As you guys know, I’m a busy person. I have a job I love, I am going to school full-time and I’m thisclose to being done my undergraduate degree, I’m an avid runner, I have the best roomie ever (Webster, of course), I have great friends and a busy social life.
I feel very happy and content on a regular basis. But no matter where I am or what I’m doing, I have a constant, dull, background ache. Something is missing.
Now, I know the obvious answer is Eric, and yes, he is a large part of that ache. But to be honest, I’ve had that ache since I moved to Kamloops over a year ago. People have constantly told me, “home is what you make it”, “you’ll get used to Kamloops”, “you won’t stay homesick for long.”
Well, friends, it’s been 15 months since I first moved to Kamloops and I still feel homesick every. single. day.
The last few weeks have been hard ones. Yesterday, my dad underwent surgery to have a tumour removed from his pituitary gland. Thankfully he is doing well and is now in recovery. Also, last week Eric’s older sister suffered a miscarriage. My heart literally breaks for her every time I think about it because she is the most amazing mother ever and I know how much she wanted the baby. I am sending hug vibes but I wish I could have been there to give out a REAL hug.
To top all of that off, it’s Erics birthday on Saturday. Needless to say, I’ve been dying to go home. But the thing is, no matter how many trips I make home or how often (I’ve been going home every 2-3 months) that ache never seems to go away
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I keep harbouring the feeling that eventually I will be moving closer to home. I just don’t know when. All I know is, I can’t handle having this ache for the rest of my life!
A few pictures from camping this summer that make me miss home even more:
How do you guys handle being far away from your family and home? Does anybody else get that background “ache”? Will it ever go away?
{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }
It is SO HARD living away from home. Once I moved away I quickly realized that it was only temporary for me. I knew that I would eventually settle down at home or much closer to it.
I really hope you start feeling better. My thoughts are with Eric’s sister and I hope Eric has a great birthday.
I think it just varies for everyone - there’s no Set amount of time that it takes to get used to being away from your family. They’re part of you, and you’re obviously very close to your fam! From my experience, yes, it gets easier and you adjust and find a life of your own that makes you happy. I don’t get “homesick” much anymore, but I am always SO excited when I do go home. The transition is just another thing you start dealing with at this age (ya know, in case you don’t have enough on your mind!
). And either way (whether it’s staying or moving closer), you’ll find a balance/location that works!
In my experience, the ache gets lesser and lesser the closer you move to home. I initially went to a college 1 hr. and 40 min. away from home and was homesick constantly; then I transfered to MSU which is only 1 hr. and 15 min. away and it got significantly better. Then we moved to Dearborn, a full 2 hrs. and 15 min. from home and it got worse again. And then we moved home, stayed with my parents for a month, and then moved into a house three doors down from my in-laws. At which point I discovered a different kind of ache in a different spot … yes, sometimes you can be too close. ;o)
Thinking of you and yours as you make it through this rough patch. I hope your dad recovers well from surgery, and I hope Eric’s sister recovers from the hole in her heart. Do you get to go home for Eric’s birthday or is he able to come visit you?
I never really left my hometown for college or now full time work. I sometimes wish I had found a job someplace else so I could get the experience and live someplace else. Even though my family is close I don’t see them too often. I know its hard to be away from family, maybe after you finish school other opportunities will open up for you to move home.
I hope your dad recovers well & doesn’t have any more issues! That kind fo stuff is so scary!
I am fortunate to live close to my parents (5 hours), but I still get homesick. I see them quite a bit June-Aug, but then don’t see them very often from Sept-May, so those months really drag on. I just saw my parents in October and when I hugged them good bye, I said - “see you at Christmas” and then I got really bummed when I got home and realized I wasn’t going to see them for 2 months.
But time flies, and I know I will be with them soon.
I hope the feelings of being home sick get better soon and hopefully once you graduate, you can live close to your family again!!
i absolutely thought i’d be happy in NYC. Then i moved, and barely 3 months had passed, and I hated not being around the niece and nephew. So i moved back. i love being close but far enough away from family (i live about 30 mins from my sister & 1 hour from my parents - when they’re in md, otherwise they’re in florida). however, my older sister moved to california, I wish she’d get that feeling too, just so she’d move back. but she’s stubborn. damn.
I totally know what you mean, it’s the reason I transferred colleges during my freshman year, to be closer to my family.
*hugs*
It’s funny, I moved away from “home” almost 10 years ago, but I left for more reasons than just school. I couldn’t WAIT to put as many miles between myself and “home.” In all the years I’ve been gone I almost NEVER get homesick. I don’t miss the wretched weather, I don’t miss the crap economy, I don’t miss my town or the house I grew up in… I have a ton of bad memories of all of those things… the only thing I miss is the people that are still there. But this year for absolutely no reason at all, I got homesick. The closer it got for my impending trip to Chicago for the marathon and the more everyone was posting pics of the Autumn the more this sudden urge to be “home” was awakened. Suddenly the miles between myself and my brothers became too far… That was right about the time that I decided that this time next year I was going to be a lot closer to home, crap weather and all I’m relocating North… It took 10 years for me to feel the way you have for the last 15 months; I don’t know how you’ve managed with this ache as long as you have but just know that you’ll be better for it and you’ll always appreciate and never take for granted the time you spend with them which so many people out there do.
Sending hugs to you. I truly believe in the saying “home is where the heart is” and even though you live in your home, part of your heart is with Eric, your parents, and the rest of your family.
I live close to my parents and siblings, but most of my extended family lives in Florida (about 8-10 hours from me). The last time I saw most of them was my wedding (June 17, 2008). I’m probably going down in January because my aunt is having her first baby, and she’s only eight years older than I am, so she’s always been like an older sister to me. I hate being so far away from them sometimes.
With how busy you are the semesters must fly, and before you know it it’s going to be April and the door will be open with possibilities including going (or at least closer to) home. I don’t believe home is where the heart is, its where loved ones are, cheesy as it may seem. Keep your chin up, sunshine. Hugs.
I live away from my parents most of the year, and obviously I miss them a lot but i don’t know if I have that ache.. it could be that it’s because I’m still living with my sister so it feels like the rest of my family is there too?
Do you use skype/video chat? Because that would be a great way to get to see your family without actually being with them
Booo to being homesick…..its sucks!! I left home seven years ago and i still get homesick and Steve knows when i am lol I get a little grabby *_*
It does get lesser and lesser though as time goes by and you find a place you love and want to call your new home. If i hated where i lived it would have made it a million times worse. I still wish i could move my entire family here lol or at least my parents but i know they would never leave their home.
Its especially hard on bdays when you can’t make it there or they can’t make it to you. I hate missing family bdays i think they’re so important, sad i can’t be there for Erics bday or my dads 50th on Sunday and I also couldn’t be there to hold Cheryl’s hand
Or having to share me and Steve’s good news over the phone and not in person. But i guess that’s all part of growing up and having your own life. I also know i would never move home, i wouldn’t be able to live there, its just not for me anymore.
when I moved to vancouver, I was excited. my mom stayed with me for three days, getting me organized. the day she left, I cried. about a month and a half later, I had what can only be described as an emotional breakdown. you know what happened next. I finished school, moved back to fsj, and now I’m living with the parents in camrose. I see them every day, and while it’s a little much living with them, I’m way happier being closer than further away. but that’s just my experience. I know you’ll figure things out, love
and you know we’re always here for you.
Sending you a big virtual hug! Hope your dad and SIL are doing OK.
My family was separated quite a bit while I was growing up and going to school. My dad worked away a lot so I was lucky if I got to see him once a day (usually at breakfast–I think that’s why I’m a morning person, so I could have brekkie with my dad!).I don’t know what to tell you–I’ve never been that homesick before. If I was feeling a little blue, either I’d pick up the phone or mine would ring and I’d catch up on all the news and be good to go again. It’s been pretty rare that I needed to hop on a plane or in a car, but that’s happened too. I guess I always knew that if I needed ‘em, they’d be there and vice versa.
My babbling probably hasn’t helped much…take a deep breath, make some phone calls. Either call ‘em and tell ‘em how much you miss them or call and book a flight and tell ‘em in person. That’s what I’d do.
H =)
I know how you feel. When I first started going to college, I wasn’t home sick at all because school is only an hour and a half away from home. But then last semester I studied abroad in Australia and I was home sick the. whole. time. Of course I had fun and wouldn’t take that experience back for anything, but I ached every night when I went to bed. At the time, I was still with my boyfriend of 3.5 years and I missed him so much too. So when I came home, I was overwhelmingly happy and that ache went away. But then this past summer my boyfriend and I broke up and as soon as I was back on campus that ache returned. I’m not sure if it’s the distance from my family (as small as it is) or the emptiness in my heart from being newly single. It is healing day to day, but I have definitely learned from my travels and tribulations that I will most likely live near home from now on.
You know, maybe that’s the problem with where I am now. I keep thinking I just don’t like this town. Maybe I’m just missing home and my family and friends. Either way, I won’t be staying here much longer.
I hope your dad recovers quickly and all goes well for him, and that Eric’s sister overcomes the grieving process soon. Of all the times to be away from home, this must be the worst.
I spent 10mths away from my family before starting uni and I hated it, but then I was both too young (for me) to live on my own, and I was living in the one place I hate the most. I had horrible homesickness, so I do know how bad that ache feels. I think that homesickness is indicative of how much you belong where you are. If you were really meant to be in Kamloops, you’d love it, and the homesickness wouldn’t be so bad. Basically, if you miss your family/hometown more than you love where you are = homesickness. If you love where you are more than you miss your hometown/family = new home! From my parents, I know that you’ll always miss your family to some degree - but it shouldn’t actually *hurt*.
I honestly don’t think that time makes a difference once you’ve settled in (which you clearly have). If you’re not happy, you’re not happy, end of.
I worry about the same thing. I still live at home with my family and when i’m not i’m always curious as to what they are doing. It is normally not much but i always wonder and think about it and get that strange feeling. Sometimes i worry about the future and get concerned with where i will live someday and how often/not often i will see them and that makes me have that feeling too. I guess just try to take one day at a time and be so thankful you have a family and boyfriend that give you that achy missing feeling!
:)
I’ve pretty much always lived in the same city - it’s the biggest one in the whole country, and has the university with the best communications programme, so I was always going to stay put. Odds are my job is going to keep me around here, too. I’m not close to my parents, but they live only a few minutes drive away. I did feel incredibly lonely at times in the first year after moving out, but that was more due to not having a close support network. I hope things get better for you soon!
first, I’m so glad your dad is doing ok, and second, I’m so sorry for Eric’s sister. how terrible. I can imagine how hard it is for you not to be close to family when things like that happen.
luckily, I am not that far from my immediate family. just a 10-minute car ride away. so I can’t totally relate. though I know that my relationship with my parents has much improved since going to college and permanently moving out. I like being able to have some distance when I need it but also can visit whenever I like.
but some people like being close to their family and having them involved in their every day and it sounds like that is what you want and need. I think your homesickness could eventually go away but you might not be truly happy if your relationship with your family is more often via telephone than face-to-face. you’ll be graduated soon and maybe then you’ll be able to move back closer to home.
I don’t have any great advice for how to lessen the ache… but regular phone calls– maybe even messages via Twitter? is your mom into that? haha– and maybe putting up some of those family pictures that you love around the house will make your family seem closer.
I’ve been living on the opposite side of the country from my family for almost 5 years now. I was really homesick at first but now it’s only REALLY bad close to holidays/birthdays or when something’s happening back home (ie my mom was in the hospital for 4 months last year and I couldn’t go home). You’re fortunate to be able to go home so often - I make it back once a year, if I’m lucky - it’s cheaper to fly to Europe from Alberta than to New Brunswick, so yeah. I call my family almost every day though, we facebook, e-mail, write letters … I still miss them though!
Aw, honey. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad but I’m very glad he is doing well. I’m sending get well soon vibes his way and prayers for the entire family. The miscarriage situation is awful as well; I can’t imagine what that must be like.
It’s been awhile since I’ve been homesick but I tend to reach out to my family more, look at photos that make me feel like I’m at home, and try to get home as much as I can. I also tend to stay busy =)
Here if you need anything!
It’s really tough to be so far away from your family and friends and boyfriend. I miss mine, too, and when tough times hit, it’s even harder.
Sending you major hugs.
I really missed my Mom and sis when I moved away after college too! Daily phone calls and plane rides whenever possible got me through. : )
I’m so sorry to hear that your family is having such a hard time, and I know for me, whenever that happens and I can’t be RIGHT there, I get torn up inside.
I don’t have much to offer you beyond distractions, skype dates with them so you can see them when you talk to them (this cuts my home sickness in half), and doing little things for them from far away. But this sounds like an incredibly hard situation, and you are incredibly brave for tackling it <3
Oh, I so know the feeling! When I moved away from college, I had such an awful experience. I was extremely, extremely homesick and ended up coming home every weekend. I had an awful roommate and never really established any social connections to help me feel more at home so I ended up moving back home the next year.
So I totally get you.
I knew going into college that I wanted to be close to home. Saying that I do not do well away from home is an understatement. I go to school 30 minutes away from home and I probably see my parents once a week for various reasons. A couple of summers ago, I thought it would be a good idea to go abroad and take a class in Italy. I was SO homesick. It never really went away, but it definitely got easier as I became adjusted. I think the best way to deal with it, for me, is to just keep so busy that I can’t even think about how homesick I actually am. Hope it gets better!
I haven’t lived “at home” now for almost 7 years, so I’m pretty used to it. Although even when I went away to college I was never really homesick. I am a little disappointed with the fact that I won’t be going home for Thanksgiving, and while it would be nice to have my parents around for everyday things, I guess I’ve almost excepted that its quite going to happen anymore.
This is hard. I went through months of homesickness last year, and it still hits fairly often because my family is going through a really tough time right now and I wish I could be there… But I’ve found that I have to put roots down where I am. Make friends, make long-term plans, establish traditions to make where I am at the moment feel like home, not just a place I’m living for a few years before I can return.
I’ve tried to live by Doni’s mantra these few months (”Wherever you are, be all there.”) Because I know I won’t be in any one place forever and so I need to love and live while I can. Just because my time here is limited doesn’t mean I shouldn’t decorate and celebrate and LIVE. I don’t want to look back on a few years of a life without close friends, or family, or rituals, or all my favourite things just because it was too much money, or effort for only a few years.
You’ll be home soon. It’s your last year of undergrad. Live it. Embrace it. You want to remember all the fun and learning you had, not look back and remember how you spent your last semesters homesick. Easier said than done obviously, but hang in there darling. It’s tough. Believe me.
Being close to the ones you love is one of, if not the most important things in life. I say listen to the ache, and get back home as soon as the opportunity presents it self
Do what you love, and love what you do.
Oh Amber. I know this feeling so well. I live 1000 miles from my family. I don’t get to go home for most holidays and I miss all birthdays and other events. It’s so hard on holiday weekends when I’m alone. Thanksgiving is 2 weeks away and I’m getting tears in my eyes thinking about it. I really just want it to be over with because I know it’s going to be a sad day for me. Thanksgiving Thurs is the only day I get off since it’s our busy time of year and I can’t travel 1000 miles and back for one day off. I actually end up depressed and in tears nearly every holiday weekend.
For me there are good days and bad days. My running friends are like my family here and I love them dearly but they all have their own families and I don’t feel comfortable saying “hey, can I join your family for Thanksgiving?” It’s hard. It also seems like I’m a lot better in the summer than in the winter. Once it gets cold and days get dark I have a really hard time being so far from home. In fact, lately I’ve been really feeling like it’s time to move home. I think short term, it’s ok. If you know it’s not forever, you can get through it. I’ve been here 2 years now and while originally it was a 3 year stay, now there is no set end date.
The best thing for me to do is keep busy. If I’m doing something, ANYTHING, it helps take my mind off things. It definitely makes me value my time at home even more and I know that when I do get to go home for Christmas I will pack as much into every day so that I can have the happy memories to get me through the lonely days.
Ugh I do get that ache! That’s why I’m trying to stay within a 5-hour radius. It’s so hard though
My heart goes out to you and your family members!
Hey - I really feel for you on this point. I’m from Alberta and I moved to Ontario solo when I was 17 for school. I wanted to prove I could - and I did well in school, but I was so homesick. I flew home every month and that is no small journey. I talked to my parents daily and other family and friends at least once a week. Homesick? I was heartsick being away from my family for that long. I moved back to Alberta the next year - best choice I ever made. I’m getting ready to move again next year for school - and I hope it gets better.