Old-fashioned way: Girl meets boy, boy meets girl. Girl and boy fall in love, get married, have kids. End of story.
BUT, how exactly DOES girl meet boy? More often than not; it was at school or through mutual friends.
New-fashioned way: Girl is too independent to be held down by one man that she met in school, so she ventures out into the world on her own. She goes to college where she meets people, but still isn’t ready to give up her independence, so she moves onto the real world; working 9-5, cocktail hour with friends, countless blind dates and one-night stands. She’s finally ready to find her prince, but where is he and how exactly does she go about finding him? (Boys, change all the pronouns in this to the masculine and it’s the same ole story for you)
Enter online dating.
About a month ago I put out a call-out on my blog and on twitter for online dating stories/experiences. The response was insane. Emails, comments and tweets came pouring in.
People told me their reasons for joining;
“I had been single about 8 months and seeing as how my circle of friends are all in relationships/married and I worked two jobs and didn’t get out so much and certainly wasn’t meeting anyone on my own I thought I’d give it a try.”
“Before I joined eH, I thought “you have to be seriously lame to PAY to look for a partner through an online dating service” but after awhile, I started realizing that I wanted a relationship and what would it really hurt just to try it?!”
“I thought it would be fun! E-harmony appealed to me because it’s secure – you don’t have to give out an e-mail address and they ask you over 400 questions initially so that you are matched up only with those you are “compatible” with. I didn’t really want to waste time e-mailing with someone where the only thing we had in common was, say, a love of tennis. Basically, I trusted the security and science of e-harmony. It was $100 for three months, which I thought was a lot of money if I didn’t find someone, but after humming and hawing, I really wanted to give it a try.”
I got success stories;
“I met my fiancee on e-harmony and it took me MONTHS to tell any of my friends of family this.”
“I met my husband on e-harmony…we’ve been married for nearly 3 years and we’re a great match (in my humble opinion).”
“I met him on a Tuesday and by the following Tuesday we were official. It was that strong of an attraction. We’ve been inseparable ever since then and I still can’t believe that I met this awesome guy on an online dating site. We always joke that we’re the best thing either of us has ever bought on the internet.”
“I went back to POF (Plenty of Fish) and found a profile that seemed interesting…sent him an email…sent a few back and forth, met for tea at Starbucks and have been seeing him ever since! He can write in complete sentences, knows how to use punctuation and capitalization….really, who knew that could be so attractive?!”
I got horror stories;
“Let’s see; there was Steroid boy. Not sure if he felt the need to tell me he used steroids to a) explain the mood swings or b) explain the shrunken ‘nads. Didn’t stick around long enough to find out! I KNEW it was going nowhere and figured he knew the same. WRONG. He emailed me a week later saying that he hoped whatever was bothering me was better now. Um, dude, it was YOU.”
“I went on a string of dates with all different sorts of guys that almost always ended up being balding significantly more than their online picture showed.”
“I was supposed to meet up with this guy for coffee one weekend but then my grandfather passed away very suddenly, so I emailed and said I would touch base when I got back. He accused me of making up the death of my grandfather to get out of meeting up with him (WTF???) and said he was glad he didn’t have to meet a liar like me. I did respond back to him with a brief message, including the link to my grandpa’s obituary. I hope he felt like the biggest asshole in the world after getting that.”
Obviously all these stories are from the women’s perspective – got no responses from men. Any males out there who’d like to share their story, feel free to contact me!
I’m going to wrap up this post here, tell me what YOU guys think of online dating. Is it a good thing, a bad thing? Would you be leery about meeting someone online? Do you think it’s the “new-age” way to meet people?
Another post on this topic coming soon!
PS: Off-topic, but I want to wish a VERY happy birthday to my grandma!!! Miss you!! XO
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I am leery of the whole online thing, since I have trouble with people (sadly, men…) lying to my face, let alone have the added bonus of a computer screen between the two of us. I have not met anyone worthwhile online, and my ‘prefect’ match from e-Harmony was a 64 year old, very recently widowed Chinese man…I am not Asain…I am not in my 60′s…not sure what so perfect between us, and I wasn’t willing to find out! I have since cancelled e-Harmony!
I definitley don’t think it’s a “bad” thing – not something I’ll be venturing into any time soon, but hey, it works for some people! When I think about it, I do meet people “online” via twitter and blogs, but just not through a Dating Service. hmm, does that count? ha, kinda weird!
So glad I’m not the only one with bad online dates!
you basically described me in college. go to college. dated but nothing serious. too independent. ventured out in the real world. Started working. then started realizing, wait i want to date. but i wasn’t meeting anyone through friends or work. So in came online dating. not the best experience ever, but I wouldn’t knock it. it lead me to where I am now.
As you know, I’ve hung up my hat on the online dating world. I know it works for some, but my experience was so awful, I can’t bring myself to give another shot. I am trying to remain hopeful that I can meet someone naturally w/out having to read 1,000 profiles… And I’ve also decided there are worse things than being single!
I guess I missed the opportunity to send you my stories! Darn it. I have some great ones, that I suppose could be considered horror stories but I think they are just plain funny now.
I do think it’s a newer-age way of dating because like you said, sometimes your friends are all attached, you’re busy with work/school/gym/social life and how in the world are you going to meet someone? I tried it several times, several sites, and while I met a few decent guys the baggage they carried was just too heavy for them to move forward so I gave up. I met Irish through a friend and it’s pretty awesome if you ask me.
I have a TON of friends who met their S.O. online, through dating sites, and some even through myspace! I think it’s a great, safe (if you are smart about it) way to meet people.
Hee hee….it’s a good thing I can laugh about it now!!
H =)
I met my fiancee on E-Harmony (I was one of your success stories)…..But believe me, I had about 10 bad matches for every one decent one. I was about ready to give up when I had found Dan!
Even though some of my family know about it, I’m still a bit embarrassed sometimes that I met someone online, though!
I’ve met some awesome people through online dating sites. I’ve also met some real douchebags. But then again, it’s about the same ratio as the guys I’ve met in bars, in class, through work or through friends so I consider it more or less a wash.
I would wish that people wouldn’t lie on it so much or be so batshit crazy.
Besides, bad dates/online profiles or messages make for great blog fodder.
I second Heather’s opinion. I have a friend who uses(d) eH and had some success. I guess don’t knock it til you try it.
OOoh, glad to see you’re finally posting on this topic! Fun Fun! And cool to hear those who found there FOREVER man online!
Never tried this, but it seems more common that meeting people in bars! I’ve heard tons of stories about it…both good and bad.
I loved reading all those mini-stories! very interesting stuff in there. I am not against online dating but I have never tried it myself. I think it can be very successful for some people and it can also be not-so-successful. I wouldn’t be opposed to using a online dating site because, working at home, I can see how difficult it would be to meet someone (if I didn’t already have a bf). Still, I would be a bit leery about meeting someone I only knew via the Internet, but that’s why I would met in a very public place in the daytime, and maybe even have a friend sitting a few tables away! haha. one of my boyfriend’s guy friends is a member of multiple dating sites and has spent a ton of money and he hasn’t had much luck at all. I feel bad for the poor guy! I think he is just wasting his money. But that’s why I say that it works for some, and not-so-much for others.
I met my boyfriend on hot or not dot com. Before him, i met nothing but losers and pricks out to get booty!
I think it really is the luck of the draw. Nowadays, guys find it easier to get laid by talking to someone on the internet. I had guys talking sex from hello….obviously that’s what they were after.
I did talk to the boyfriend for 2 months before we met in person and that gave me a good insight as to what he would be like
If I wasn’t already in a relationship I would totally be up for trying j-date (aka an online dating site for Jews)
I think it all depends on the mindset and situation. I wouldn’t online date right now, because I wouldn’t date at all right now. However, if I ever get to the point that I want to date, I might go online, because at that point I’d probably “mean business”. At least that way I’d know I was meeting men who were on the same page as I was, or at least that’d be more likely. I’ve met people online before, and some of them have become my best friends. I guess the only major difference in online dating is intention.
Several of my friends have tried online dating, with varying degrees of success. Conversely, one of my best (guy) friends was so fed up with online dating that he finally asked out the girl who ran the coffee shop at his office, who he’d had a crush on for months. They’re still together and happy as clams.
When I went through a period where I had over one dozen friends get engaged in the same month and I *still* was boyfriendless, a friend and I signed up for eH on a lark, and kind of as a joke. I know a few people who have met their SO’s on eH, so I don’t knock it at all. But, even though it’s so much more common, I still feel like there’s this stigma that it’s for “losers” who can’t meet people in “real life”- which is SO wrong! But I haven’t really told many people I’m on there, lol. Anyway, I haven’t had any horror stories, and I haven’t had any major successes either. That said, I don’t put much effort into it
I’m talking to a pretty nice guy right now, don’t know if I’ll meet him or not, we’re not quite there yet 
This is a great post!
If I hadn’t met B when I did, I TOTALLY would have… mostly for the blog fodder. But honestly, I don’t think it’s a big deal. Why not, you know? Just be safe!
interesting post! glad one of my stories made it
I really don’t know my thoughts on online dating…
I’m not saying that it’s bad to online date.
I do believe it’s the new thing…it seems as if everyone is trying it out. If I ever would to do the online dating scene, I would honestly try it out at eHarmony. It seems more “real” then if I were to go to another online dating website such as chemistry.com or plentyoffish.com
It seems as if eHarmony would have people who are truly trying to find someone to be with instead of trying to get with someone for the fun of it.
I love your term “new fashioned”! That’s totally accurate lol
I met Mister at university, he was my TA, it was a totally beautiful and serendipitous way to meet someone. Had I not had serendipity on my side I think I would have started working part time in the evenings in a coffee shop and hoped for the best, but I’m slightly old fashioned that way =)
I agree with a lot of that…but I’ve done online dating and most of us don’t do it because we’ve “had too many one night stands.” And I think the EXTREME opposite for guys – a lot of the guys I met on there hadn’t dated a girl in awhile, or were sick of going out to bars and meeting girls who were looking for one night stands!
I’m sure all of the sites are different but the intentions of people on there really run the gamut. I dated a guy I met on there for awhile and even though it didn’t work out I’d definitely recommend it to anyone looking to meet new people.
hi i am new on this page so i want to talk and date other boys online so can i see some of you boys.I just want to meet new people because i am single i have been single for 9 years so i think i should be dating new people so i want to find the right boy.And i need somebody around 18 years old or 16 year old but i need a emo boy friend so that you know that ok by.