I was feeling great. I wasn’t having too many lonliness pangs, life was busy, I was busy, I was talking to Eric several times a day, missing him; but not too much. Things were good.
Then last night I fell apart.
Maybe it was the 10-hour long day, yes, I was at school (in classes and meetings) from 8:30 am to 6:30 pm yesterday. Maybe it was exhaustion, I got up at 5:00 am to fit in a run yesterday morning. Maybe it was the fact that me and Eric didn’t talk all day yesterday - he was in and out of cell service, I was busy-busy. Maybe it was just stress from all the assignments and deadlines that are coming at me at record speed. I don’t know. But I fell apart.
I dropped my friends off at their place after our last class finally got out at 6:20. I started to drive home and started thinking about how nice it would be to relax with Eric after a day like this - cooking, watching TV, whatever. Then I started to bawl, uncontrollably.
I drove home with tears streaming down my face, I walked into the door to a very excited Webster and threw myself on the bed and cried a bit more.
I wanted to quit school. I wanted to go home to Eric and my family. I wanted to sleep.
So I called Eric and bawled, “I-just-sniff-sniff-miss-you-so-much-wahhhhhhh”. He was very understanding and said “I miss you, too” and all that jazz. Made me feel a hundred times better, like he always does.
After talking to Eric I managed to pull myself together enough to change into some super comfy clothes, make some dinner - and by make dinner I mean nuke a lean cuisine meal - and settle onto the couch to watch the Big Brother finale and cuddle with Webster.
The whole situation reminded me how hard it is to deal with stressful situations; like school, work, deadlines etc. when you don’t have a solid support system around you. Yes, I have some amazing, great friends here and I am so grateful for them. But they aren’t Eric and they aren’t my family.
I think that to get through the next six months without losing my sanity I’m going to have to figure out some ways to be my own support system and some good ways to de-stress, rather than bawling my face off; even though a good cry every so often can do wonders.
Who’s your support system? And what do you do to de-stress after a long, hard day?
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
I Heart You.
Im sorry I’m not there.
These days are normal, and if you diddnt have them, something would be wrong. You love Eric & your family. You are not with them, therefor it makes you lonley and sad. I get this way too. Its hard when you dont have a solid rock in your life right there helping you though those tough times, but as long as you keep in mind, he is going to be there in less than a month, he’s a phone call away, your family & friends love you and would be lost without you. Go for a run, get a coffee, read a book, have a nice hot bath, call your mom and bawl (always makes me feel better). Tomorrow will be a better day.
I love you!! xoxox
J
Awwww, Amber. I’m so sorry you had such a rough day… I hope things have turned around a little bit and you’re feeling somewhat better. I don’t think it’s going to be easy at first and you’re probably going to have more moments like this but it will eventually go away and in the end this will probably make your relationship EVEN stronger! What doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger, right?!
My support system is my family, friends, and the online support system! I find it relieves my stress so much to jump on here and read what everyone is up to and receive all the wonderful comments in support and caring. It just warms my heart! I love it. I find I am at my most creative when I’m stressed beyond belief and that is when I start writing, journaling, blogging, anything! Just something to get it out of me.
Hang in there girlie, things will work out. Just stay busy and these next six months will fly by. I promise!
Im so sorry you had a struggling day as well.
I lean hard on friends (IRL and virtual) and then tend toward trash.
TV
BOOKS
MAGAZINE.
the lower the brow the better
I’m sorry you had that moment.
I like to take a bath/shower when I’m upset. After a long and stressful day, my favorite thing to do is sit on the couch in comfy clothes and watch HGTV or a movie that I’ve already seen (that way, my mind can relax a little).
breaking down is allowed. if you didn’t, you wouldn’t be human. i think you did the best you could. you’ll figure out what works best for you. and it will get easier!
Awww! Usually I destress by eating comfort food! Either that or a nice run after work! But, both help!
Hang in there girl! What’s that saying… anything worth it…will be hard.. or something?
Amber *GIGANTIC HUG*, I soooo know what you mean. I also broke down yesterday
John wouldn’t stop emailing me for stupid little things but every time it was like I got stabbed. And then I also watched the biggest loser, and then when I was done I checked my mail and there was ANOTHER stupid email! So I told him to stop emailing me and then… I just cried 
I have my friends and family as a support system but I didn’t/don’t want to discuss my breakdown with any of them. They all think/know that I am strong and pretty much over him…
To be honest though, I think sometimes we just need to cry and let it out
I feel much better today, and I hope that you do too!!
Ahh - sending big, virtual hugs your way. We all have days like that. I know i definitely do. especially if I am really stressed or if I am sick.
My support system is my parents & siblings. Alot of the time I have to rely on phone calls, but if I really need to talk to someone, I will drive over to my brother’s house since he lives in the same metro area.
My friends are also my support system - again, mostly phone calls because it’s hard to see them on a regular basis sometimes.
And I will say - since breaking up with Ryan, I have really come to rely on myself a heck of alot more. It was tough to get to this point, but I’m in a good place. Although sometimes I think I don’t rely on people enough, or I feel like such a burden… Which is something I need to get over!
Sorry you had a bad day
I missed your b-day, so this is belated…Happy Birthday!
sorry you had such a tough day. long stressful days like that can require relaxation. at least you had big brother.
Big virtual hugs coming your way!
For me it depends, something I depending on friends, other times I need to be alone, so I might run or have a bath. I usually eat. Eat alot of crap. Shopping, I’ll buy myself something special. But sometimes you just need to cry, get it out.
I give you so much credit, because I know that I could not handle the situation you are in right now. I think you are handling it really, really well. You will find a way to deal with this and I’m sure your relationship will be stronger at the end of this!
You can do it!!!!! Is it sad that you talking about school makes me miss the madness of the college of ed???
I had to drop my master’s class this semester and it seems my brain is really missing the learning.. 
Hang in there chica.. And hey, if it makes you smile you’ve motivated me to go run after I finish reading my blogs! 
I’m so sorry to hear that your day was so hard yesterday. I understand the feeling of being completely overwhelmed and not having anyone to talk to about it. I’m in a really similar situation: I go to school in Portland, Oregon and my whole family lives on the East Coast, centered in NY. I was trying to get away from them to some extent, but there are and have been days when I felt miserable and all alone. I have pretty good friends here, more so than I ever realized, but my problem is not telling people when I’m upset and not letting it out. Instead I just tend to sit in my room and watch old tv shows on hulu. I think that the best thing you can do is take good care of yourself and let people know how you’re feeling because I think that a lot of friends want to help more than we realize sometimes, they just don’t know how to if we don’t tell them.
Feel better!
Oh girl, keep your chin up! You’ll get through this. The best thing to do is keep busy and stay focused. Your friends are going to be a god send during these next few months I assure you… when I first moved to Orlando I was a wreck… but my girls helped me make it through!
My go-to after a really long day is Sex & the City. Doesn’t matter if I’ve seen the episode 100 times, it will still give me a sense of comfort, make me laugh/cry and usually make me feel better about whatever it is I’m dealing with in that particular instant.
I also tend to call my mom a lot if I need to talk/vent/commiserate.
My number one outlet (used to be, I admit I’m slacking in this area A LOT) was the gym/exercise.
I’m glad Eric was there for you from afar and thank goodness for Webster and cuddly animals!
Booooo to your sucky day!! Your very lucky Eric is such a gooder and you can talk to him alot. I understand how hard it is to be away from everyone and everything you know. But you find your way through, even the toughest times. When i moved here i didn’t know anyone and didn’t have a real idea of what i wanted to do, for school, work, or even a place to live. Its been 7 years and the lonely times still come a go, but you learn how to deal with it.
Hang in there kiddo
I am sorry you had a hard day yesterday. Sometimes just hearing my man-friends voice makes things better. I also drink wine, lots and lots of wine. I curl up with my dog and a good book. Sometimes I just need to cry.
NOTHING helps as much as a nice hot moksha YOGA class to help me breathe deep, calm my life and thoughts and leave feeling an appreciation for life and spirit renewed.
It can get you through the toughest moments of life.
I highly recommend it,Namaste!
Oh Amber - I am so sorry to hear that!!! I agree though, you are allowed to break down, its what makes us human!!
Is there any kind of exercise class or anything that you could take to fill up some evenings and have some fun to distract yourself on a few nights??
I truly believe that this time will fly for you!!!
Take care love!!
i couldn’t even finish reading this post yesterday ‘cuz I was in the same boat. My boyfriend lives 3 hours away and even though I get to see him this weekend, I had a bit of a meltdown at the end of the day.
It’s hard, but it gets easier. Some days are better than others. It’s okay to just let yourself FEEL the way you feel… if crying helps, cry. If running helps, run. Or just curl up in a ball. But just for a night. And then you gotta get back up and move on!
I’ve actually been feeling lonelier this semester since I’ve been much busier. I guess there’s something empty about running around all the time without a lot of time to talk to other people or relax by yourself. I’m finishing up a 15 hour day right now and feeling pretty pathetic.
Oh, man, do I know this feeling or what. My boyfriend and I did the whole LDR thing for 6 months and stressful days were always the ones that left me missing him the most.
Those days were hard, but looking back, dealing with them gave me an incredible sense of independence. I’m happier when my boyfriend is there to comfort me after those long days, but it’s amazing to know that now I can deal with stress and frustration on my own, too.
When I was in an LDR, I would de-stress by distracting myself: watching a movie, grabbing coffee or dessert with an old friend, writing on my blog, e-mailing a person I looked up to professionally, attending networking events, or trying a new restaurant.
That’s my advice: distract yourself and embrace your independence. They’ll help you get through.