We should be in Cinque Terre, Italy today (the part of the trip I was most looking forward to!) In the meantime, please welcome Lauren from Sassy Molassy for a guest post! I’ve been reading Lauren’s blog for a lonnggg time now and this fall I get to meet her when I run the Portland Marathon. I can’t wait!
Oh, and I miss you lovelies! XO
***************************************
I’m positive Amber and Eric are having a fabulous time venturing through Europe right now. Just a year ago I boarded a plane for my first European vacation with a great friend from high school. Now days, I dream of going back and hopefully timing it to watch a little of the Tour de France (in person).
But on to timelines…Do you have one? A clear (or fuzzy) timeline for your career, relationship, personal growth? As you may guess, I most definitely have a timeline or two.
Career: I’d prefer to have found my DREAM JOB, say yesterday. But since that’s really not practical, I need to get my rear moving toward something that professionally excites me. And I want that career all figured out by the time I making real decisions like children, home purchasing and such. Do you believe your career is just something that pays the bills or something that defines you?
Relationship/Family: You know when you were little and you thought you’d be married by 23 or so and with kids shortly after (or maybe I’m the only one)? Well, now days my family timeline is to have my first child by age 30. I’m 27. Working backwards, that means I need to get engaged, married and knocked up in just a few short years. No pressure, eh? 
As I inch closer to this perceived deadline, I realize it doesn’t REALLY matter what number I am (as long as it’s before that ticking clock stops). Just knowing that it will happen in due time should be good enough, but still I pester the manfriend about said timeline.
Personally: This is the area I don’t really have a set timeline for because I know personal growth is something that is never just accomplished. done. move on. We can only become our best selves if we’re constantly working to discover who that is and what she/he looks like.
I know that when I go to my bootcamp class, the instructors small comments about remaining in the present and letting go of all that negative sh*t really inspire me and feed that part of me that knows I really need to push myself harder in this arena. What in your daily life makes you want to push yourself outside your comfort boundary?
What are your career deadlines? Relationship/family? Personal deadlines? Have you already achieved one or more of them? If so, how did you do it?
Too many questions, I know. Feel free to pick one and answer. I’m interested in your feedback!
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
I always thought I wanted the high power career, so I really felt like I had ‘made it’ when I landed my job at The Psych Experiment. Then, my life turned upside down, I was miserable, and I realized that I didn’t want the crazy career that demanded so much time and energy. So my career expectations have changed. I want to find something that I am passionate about and that I enjoy doing, but it can’t take over my life like TPE did. I really thought I would be the kind of person who wouldn’t mind working 60-80 weeks. Wrongo batman. It was a tough lesson to learn, but an important one for me to learn - and I learned that for me my career doesn’t define who I am as much as I thought it would/should!
As far as the relationship timeline - oy vey. 30 is just around the corner for me. I have had to accept the fact that I won’t be married by 30. I won’t have a baby by 30. I might not even have a baby by 30. This part of my life so freaking out of control, which is why I did my 30 before 30 list - I wanted to spend this last year of my 20s focusing on things in my control - like running, creative, and professional goals. I am hoing this keeps me from going into a deep depression when I hit 30 next February!!
Great post - I am all about timelines & deadlines, etc, so it’s been a tough lesson to learn that things don’t always happen when I’d like!
I think it’s funny how when I was 18 I had all these timelines of how my 20s were going to pan out. By 22 I would have a degree, 24 married, 26 house and kids. Let’s just say I’m turning 25 and I have none of those things!! But I do have a crapload of life experience, which, ultimately, I feel is often far more valuable. I’m taking evening classes in things I enjoy, I’m working a full time job, renting a lovely house and have a wedding planned for winter - I may be a little late to the party, but sometimes you just have to roll with what life deals you, even if it’s not according to the “ideal” timeline, and learn as much as you possibly can from everything
Actually, I didn’t want to get married OR have kids. But I did both. Which is awesome, because kids are great. So is marriage. But I didn’t have a timeline for it. It just happened when it happened.
Now I’m 45 with one leaving home this fall (sniff sniff…makes me sad) and the other a few years younger (who probably will go to college here…yay!).
If anything, my new timeline is about when can I retire? when can we take trips more frequently together without the kids?
THanks for all the great feedback. Lisa’s Yarns, I like that you’re doing the 30 before 30 list. You’ll feel a great accomplishment fulfilling some big goals before hitting a mile marker in life. It’s interesting how these timelines we once set no longer mean anything if what we’ve done is in fact equally if not more impressive. Emily, there’s something too truly loving your life, even if it isn’t exactly what you planned out. And it sounds like you’re perfectly content with where you are, which is awesome. Lisa, congrats on looking forward to retirement. Is it bad that I already think of it? Perhaps I need to come up with a strike rich plan.
This is such a great post! I used to have a vague timeline of how I wanted my 20’s to pan out- graduate at 21, go to grad school, get married by 24, have kids by 28, and all while working toward my dream job which I would have by the time I was 30. Well, now I’m 25 and I’ve only done the first two. But I’ve also been able to travel and move around which would have been much more difficult if I was in a serious relationship or had kids, so I don’t regret anything. It’s just kinda funny how things work out how they’re supposed to.
No kidding. I truly believe things happen as they are meant to, although you’ll often find me stressing myself out along the way. Need to figure out how to enjoy the process more.
I think timelines are made to be broken. I, too, thought I’d be married by 22-23 and be done having kids by the time I was 30. I’m sooooooo glad I didn’t. The guy I was dating at 22-23 wasn’t the “one” for me. And I’ve had so much time to really discover who I am. Now that I’m “in my 30s” I definitely feel more pressure to make firmer plans about marriage and children, but I think if you hem yourself in to a “set” timeline you run the risk of not giving yourself what you really want/need.
Career: I’ve just landed and started a job at a place where I’ve dreamt about working at! It’s at the bottom of the chain, but I know I’ll work my way up. We all gotta start somewhere!
Relationship/Family: I really, REALLY hope we are able to buy a house soon so we can start Phase 3 of our relationship. (Phase 1 was just dating, Phase 2 was moving in together and Phase 3 will be hopefully be wedding bells and a family).
Personally: Feel better. I’ve been sick lately and it’s really put a cramp on my feel goodiness.
Kara, that’s so exciting! I love that you have started a job at a place you love, even if you’re not at the level you want to be. Your work environment is so important to your happiness. And I too am on Phase 3, however there might be a few more phases added in there like boyfriend needing to save for said engagement ring and decide he’s ready to be a family man.
I also planned to be married by 23. It didn’t happen until I was 27. I wanted to be a young mom. Kids aren’t even on the radar yet. It’s funny how life reprioritizes everything for you isn’t it?
Love this post, Sass!
Relationship: never had any age set for marriage or kids. Even now, I’m 110% happy and content with where we are, but have no timeline for the “next” steps.
Just going day by day and enjoying the ride for now…
Career: I definitely think your career should be something you’re passionate about - not just a source of income. That being said, the search for the ‘dream ‘ job is never ending, as my interests constantly evolve and the world of Nutrition expands… I’m not where I want to be right now, but it’s a start.
Heather, I love that you’re just completely content. That is not easy to come by so pat yourself on the back.
I didn’t think I’d get married until I was 30! And I never even wanted kids when I was younger. I ended up getting married at 25. I’m 29 now and we’ve been trying for a baby for 9 months…
I know this is going to sound anti-feminist and really old-school, but think it’s unfortunate that women are encouraged to place such a high priority on their careers instead of getting married & having kids. Now that my husband and I are ready for kids, we realize what a miracle it will be to actually conceive a baby. So many women don’t even start trying until early thirties and infertility rates are on the rise because of this delay.
I know some women don’t want to get married and have kids, but the majority of women do! And it’s just too bad that society doesn’t encourage women in those natural desires, because we just don’t have as much time as men, biologically speaking, to date around and find someone while also persuing the career of our dreams.
(Don’t get me started on the guys who won’t man up and ask their girlfriends to marry them…)
LG, I totally hear you. I wish you the best of luck in starting your family. I too want to have babies so that’s part of my timeline I’m trying not to budge on. But life happens as it will. Also, I feel like in the last few years I’ve realized how much more of a priority a family is to me than career status and a high paycheck. Family is so important.
I was done my 1st degree at 21, and married at 21. I have been married for almost 6 years now, and hope to have my first kid in another year or two. I finished my 2nd degree a few months ago (27) and hope to finish grad school by 30, but I am in no rush.
I already have a career I love, but I have many opportunities to switch it up or move into something different as I get older - I have no plans or time lines for this … it will happen as it happens.
I definitely had some timelines when I was younger. I was going to graduate at 22, be married at 25, and start trying to have kids at 28. I’m 22 now and will hopefully be graduating in December. (I’ll be 23.) No man in sight (but who knows what will happen in 2 years?!)
What I know now is that timelines don’t always go as planned. Sometimes we have to completely throw them out the window and gain some life experiences instead.
I’m too OCD to make timelines: I know from experience that if the timing failed I’d be a type A miserable wreck.
Oh timelines. I don’t exactly remember my timeline from childhood but I’m guessing it probably had me getting married around age 25, which is happening (26 technically)…and then having kids shortly there after. Now I’m thinking at least 5 more years for kids, if not longer…oops. As for my job, I don’t think I pictured myself already teaching for four years and having my masters by now, but, better to move even quicker than expected right?
I used to always say that 26 was a good age to get married and then 28 a good age to have a baby. Except I’ll be 26 this year, and I don’t see myself getting married in the next year. So now I’m thinking that 28 might a a great age to get married instead.
Great post. I am not a fan of time lines. I have never had them and don’t reall envision making one. You just never know whats going to come along that can alter the course of your life. I feel like if I made a time line, I would box myself in. I have a friends who did that. He wanted to be married, have kids, house with the picket fence, etc. He’s married to someone he doesn’t love and while he does have kids he adores, he’s really unhappy. I feel like he sold himself sort because he had a timeline.
Hey! I gave you a blogger award on my blog today! Come check it out!