It’s harder this time
After sailing through – no, not just sailing through, actually excelling at it - being in a long-distance relationship for six months last year. I really didn’t think Eric moving away again two weeks ago would be a big deal.
I’m still busy. I work and do freelance on the side, I blog, I’m training for a marathon. I have a fairly active social life, spending time with friends 3-4 nights out of the week. I thought I’d be fine.
I’m not.
He’s not either.
Something is different. It’s harder this time. I get lonely more often. I don’t just get lonely, I get lonely for him. I’ll be sitting at home in the evening, going about my business and being perfectly fine and all of a sudden I’ll be overcome by an overwhelming feeling of sadness and loneliness.
It’s almost that same feeling like when you’re going through a break-up, ya know? It comes out of nowhere and knocks the wind out of you right when you’re least expecting it. Like when I find a dirty sock of his under the bed when bending over to pick up the laundry I dropped.
The indefinite thing; it doesn’t help. Last time we knew, six months, six months, six months. That’s what we kept telling ourselves. This time? No idea. Whatsoever. It’s indefinite. And that’s the hardest part.
Maybe it’s because we spent three weeks straight together and we’re both more attached? Maybe it’s because my life, while still busy, isn’t nearly as busy as it was the last time he left? I don’t know.
All I know is that it’s harder this time. Much harder. And I kind of hate it.
So that’s why I’m here to tell you that Eric is actively searching for a job in Kamloops at the moment. And, hopefully, by the end of 2010 we will finally, after nearly 6 years, be in a place where we can live together permanently. He will likely be going back to school full-time in September 2011, here in Kamloops. But we don’t want to wait that long. So for now, we’re both on the look-out for some kind of job – any kind of job really – so that he can move back here.
We’re hopeful.
Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer on a Friday. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. XO
Oh man, I didn’t realise this was so up in the air. was it in kamloops that he had such a tough time finding work last time?
I am so glad to hear he is looking for work where you are. I know exactly what you are going through. I spent the first 4 years of my relationship apart and if things do not go according to how I want them, another 3 apart. I know that feeling too well that you get. Too too well
Aw, that sounds like a wonderful plan! After living with Mister for 4+ years just being away from him for a weekend is really excruciating- I know exactly what you mean by that feeling, but I can’t imagine it being so open ended. I know you guys will figure it out (hopefully asap!) and you’re in my thoughts
Oh lady, I’m sorry you’re feeling down.
But I’m sure everything will fall into place (although it may take some time…).
Happy Friday! And have a wonderful weekend!
It’s kind of like when you eat that piece of cake (or insert favorite desert here) for the first time in a while. You weren’t really craving it, but then once you got a taste of what you had been missing, you suddenly want to eat the entire cake (and trust me, I do).
I can completely relate to this. It’s easier when it’s been a while and there is a routine and you just come to know and accept it. But it’s hard after you have spent so much time together (especially traveling!) and then you have to be apart again.
I’m sorry you’ve been feeling like this!! I hope he finds a job and things look up! In the mean time, there’s skype – and us : )
Awwww, this must be so incredibly difficult. I’ll keep you both in my prayers and hope that things fall into place really soon <3
I’m so sorry, Amber. I know how hard it must be for you. This post made me ache. I hope you feel better. I’m sending you major e-hugs.
I will have my fingers crossed that he finds a job!! Hang in there love, I know it’s hard! Here’s hoping you can be together permanently by the end of the summer!!!!
In fact I don’t think this is Debbie Downer at all, I think it’s great news! Well not that you have been sad, but that you guys are going to really try to fix it! I agree that 2011 is way to long to wait so I’ll be hoping for you guys!
aww, Amber. I got all teary-eyed reading this.
LDR’s are really tough and I really do think that you and Eric have handled it with grace so far! I know the feeling of longing and loneliness, feeling empty and etc. I’m so sorry
I jumped with joy when you said he was looking for a job in your area! That would be so fantastic for both of you. Will keep fingers and toes crossed for you both.
Always here if you need to talk, day or night.
xoxo
Long distance relationships are not easy….they suck big time! My fingers and toes are crossed for you and Eric that he is able to find work in Kamloops and that you can finally be together.
My first love was in the Marines and yes, the indefinte thing sucks in a huge way. We dated for three years and I remember those sporatic visits in between deployments like little dots of light amid endless letters, dreams and wishes. Just remember, this is the worst part. It’s like mile 3 of a half marathon. The point when you start to get a littled scared that there’s so much farther to go – but you make it to the finish line eventually and in the end it’s totally worth the pain and effort to keep going. I’ll be crossing my fingers for you and Eric!
Oh I am sorry it’s so much harder this time. Yes, I bet the whole “indefinite” thing is making it MUCH worse, but also, y’all are that much furter in your relationship. As much as you loved him before, you’ve found that many MORE things to love him for!
Hang in there, text, skype, call…send snail mail too. Just know it’s okay to grieve the absence of your mate, even if temporary!
ah girl. i KNOW exactly how you feel. It will get better, you will be together in the end. It’s just so tough and hard on you both during this time. You can make it through, it’s meant to be <3
Oh honey bun, I’m sorry your heart aches for him. Its not a nice feeling to live through day in and day out. I know something fill come up for him in Kamloops. Keep your chin up.
Love you long time
-J
xoxox
I’m sorry this is such a hard time for you. I can’t even imagine – I miss my husband after, like, a day!!! (And we’re both pretty independent people, you know?)
The Bible talks about “two becoming one flesh”, so it totally makes sense that there’s an undeniable bond between you guys that just can’t be put aside for education, for career, for anything. It’s just the way us humans were designed. Anyway, hope you can find a way to be together very very soon!!!
Ugh, my heart is just breaking for you right now. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, especially as everything is just up in the air. There’s no set amount of time, no fun trip to look forward to. I’m excited to hear that he’s looking for a job in Kamloops and I hope he finds one soon!
Nathan and I have been together for 3 years and in all that time we’ve been apart for a week (when I was visiting family in NB) and a day (well, night, when I was in the hospital after having Topher) – and I absolutely hated it!!! I hope Eric finds a job in Kamloops soon!!!
That must be tough not having an end in sight. Hang in there. It’s not easy, but do what you can to stay connected to him even when you’re not chatting. Say, make him a mini scrapbook of what you’ve been up to or write him a letter or send him a care package now and then. Also, as I’ve said before, just try to choose some things that you can really focus your energy on (like marathon training, craft projects, reading) that would be much harder if he were around. Sending my happy thoughts your way!!
Long distance relationships are the worse, especially when there is no definite end in sight. Perhaps it will help if you can at least narrow down a date for one of you to visit one another. It’s definitely something tangible to hold on to.
Oh Amber!
My heart aches for you too! I know how you feel – the not knowing when we were going to see each other again was the straw that broke the camels back for me to move to Sask. I couldn’t do it anymore either.
Even though I live here now, Kris is away alot and I can totally relate to just going about your business, and something triggers that memory.. then you cry and phone a friend. Or the BF. Or your Mom (cause even if she doesn’t say anything you always feel better)
I have heard ppl say, oh its that much better when you see them next – i reply, oh it is… you try it. lol. they don’t say much after that. hee hee.
I know Jenny is moving there soon, and she loves you so much!! You will never have that feeling of being alone.
Sending you all my hugs today!!!!
xox
Keep your chin up, and remember that nothing is EVER permanent.
Tam.
LDR is so hard & I totally understand.. Hopefully something will open up- in the mean time just keep looking!!! Xoxo
You both do so well with the long distance thing – because it is HARD!! I really hope he can get a job closer to you! Keep your chin up, and don’t be too sad – it will be over soon enough
Amber, you two will get through it! You have been through so much together already and I know Eric will be able to find a job this time around. The economy is a bit better, he has more experience, etc. Just from that things look better this time from last!
I am going through the EXACT same thing with Tyler right now. We are apart right now, but I know I will be in Edmonton from September – December. After that – who knows where I will be? It all depends on where the UofA decides to stick me in Alberta for a few months. Then even after that – where will I be able to get a job? So, we are basically in the indefinate category right now as well. If you ever want to talk, I’m here for you babe!
Reading this made my heart break for you! It reminds me so much of my relationship with C. We were together for six years, but only actually lived in the same city for two months. We spent most weekends traveling back and forth and squeezing out every last second that we could. Long distance relationship are so difficult and I agree that spending quality time together and then being apart for an indefinite period of time is sometimes the worst. I’ll be hoping that Eric gets a job soon so you guys can be together again. Until then, we’ll be here for you if you ever need to talk!
Gosh, I remember those feelings! It was horrible! I transferred schools (from a pretty good one to a pretty bleah one) to be close to my then boyfriend/now husband. It was the biggest let down coming home at night…and home was just like work or school. No one to come home to, no one to tell your day’s woes to!
I’m hoping for speedy job hunting for him and a cheery mood for you!
I can only imagine how difficult a long-distance relationship is, especially after you get used to being together again in one place. I hope he finds a job near you soon!!
I’m sorry.
Chick! Don’t worry. It will work out ok. When you are hit with sadness and loneliness find a way to either talk to him or one of your good friends. They will support you! Be strong and keep communicating with Eric. There will be days that it sucks, but it will be ok in the end.
Hopefully things will work out and he can move back! Long distance is no fun, especially when you don’t know when it will end.
I’ve done the LD thing and it absolutely sucked! I hated how needy it made me feel!
On the whole the only thing that made it bearable was having a reunion to look forward to. And on that note I’ll definitely be praying Eric finds a job soon!
Awww, I’m sending you a big virtual hug. I really hope he finds a job in Kamloops soon, because this is terrible. Lots of love, hope things work out soon!
I’m just so happy that you guys are working your hardest to keep it strong strong strong. I love it. I hate when couples just give up so easily because of distance. I did that once and will regret it FOREVR. *Hugs* You’ll get through!
Awwww, I’m so sorry Amber. This is tough… I know you guys will get through it though! I wish I could give you a big hug!!
Aw, that has to be so tough! I bet you’ll both feel better when you have a better idea of when you’ll really be living in the same area again.
Oh honey… I was worried it would be harder after spending all that time together when traveiling.
So sorry to hear that you’ve been having a tough time. It’s to be expected, but just sucks.
I hope that E can find a job in Kamloops!! Would be wonderful for you guys to be together!!
I’m sorry, lady. It’s something that you get used to. And I know that sounds so rude and shallow, but in essence it’s true. Anything new is hard. A new job, with loads of stuff you don’t understand, etc. I know, I know you don’t WANT to get used to it. I do hope Eric finds a job closeby so that you don’t have to.
I know you guys have that staying power that lasts a lifetime, so at least, at the very least, you have that going for you.
That’s absolutely no fun. Loneliness and the longing for a loved one are terrible times – so, you’re allowed to be a Debbie Downer if you want! Keep your chin up! You’ll get through it!
I’ve never lived alone. I went from living with my parents to moving in with Josh after I graduated high school. I can’t even imagine being away from him overnight anymore. (Since we’ve lived together, we’ve only been apart for one weekend when he went out of town for a football game with his uncle. I hated it.)
I think a lot of this could have to do with the timeline being unknown. When you have no idea when you’ll be able to live together again, it might hurt a little more. I’m keeping you two in my thoughts, though, and I hope he finds a job in Kamloops soon!
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