Hey guys, please welcome Ashley from Ashley As Aurora. I love this girl’s blog and she has some great insight and personal experience with long-distance relationships! I could really relate to a lot of this post; especially the part about being in a long-distance relationship so young!
For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Ashley from Ashley As Aurora. When I saw that Amber was asking for people to guest post on their experiences with a long-distance relationship I knew I couldn’t pass it up. First of all because Amber is awesome. And second because I was in a seriously long, long-distance relationship. I have lots to say on this subject! So, for some background info, let’s lay out the facts.
My LDR lasted almost six years. SIX YEARS.
I met C my freshman year of college. He went to another college about two hours away and we met through a friend. We started dating (long-distance, of course) which meant driving back and forth on the weekends. Occasionally we would meet in the middle for a day or two, but most of our time getting to know each other was spent on the phone and on AIM. (Oh, AIM, you were so cool back in the day.) While this wasn’t the most sought after way to start a relationship, I didn’t mind it. I was still able to focus on school, I was able to spend all week with my friends without the “you’re spending too much time with your new boyfriend” argument, and I thought it was nice to actually be able to talk to him. We spent HOURS on the phone and sitting in front of our computers typing to one another. It was a great way to get to know him without that pesky (but oh so delightful) physical chemistry getting in the way.
So this lasted (off and on) until we graduated from college four years later. We broke up a lot because of the distance, and other factors like the fact that we were both 18 when we met… but overall, I still considered him my boyfriend of 4 years.
Then he was accepted into grad school up north and I decided to spend a year abroad teaching English in France. This is when we decided whether or not to stick it out for the long run. Did we really want to make our “long-distance relationship” even longer? We had a serious discussion and thankfully, we both decided to make it work. It wasn’t easy, but we did it. He came to visit me twice, once over New Years and once over Spring Break. We talked on the phone almost every day. And we skyped constantly. There were nights that I cried myself to sleep because I missed him so badly. And there were days when I wished we had just broken up so my heart wouldn’t hurt so much. But when he came to visit, it was totally worth it. And those pictures we have in Paris, London, and Amsterdam are priceless. Looking back now I cherish those memories. Even the bad, sad, and lonely ones. That year we spent separated by an ocean made our relationship stronger. It made us feel closer and more connected that we ever had before.
I moved back to the states the following year and started grad school about three hours from C. We took buses back and forth every other weekend which was challenging with our heavy loads of school work. We were trying to make it work, but eventually we started fighting. We fought over everything. I felt like he was ignoring me and too busy with school. He felt like I was too needy. We weren’t happy with the distance anymore, so something had to change.
If you’ve been a long-time reader of my blog, you know what happened in September ‘08. We broke up.
And then in March ‘09 we started talking again. We semi-got-back-together for a few months and it was wonderful. I still loved him. The chemistry was still there and stronger than ever. We wanted to make it work. We talked about the distance and were willing to try again.
But then I moved back to Texas.
We knew that would break us.
We talked about it and decided to stay friends. It has been extremely difficult, but I still care about him and want him in my life, even if it’s not as my boyfriend.
I think long-distance relationships can be a positive experience for many couples. I don’t regret mine for one minute. They aren’t easy, but if you find the right person and both of you are willing to stick it out until you can be together, in person, then I think it’s worth it.
C is one of my best friends. I can trust him with my life and count on him for anything. He’s an amazing guy, and I’m so glad I didn’t give up on us, give up on a friend, because of the distance between us.
Amber here; what’s the longest you’ve ever been in a LDR? Do you think you could do it for 6 years like Ashley?
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Amber your are killing me with not telling us what is going on in your life and this whole long distance thing is really making me wonder!
Anyway, I was in a long distance relationship for 2 years of college. There were things that were great about it, particularly for that phase of my life. I still had time for all of my friends, and I saw my BF about once a month. In the end it didn’t work though, partly because of the distance but probably more because we started dating when we were 17 and just didn’t know what we wanted. I could never imagine being in a LDR with my fiance now, although we did live about 35-40 minutes apart when I was in college, but that was not bad. Both of us like drama free relationships and we also have the attitude with each other that if someone really needs to go somewhere we go with them. Both of us have stable jobs here and like living near our families so I think we are all set on this front thank goodness.
I’ve been in a LDR on and off for about two years (and it will be at least a 1 1/2 more). And I’ve been married for a 1 1/2 of that time. Honestly for us it hasn’t been that bad. The distance has never been more than a 4 hour drive and we’ve been able to see each other almost every weekend.
I don’t feel our relationship has suffered very much because of the distance, although this is definitely not the way I prefer my marriage to be. This year my school load will be much busier, so I doubt we’ll be able to spend every weekend together. But I just keep reminding myself of the time when we’ll be able to live together again. That’s probably a key with me. There’s an end in sight.
Aww.. what a beautiful sad story. When I met my now husband, it was summer time and our parents lived 10 minutes from each other. Than I went back to the state unversity and he went back to the local university. We were about an hour and a half away, and saw each other if not EVERY weekend than every other. I did not have a car with me,so I had to rely on rides back or he would come visit me cuz he had a long weekend. That last about a semester and I ended up transferring to the school he was at. I had been contemplating it and meeting him probably speeded that process up by a semester. Along with the fact my roommmates were roommates from HELL. I did not mind the LDR, I actually loved it. I could dowhat I want and then see him like once a week. I am a person who needs a lot of space in a relationship. Honestly, it’s probably the only reason we survived, because I had a tendency to drop guys who were too needy, quite fast. If I had been around him 24/7 at the beginning, it never would have worked! Since he is very needy. *Why do I always write novels on your comment section???*
I don’t know if I could for six years, but I did for the better part of two. I just found it a little bit weird, because as much as I knew him on the phone and on AIM (which was where the majority of our relationship took place, because AIM was the bomb), when he came to visit I almost didn’t know what to do with myself.
A few years later I dated a guy in college who went to school four states away from me. That relationship was even worse, because when he was away I almost forgot why we were dating, until I saw him and then I’d fall right back in love with the guy. It eventually broke me though. I broke up with him right before he left for the next semester.
LDR are interesting. They have to be with the right person and for the right reasons for it to be worth it.
6 years is a LONG time. There ain’t no way. My boyfriend and I were long distance for about a year…it was hard. But I think some aspects of it, such as being able to focus on school and not moving too fast physically, were benefits of the year. I know now, however, that I will avoid it at all costs. We wanna be together…more than likely married soon…so it wouldn’t make much sense for us to purposely enter into a season of distance.
My first serious relationship lasted 3.5 yrs, 3 of which were long distance. We lived about a 5 hour drive apart during most of the LD time. We started dating in the last semester of high school, and then we became long distance because we went to different universities.
Honestly, I look back and wish we had broken up after the first 4 months of long distance. This is NOT because of the distance, but because the relationship was poison. We’re better off without each other - whether we lived in the same city or not…
The longest LDR I’ve been in is a year and half right now. I don’t think I could do six years. I think if we have to go more than 3 years with him in Canada and me here in Houston I think I might scream, or actually I would just move. At this point in my life I would have that ability, it didn’t seem like that was an option at the time for Ashley.
wow. that is a LONG long-distance relationship! again, I have never been in an LDR, but I think it can work if the couple is willing to make it work. Like Ashley and C did for so long. but I wouldn’t want to be separated for so many years. I don’t think I could do it, honestly. I think most couples could survive the distance for a while if they really love each other, but eventually, you are going to want to be together again for real or you are going to decide it’s not worth it or your heart can’t take it…. LDRs are definitely tough.
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