Last night I stayed at work later than I have in weeks, just to avoid going home. Last night I drank two glasses of wine. Last night I pulled everything out of my kitchen cupboards and scrubbed them, after drinking the aforementioned wine. Last night I ate a Pecan Mudslide for dinner. Last night I cried four times. Last night was my first night living alone.
I’ve been writing and re-writing this blog post all week, about how I thought I would feel when he left. It didn’t do justice for the gut-wrenching-constantly-on-the-verge-of-tears pain that I felt. Still do. My apartment feels empty; lonely. It doesn’t feel like home, anymore.
A few weeks ago when I did my Q&A post; I got several questions about mine and Eric’s relationship. How long we’d been together, how we got together, best date we’d ever gone on etc.
I’ve been avoiding answering those questions for a couple of reasons:
1. It’s almost impossible to sum up 10+ years of knowing each other and 4.5 years of dating into one 500-600 word blog post. The last time I tried, I ended up writing two posts and it was the tip of the iceberg.
2. We’re about to face the hardest test of our relationship, yet.
You’ve guessed it; we are now, officially, in a long-distance relationship. A distance of 1000 kilometres, 621.37 miles, 10 hours of driving.
Why, you ask?
Eric is working towards becoming a welder. It’s something he’s always wanted to do and he’s good at it. He goes to school for 3-5 months and then has to go to work for 7-9 months to get work experience hours in. Once you’ve completed the schooling and the work experience you get your certification. So far, he’s certified as a level C welder and just finished the schooling to become a level B welder; but he has to get 1,800 hours of work experience in to complete it.
Unfortunately, he has been unable to find work in Kamloops. I talked a lot about this at the beginning of my old blog; Eric quit a very good job in Fort St. John to move down here with me, so he hasn’t actually worked for a year. He was unemployed for a few months and has gone to school for the last eight. He’s put his career on hold long enough. He was offered his old job, in FSJ, back and I encouraged him to take it. If I would have asked him to stay; he would have, but I don’t want to do that.
Eric is gone now. He left yesterday afternoon, I said goodbye at lunchtime. When I came home he’d left me ‘I love you’ post-its in every room, his hunting knife on the nightstand and money on the bathroom counter. It made my heart hurt that much more for him.
Luckily, I will be up there next week for a pre-planned vacation to see family and friends before school starts so I will see him then; for six days. After that, who knows.
We want to try and see each other at least once a month, but the problem isn’t only distance, it’s also the road. About half of the drive is straight through the mountains; it’s dangerous to drive in the winter. This leaves flying as our only real option, which is pricey.
We did long-distance for two years before; my first two years of college. Granted, the first year there was only two hours between us and the second year only one hour; so we saw each other every weekend. It was hard, but not nearly as hard as this will be.
I’ve gotten personal on this blog before, but I have new plans for it now. I will be delving deep into the emotions and heartache that comes with being in a long-distance relationship. I’m not idealistic; I know that these six months won’t be easy, I know myself, I know Eric. There will be fights which are escalated by us being far apart, there will be lonely nights where my heart aches for him and for home, there will be second-guessing, there will be nights of crying myself to sleep. I want to chronicle all of this and be completely honest, completely open. For these reasons, some posts in the future may or may not be password-protected.
We’re going to try to make it work; we’re going to try really, really hard.
There’s so much more I want to write, but this post is getting long, so I’m going to wrap it up. I will have more to say on the subject in coming weeks, I’m sure! Thank-you SO much to all my guest bloggers; I have one more guest post about long-distance relationships coming next week! This time it’s a success story.
I hope that in six months I will have a success story to tell, too.
{ 40 comments }
((HUG)) I don’t know what to say, so a hug’s probably the best thing. Take care of yourself as you adjust…and know you’ve got tons of people rooting for you and offering shoulders to cry on or couches to crash on should you need either. Well, you’ve got mine, at least. =P
What a great photo of you two!
H =)
I can only imagine what you’re going through. Hugs to you Amber! Stay positive.
If you’re going to see each other for the holidays, you could think of it as two 3month periods apart. Somehow, less sucky?
I’ve done the LD thing, did that for six months at the beginning of our relationship. It wasn’t easy and I imagine it is infinitely harder for you having been together for so many years already. But you already know that! I’ll be reading along with you
I’m pretty sure the month my stupid boyfriend spent in jail was the hardest month I ever spent. I never pictured myself as being w/ someone who’d be in jail for a month…but sometimes people really REALLY don’t like you, and sometimes they’ve got the law on their side. Anyway…blogging really helped me come through on the otherside ok, so I really hope you can do the same
Wishing you luck!
Long-distance can suck at times, but you two have been together so long and you both really want to make it work - it’ll be hard but you can do it! We’re here for you every step of the way! The first couple days are always the worst - hang in there!
Oh hunny… be strong! I know it’s going to be SO tough at the beginning, but it’ll get easier! You two have SUCH a strong foundation and it’s obviously he just loves you to pieces.
Fall asleep to movies. It’s what I used to do when the Hubs and I lived a couple of hours apart before getting married.
i think because both of you are willing to put in the work to make the relationship work. it will work! and yeah — think of it as two 3-months periods, that might make it a little easier. keep yourself busy with other things! at least you’ve got a cat to keep you company! =)
Thinking about you….I hear it does get easier too. (I have no idea HOW, but I hear that it does.)
Do you want to marry him?
Aw, lovely. This post gave my goosebumps, espcially when I got to the picture at the end. But what I like about the picture? It’s the two of you looking FORWARD, into the future, a future I’m sure the two of you will have together. I have a feeling you’ll have a success story. I mean, I know it will be hard but I have faith. And don’t forget, you have many friends & family members who are always willing to be there for you. Good luck on this new endeavor. I’m rooting for Amber & Eric!
i know you’ll be able to stay positive and work your way through it just fine, and you have tons of bloggers who will read and support everything you do and say and help you through all the tough times. hang in there!
Sending lots of hugs your way Amber. The two of you are a strong couple and will get through this. Just keep focused on the future and all the possibilites it will hold for the two of you. In the meantime, take up a new hobby or become involved in something you always wanted to do but didn’t have the time for, it will help fill the time and make the 6 months pass even more quickly.
Oh Amber, I thought this post might be coming, but I’m sad to see it’s true. I’ll be thinking about you, and I’m only an email away if you ever want talk/vent/cry. LDRs can be so hard, but also soooo worth it. And we’ll all be reading right along with you!
BIG HUGS Amber! xoxo
You can do this. Stay positive. keep the lines of communication open. Do little things, like sending cards/notes in the mail. You can make this work. You will make this work.
I’ll be thinking of you guys! I know it is going to be a big adjustment for you & will probably increase those feelings of homesickness, but you will grow from this experience!
I’m sending hugs your way too! I agree with what’s already been said, 2 3-month separations doesn’t sound quite so awful …
Aww not such a fun week. You can call, txt, email anytime you like
I know Eric loves you very much and you guys are an awesome strong couple! Your both allowing each other to get what you need to get done. Time will pass by before you know it and you’ll be by each others side again. I’m sure you’ll be able to see other more then you think, you’ll see!
Love you
Katrina
Long distance is harder than people can imagine (I’ve been there) but if you can do it your relationship will be even stronger for it and it sounds like you and Eric have a [retty strong foundation to begin with. If you need anyone to chat with or go for a glass of wine and vent, give me a call. Hugs
Oh, and the wedding I went to in Smithers was for my friends that had to suddenly do 1.5 years long distance of three provinces a few years back. As you can see things worked out alright for them!
So that’s why you’ve had all the ldr posts lately. i know it’s going to be tough. But as long as you are both honest with yourselves and each other it will all work out in the end.
Amber, you WILL have a success story to tell! This will only make your relationship stronger. Look at all the families in the military that have done it several times. You can do it too. I’m glad you’re being logical about it, sounds to me you’ve got the right idea. Stay strong! Luckily today we have things like Skype, ichat and email… Hang in there and take care!!
Aww sweetie I figured you two were entering into a long distance relationship, but you know its just for 6 months right? Plus you two have been together for a long time and you know its only temporary
Big hugs!
Oh Amber…I’m sorry to hear that. I imagine that it will be difficult.
The only plus side is that you guys WILL grow stronger. You will become an independent woman and he will be an independent man and when you get together at the end of those 6 monhts, you will be a dynamic team.
It won’t be easy, but the biggest thing is to never give up. There WILL be bad times, there will be fights, there will be heartache, but it’s worth fighting for. Just keep the end picture in sight…
And do little things for each other to stay “active” in each others lives. Make a skype date, send each other love letters and by all means pour your heart out on here. It’s easier said than done, but save your tears for us and try to make all your interactions happy ones!!
Can you tell I am a hopeless romantic??? I don’t doubt you two for ONE second!
Bless your heart. Your post made ME tear up for you! Yall can do this, it will be hard, some days harder than others, but you can do it. Thank goodness for Skype, email, IM, texting…hang in there and go ahead and have a weekend of wallowing. Then get busy to occupy you new free time. You’ll never know what you might learn about yourself.
Hugs! We’ll be right here with you through it all!
As someone currently in a long-distance relationship, I feel your pain. I know everyone hates all the cliches about how the distance makes you have to work at your relationship and strengthens it, but I really do think it’s true. It’s sort of the ultimate test for a relationship. Good luck! It’s nice to have a finite deadline too for your reunion!
Aw, good luck, Amber. For having known and loved each other for as long as the two of you have, this is just a bump in the road. A painful, drawn out bump in the road, for sure, but I think you’ll come out the other side just fine.
It doesn’t make the empty house, the silence, or the “oh! I can’t wait to tell him about this when I get home toni…” any less heartwrenching though, I know. So, a hug if it helps, and know we’re here rootin’ for ya.
Big hugs coming your way. It will be okay, it will all work out. In the meantime, you will drink wine and have a very clean home!
When BF and I started dating, we had about a 5 month stretch where he was in Northern Sask, and I was in Ontario… about 3000 km and an impossibly long drive.
I saw him once during that 5 months (very pricey plane ride), and talked to him about once a week. I also mailed him a letter once a week, which I added to every day.
We made it! And so will you
Amber, hang in there. I can’t imagine how tough that would be, especially after living together and being together for so long. The thing is though, your relationship is strong, probably stronger now than ever. You will make it. And if anything, it offers you the opportunity to head home once in a while, which I know you enjoy.
And wine just might help you cope some nights. Not crazy amounts, but a glass or two can take the edge off. Email if you ever need anything from the internet world or just some positive words! And, I imagine that this time apart will allow you to focus hard on whatever you want…running, getting crafty, cooking some fun meals. It won’t be the same without him. Thanks for sharing and being so candid.
i know that feeling of not wanting to go home and be alone; i’ve been there! the only advice i can give is to stay busy and try to occupy yourself with friends, activities, work, gym time, whatever! good luck!
Based on everything I know about you and Eric I’m sure you’ll make in through. And when you think about it, 6 months isn’t that long. It’ll be over before you know it!
Even though I guessed this was where you are going, I’m still sad for you guys. But I am about to get seriously optimistic right now:
#1- Even if this relationship may be hard, it is going to make the two of you stronger.
#2- I am very optimistic about the fact that there is an end in sight for the two of you. I think long distance relationships are much worse when each person is unsure when the distance will be OVER. Counting down the 6 months will make it much better.
#3- Think of this as a great opportunity to focus on yourself and your friendships with other people. When I was in a long distance relationship I liked how I could be in a relationship but also have really strong friendships with people I could see all the time because the relationship was not taking up a ton of my time.
And remember- keep busy and time will fly! Looking forward to reading about your experience. I think you can do this!
Ughhhhh!!!! Sorry I missed all this! I had a crazy week and didn’t check the reader at all.
I AM SO SORRY! This absolutely sucks. I know how hard LD can be…I did it for 2 years. It sucks horribly. You and Eric seem so strong though; I’m absolutely confident that you guys will be JUST FINE!
Amber, you can totally do six months. It will go by way faster than you think . I would suggest that if you don’t have free calling all the time get Skype to Go for your cell phones. It is 3 bucks a month which is an awesome deal. Also, check out getting a web cam so you can see each other. That is important especially if it might be hard to get from place to place. With airline tickets - the earlier you can plan your trips the better. We use to plan trips about a month out, but now we plan them about three to four months out - example - Alex is coming here in December, we have the dates already and he just needs to book the ticket. I’m going there in November and I already have the ticket. Cuts down on cost. Also, get into the airline frequent flyer programs and on their mailing list. They will send you last minute deals that are good for that weekend and are incredibly cheap. Then if you are free you can book something on a Tuesday and fly on Friday. Let me know if you have any questions about LDRs, I would love to share any other tips I can. You can do this!
Amber!! *HUGE HUG* I am so sorry to hear that Eric had to move! Living alone won’t be easy
Being without him won’t be easy either. But from what I know about you two I KNOW you will make it work! It sucks that you two have to go through that (again), but you will come out stronger 
Awwww luv it’ll be ok. It sounds like you have a solid base and should be able to weather any distance. I know it’s going to be hard but I have faith you will make it through just fine. *Hugs*
You guys can do it. It’ll be able to make you appreciate each of the moments that you do have together.
Don’t forget, there’s at least one success story out there
and yours can be another.
aww amby, you are too cute. and eric too apparently, leaving you a knife and ‘i love you’ post its everywhere? where the hell did he learn that!! hahaha. so yeah, shayne is thinking about moving to sun peaks with me jnow, but if he doesnt, then i will jumping into a ldr as well for the entire winter. and ill be in sun peaks. and your in kamloops, so i guess what im saying is that we can get together LOTS and drink wine and clean your cupboards TOGETHER!!! <3
oh, Amber! I am so sorry you have to go through this– my heart breaks to hear you so upset! like I have said before, I have never been in a long distance relationship, but I can imagine how difficult it must be! but I know you and Eric will make it. you guys have a strong, solid relationship and even though you don’t talk about it all the time on your blog, the love you have for each other is evident. how sweet of him to leave little post-it notes… that is the kind of show of affection and appreciation that lets me know that you WILL have a success story because you guys do really want it to work, no matter how hard it gets. but just know that we — and I am speaking on behalf of the blog community now
— are all here for you to listen to you when you need to vent! xo
I know how hard (read: lonely) that a LDR can be - before I moved to England to be with Jase, he had moved here five months earlier for work. It was hard, yep, but if you’re honet with each other and make the efforts to remind the other that you’re thinking of them, things will work out. -hug-
Hey Amber,
I’m sorry I’m just now commenting on this post. I’ve been thinking about you!
I’m so sorry you’re so sad right now — I would have cried my eyes out a million times. I can’t even handle John living me home alone for a few days. I hate when he goes on business trips for up to a week so I can’t even imagine living on my own for six months!
I think it’s so wonderful that you didn’t ask your boy to stay and instead encouraged Eric to take back his job and pursue his dream. That shows just how strong your relationship is by putting the other person first.
Although this is a really sucky situation, you guys are totally going to get through this. You guys have been together for four and a half years — and known each other for 10 years — with all this history behind you, I think you have a really steady foundation. I can tell you guys have a really great relationship and are so good together — and I bet this experience is going to bring the two of you even closer together.
I think it’s so romantic that he left you “I love you” post-its all over your home. Aww, and that he left you his hunting knife on the nightstand and money on the bathroom counter! What a sweetheart. You really have such a great guy.
I’ll be reading and all the way through your journey. I am going to be rooting for you guys! I know you guys can do this!
Much love.
XOXO
Comments on this entry are closed.