them and being as prepared as you can be for whatever might come up.
I’m glad to hear that you guys will get to be together again and it does sound like you’re taking precautions to make sure you’re not making the same mistake twice. Financially you’ll be able to keep things going for a while so Eric can job search full time. Hopefully once he’s there and at it for a little bit things will fall into place!
Hope things go well! When hubby and I first decided to move in together, I started searching for jobs in the town where he was and where I was going to move to. It was hard to do from further away and I was applying for practically anything. Then, we decided to just do it. I went into work one morning and said I’m moving and told them I was either putting in my notice or would continue working for them if I could do so remotely. Fortunately, the latter worked for the position I have so it worked out for us. Hope it goes well for you guys!
this is the second time around you guys are doing it, and you guys are more mentally prepared for it now. so you’ll get through it.
for us on the other hand — he just got laid off on friday. and my income alone cannot support us. and we own a condo. so this is going to be such a trying time for us especially since we’re already living frugally, there’s not that much we can cut down on.
Ohhhhhhh Amber. Do I EVER know what this feels like. Last spring both the Hubster and I finished university and absolutely nothing could have prepared me for the “real” world. I’m a teacher and he is in IT, so based on what I know about the surplus of teachers in Ontario I knew he’d find a job first. That didn’t mean I wasn’t looking, but realistically I knew he’d have better luck. He was able to find work in another city, so we packed up and moved and I began my job hunt as he began work.
I was unemployed for four months. I had five or six interviews for jobs not even in my field, but nothing came to fruition. Unemployment is so stressful… for the first while we bickered–I wasn’t trying hard enough, he wasn’t being supportive enough… blah blah until we realized that those attitudes did nothing but make us unhappy and push us apart. I finally was able to land a part-time job in a little grocery store where I worked for eight months before I secured my first “real” job in my career as an occasional teacher. It took 78 applications and a year of waiting, but it finally happened.
Along the way we learned that life isn’t always easy and doesn’t work out the way we plan. We accepted that he would have to support us until I could get my foot in the door, and it really made us stronger and need to draw closer together to work things out. We stopped pointing fingers and instead tried to be encouraging and help each other out where we could, and rather than taking an “It’s about time!” stance when I finally began teaching, he was as excited as I was.
I know it sucks and will be hard, but hopefully he’ll be lucky and find something quickly. You guys seem to have a strong foundation / relationship so I know you’ll get through whatever lies ahead.
I haven’t worked the last two summers. Last summer was more tight because of the pay cut I had taken so that I could have a 3 hour a day teaching job, so our savings didn’t have loads of extra cash. This summer I made plenty of money and we saved it. I have no idea what I am doing after the summer but we have talked about me eithergoing back to school or changing fields if that is what I want to do, but I am sticking out the summer to still apply to my field. But basically, we save oodles of money and only buy things we can afford. The only thing that goes on our credit card is gas and is paid at the end of each month.
Ahh that’s so exciting for you that Eric is moving back to Kamloops. Fingers crossed that a job comes easier to him this time!
I don’t think it has to be a “mistake” the second time round – as someone else said you’ve already gone through it once, so you’re better prepared this time around – and HOW amazing you get to be reunited!! I’ll keep Eric in my prayers that he’ll find something soon
No, doubt it will be a challenging time but you two will fall on your feet.
Okay first off YAY that you and Eric will permanently be living together!!! That’s so exciting and like you said you two are in a place where you’re ready to be done with long-distance.
I agree with some of the previous commenters – you’re more prepared this time around so hopefully it won’t be as bad. That being said the mister and I dealt with this from end of November last year until April of this year, and with his seasonal position ending we’re about to deal with it again (hopefully not for too long)! But like you two we feel like we’ve been through this so we know a couple of things this time around.
I’ve found that talking each day about the status of job stuff really helps. Like each evening the mister and I would talk about what he applied to that day and if he had any leads. That way it’s not dragged throughout the whole day and it’s not a (huge) source for arguments.
I think it is best that he is moving to where you are, whether he has a job yet or not. You are definitely making the right decision.
I never had to deal with unemployment per se, but I did work as a substitute teacher for about 3 years, and that is very iffy. You never know when you are going to work, or if you will get work that day, week, etc.. It can be very unpredictable.
I moved to California for undergrad and hated it, so I moved home after the first year. Then when I decided to come back down here for grad school, I thought that maybe I was just making the same mistake twice, but it’s been totally different and exactly what I needed. I bet it will be different this time, even if it’s still a struggle. You’re prepared for it.
My husband is unemployed. I make enough money to pay our bills, but it’s still hard sometimes. Luckily, he works odd jobs here and there to make some extra cash, but I look forward to when he can work at least part time! Right now, with the economy, it is so hard to find a job.
I don’t think you’re making a mistake. Like everyone has said, you’re much more prepared this time!
I am happy you get to be together! And I am pretty optimistic about these things… I bet something will work out!
My husband has been unempolyed for over a year. I can definitely agree on how hard this time is! We have cut back on things big time.
That is so exciting! I’m glad however that you know you can cover the bills since you have a smaller place now. And I think this time, you’ve both learned from before and you are committed to making it work. He will find a job that will help pay the bills and you guys will both be happier because you’re in it together. When things are tough for the manfriend, sometimes I have to remind him that “Don’t forget, we’re a team. We’re in this together forever and it will get better.”
Plus, it seems almost like a rite of passage for young couples to have money/job struggles, especially in the current economy. So exciting you’ll now be together!
I’m excited for you and Eric being able to be together again, but I can understand your stresses over him not being able to find work here. It’s HARD right now, harder than any other area in B.C., I think. But it’s harder being in a long distance relationship too, so in the end it will be worth it.
I personally have never had a battle with unemployment, but there’s been times where Kyle has been laid off of work for longer-than-desired periods of time where it has made things extremely stressful. It’s even more of a worry now since we’re looking at buying a house. I suppose stress is just a part of growing up!
It sounds like you’re going into this with your eyes wide open which is really all you can do! I’m sure it will work out just fine for you guys, but here’s to hoping “just fine” comes really really quick!
sending good luck wishes to both of you!!!!! i’m sure everything will be great!
I think that the fact that you’ve lived through it once, and you’ve learned from the experience, means that this time doesn’t have to be a mistake. It’s an informed decision that wasn’t made lightly. I’m happy for you guys
I think you made a mistake the first time, yes. But it doesn’t mean you’re making a mistake this time around. I firmly believe you two have learned from your mistake and have become a stronger couple and stronger individuals because of it. Eventually, he’ll find a job but until then, you know what you have to do to keep things running smoothly. You have a steady job that will pay the bills so I would just focus more on the present & future, than the past.
And…
I’M SO EXCITED HE’S MOVING BACK!!!!!!!!!
I’m excited for you that Eric will be moving back so soon– and permanently! but I get being nervous, too. But for all the reasons you stated in your post, I think this time will for sure be different. you are better prepared financially and emotionally and you have a better idea of what to expect. so while it is natural to worry, try not to stress too much
as for the unemployment thing, I’ve had much experience! my dad is currently unemployed and has been for a year. and this is after he was unemployed for four years– much of the time I was in college! and the boy is currently unemployed too. It can be super hard to find a job in these economic times and even more difficult to get motivated to find a job when you feel like the odds are already stacked against you. but it is possible so hopefully Eric won’t let the tough job search get him down.
all I can say is, good luck! and I have a good feeling it will all work out
I’m really rooting for you guys and hopefully Eric is able to find a job soon! I’m sure it will have its way of working out, but hopefully its sooner rather than later!
Nice work you guys! Choosing your relationship over $$ is a wise decision and will stand you in good stead. It’s putting “first things first”. I hope Eric is able to find something soon! Hey, I’ll pray about that.
My husband was out of work about a year ago for 2 months, then got hired at a company that laid him off after only 9 months. The first time he was unemployed, it was really hard on us. We had some tiffs. (And we hardly ever fight.) I really tried to be supportive but there’s that “I’m carrying both of us” feeling and sometimes it came out in my words or actions towards him. I had to pray about it and remember that it’s especially hard for a guy to be out of work and realize that he was REALLY trying! He totally was! It was just hard to feel so out of control of the situation.
This last time he was unemployed it only lasted for 6 weeks, thank GOD, and it was much less difficult. When he got laid off I tried to think of how I wanted to remember the way I acted while he was unemployed. I didn’t forget that we were provided for before so I was able to relax a bit more. But still, I sent up some tearful prayers at times, even though we had plenty of savings.
It’s just a hard thing to go through, but at least you guys can do it together! :0) Back to running the dishwasher every day, hey?
What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. I think that saying holds true for relationships, too. The thing is, we all make choices. And you should be reveling in the idea that Eric will be living with you instead of hours away … don’t get too wrapped up in the whole job thing … things will fall into place.
I know firsthand from my family how stressful this can be, but rejoice in the fact that it IS the right decision for you guys and although there will be challenges, you guys will make it through stronger than ever and something will work itself out. Go for it. xo
I understand exactly what you’re talking about. I feel like you were kinda talking about MY life for a minute!
My boyfriend and I ended up moving in together (probably too soon) and he ended up being out of work right when we got our place. It makes everything that’s already hard 10,000 times harder. Good luck! It seems like you guys are prepared this time around! 
Yay! I’m so excited for you guys! It won’t be “making the same mistake twice” — You two will totally make it work. You guys learned a lot from the previous experience which made you stronger. Plus, it’s a different situation this time around because (I think?) you’re living in a smaller place this time around so there will be less bills and this time you’ll just be working as opposed to working and going to school. Can’t wait until he comes home to you!