I’m still watching Gilmore Girls, I’m half way through the sixth season right now. Rory and her boyfriend Logan just had a fight because she thought he “cheated” on her.
This reminded me of the epic Ross & Rachel break-up, please tell me there are other FRIENDS fans out there? Ross thought they were on a break and Rachel thought they weren’t. It’s a similar situation with Rory and Logan. However, in Gilmore Girls, Rory and Logan just got in a big fight one night and then stopped talking for a few weeks. Apparently, Logan thought that fight signalled them breaking up whereas Rory thought they were just “taking time apart”. Nothing was discussed between the two of them. Here’s how Logan pleads his case:
Logan: I thought we were broken up. I thought that’s what the fight was. I thought that’s what the separation was. Do you believe me? Do you believe that I honestly thought we weren’t together?
Rory: I guess.
Logan: So then if you believe that, that I thought we weren’t together then do you believe that in my mind I was not cheating on you.
Rory: I guess.
Now, at the risk of being accused of being a traitor to womankind I will admit that I was totally on Ross’ side in the whole Ross and Rachel dilemma. Rachel said to Ross, “maybe we should take a break” Ross said something along the lines of “OK, let’s take a break let’s go get some frozen yogurt or something” and Rachel said, “No Ross, a break from us.”
Side note: I had to watch Gilmore Girls in order to quote the above dialogue. I didn’t even have to turn FRIENDS on to get the R&R dialogue and I think I’m pretty close. Seriously, I’m obsessed with FRIENDS, I watch the seasons over and over again.
The reason I was on Ross’ side with that whole thing was because Rachel said straight out to him, “let’s take a break from our RELATIONSHIP”. I’ve talked about my own experience with an on/off relationship. Even though Eric and I did break up a lot we were always clear on the fact that we were BROKEN UP and therefore had free reign to do whatever we wanted with whoever we wanted.
The whole Rory and Logan situation is a little bit different, they had a fight, stopped talking and he assumed they were broken up. You don’t assume things like that. I honestly think breaking up is something that two people should discuss and make sure they’re both on the same page. Especially if you’re in love.
I know, I know. These are TV shows I’m talking about here, but I’m curious to know what you guy’s think about break-ups and cheating.
I would consider anything as simple as cuddling or holding hands cheating and I also think there’s such a thing as “emotional cheating”. Has anybody seen ‘He’s just not that into you’?
Would you have forgiven Logan? Were you on Ross or Rachel’s side? What do you define as “cheating”? Have you ever been cheated on?
If you feel like sharing, tell me your experiences with cheating and break-ups!
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
See, and I actually COMPLETELY disagree with you.
If I was dating someone and they refused to speak to me for weeks, I would assume that we were done as well. Some people don’t like to wrap up their problems in a neat little bow and instead leave them scattered all over the floor just to kick them up later on when it’s convenient for them. (Not to say I would go out and sleep with someone else because I was broken up for 2 weeks – oh and I don’t watch GG so I am going based on info you provided).
As for the “break” situation. Put it into a different perspective, if you said you were taking a break at work it means that you aren’t leaving for good, it means you will be back whenever you are done doing what you need to do. Cheating is emotional and terrible, and it’s my deal breaker. If Danny and I had ever taken a “break” and he slept with someone, I would be devastated and it would be the end of us (granted we are married, so we have been together a long time)…but still, I was totally on Rachel’s side because a break means you are still involved, you are just supposed to deal with the issue at hand.
And I agree with your description of cheating…as far as I was concerned Bradley Coopers character cheated the second he called Scarlett Johansson back (which is basically what you said!)…my heart broke for his wife – I certainly wouldn’t want to find out my husband had a friend that he flirted like that with!
Anyway, yes, I have been cheated on, sorry I don’t want to talk about it on here…but yeah it led to a break up, and also a year of therapy…not fun.
Ohhhh man. Cheating. I totally am of the belief that cheating can be emotional. My ex was already halfway out the door talking with another girl everyday before we broke up. I know (or hope) he didn’t physically cheat on me, but I definitely consider what he did cheating.
Yeah, Logan totally cheated on Rory (I love the Gilmore Girls, too!) … how can you think that you’re broken up if you’re just not talking? I never did get that.
As for Friends (I LOVE LOVE LOVE Friends), I was more on Rachel’s side … if he truly did love her and really wanted to be with HER, then how could he go and sleep with the copy girl the same night their “break” started? That said, I always wanted them to end up together … so glad they did.
I had a very on-again-off-again relationship with the guy who is now my husband (we broke up and got back together a whopping 8 times before we eventually got married) … and every time we broke up it was like you said, “see whomever you want”. Very clear cut.
Nicole
http://www.notperfectbutbeautifullife.blogspot.com
P.S. I love your blog! Your Flashback Friday post on Glamour’s website got me interested in the first place. Keep on writing!
Oh, that guy on HJNTIY most definitely cheated on his wife as soon as he called that girl back. Even flirting with her outside of the grocery store the first time they met was crossing the line in my opinion. He was such a sleezeball, and I am sorry, but ScarJo always plays the slut, it seems! I just hate her!! I went to that movie by myself & so badly wanted to turn to the lady next to me & say, 'don't you just hate her?' What a creep.
Wow, I really feel strongly about that storyline from the movie, huh? I just think emotional cheating is so terrible – it's different from the physical cheating, but it's as much of a betrayal in my opinion.
As far as the break thing, I think a 'break' is different from a 'break up'. When I was in HS, my boyfriend & I took a 'break' right around Homecoming, and then he brought another girl to the dance and I was SO PISSED at him.
I have never cheated & I haven't been cheated upon. I can't imagine how difficult that would be.
Believe it or not, I never really got into friends :S I mean I watch it once in a while, but not obsessively (Sex and the City, on the other hand…*swoons*).
As for the emotional cheating, I am TOTALLY there with you. I think that if it’s not working with the person, try to work it out, and then break-up if you have to! Cheating just puts salt on the wound, I find!
Sorry for the ramblings
I honestly see both point of views between Logan/Rory and Ross/Rachel, which is directly due to how freakin different the male and female brain is! LOL!
I definitely think that taking a break or breaking up should require a conversation where both parties are for sure on the same page and know if seeing other people is an option. Although if my bf and I just broke up and he was seeing someone else so quickly I would be crushed!
I totally agree about the guy from HJNTIY. He was just ASKING for temptation by even calling Scarlett Johansson’s character in the first place. This whole situation really bothered me.
I think that both Ross and Logan were justified in saying they didn’t cheat, but as Rory or Rachel, I would still be hurt by it. It’s not the technical aspect, it’s that someone you cared that much about could turn to someone else so quickly.
That guy from He’s Just Not That Into You was totally cheating way before they ever slept together. I agree with you. I’ve always been 100% against blaming the other woman, but I was kind of pissed at Scarlet Johannsen’s character. I guess I was pissed that she’d want to be with a guy who cheats.
Oh no- I don’t watch like any of these, at least not religiously. But a friend of mine had a similar, sort of, situation lately.
They were definitely broken up- it was official and all- but two weeks later they got back together. Then she found out that right before they got back together he had slept with his best (female) friend…who was supposed to be a lesbian. Again, a week after ending their 1 year + long relationship, he sleeps with his “lesbian” best friend. Did she have a right to be angry?
I’m biased (obviously) but I thought yes. They had just broken up, how could he run off and sleep with someone else like immediately? But then again, it wasn’t really cheating. She had just thought (he had said) he wasn’t the kind of guy to just sleep with a woman unless he was really involved with her. So it was a surprise. And to be honest, if I were in her shoes, I’d be sort of pissed to. At any rate, they broke up a week after getting back together, for good this time. But it’s situations like that that make me realize dating is confusing. So glad Nathan and I are a pretty stable relationship- he knows exactly what I think cheating is, so no excuses
~Amanda
http://onehappypanda.blogspot.com
Amanda – I think she has a right to be angry. But he had just as much right to do it. He was probably under the assumption that it was truly over between them, and that they wouldn’t get back together.
Honestly, it hard to break-up and then get back together with someone. Are you not allowed to do anything when you are broken up? If so they not only can you not doing anything with the person you were dating, but you can’t do anything with anyone else.
I think the easiest solution is to not date exes. Unfortunately, it isn’t always that easy.
For the record, I love both Friends and GG! As for the cheating thing, I haven’t really been cheated on, well, I guess it was cheating… I almost didn’t remember this but here’s the deal: My first boyfriend kissed another girl while we were on a break. But when he came home (he had been away being a counselor at a summer camp) he told me about it and we broke up, I mean he broke up with me, for good. I guess I could say I felt like I was cheated on, but it was more a love letter he wrote me while he was away than the kiss that made me feel betrayed.
Anyway, me and that same boy went on breaks many times during our relationship (and three breakups, too), and I think there is a definite difference between being on a “break” and being “broken up.” And that does need to be clearly communicated between the two individuals to avoid a Ross/Rachel or Rory/Logan problem. When you are on a break, you are taking time away from the other person–but not spending time in the arms of another person– to figure out what you really want, if you see the relationship going anywhere.
And while you can do anything you want to do with whomever you want to do it with once you are “officially” broken up, I don’t think it is wise to jump from one relationship to the next. but that’s just my two cents.
I must say that I love Logan in that show. However, I think Rory should have stood her ground a bit more if that’s how she felt, just so Logan understood better. BUT if she didn’t talk to him for weeks, what was he supposed to think? So while it’s not cool, I think Logan was right to think that way and as a girl, I would just hope that he would assume we were on a “break” and not broken up.
As for the Rachel/Ross thing, I had a boyfriend say let’s take a break from us, but it included a specific time period in which we would talk, work things out and get together… or so I thought. Turns out he thought the break involved meeting and dating another girl. I thought it meant me crying at home every night until I found this out.
I guess it all depends on the person.
As for cheating I think emotional cheating (Extensive conversations, emails and etc) are just as bad as physical cheating.
Oddly I once heard this topic covered on the Ryan Seacrest radio show and a caller said they considered cheating doing anything w/ someone you wouldn’t want your partner to see/hear/know about. That’s what I agree with!
“But we were on a BREAK!”
The Captain and I were giong back and forth with the break up, but getting back together. He found out I had slept with someone on a break and he still brings it up to this day. I plead Ross’s case “we were on a break.”
I guess it boils down to talking about the break means. I thought it was over and was just trying to move on. But if someone just needs some space, then one should not have sex with someone else (but making out is ok). ha ha.
I think if you truly love someone, you wouldn’t sleep with someone else right after you’re broken up, especially if you think there’s a chance of getting back together. So I’m actually not on either Logan or Ross’ side.
I don’t know if that makes sense.
Hmmm — I agree with Nory and Kate. There’s a concept in Judaism (I’m not Jewish) described as “building a fence around the Torah,” where you don’t do anything remotely resembling cheating in order to make sure you don’t end up doing it.
Guys tend to fall quickly into relationships as soon as they think they’re broken up, as a way of getting through them, so I understand those TV character men — but I also see how the women would be hurt.
So…I didn’t read your blog (or any blogs haha) back when you originally wrote this post but Eric and I are watching a boring movie right now so I’m going through your favorite posts haha…I know I am pretty cool. Anyway, I TOTALLY agree with you about the Ross and Rachel thing!!!! I am a MASSIVE Friends fan too- also can quote it without looking back and constantly compare life situations to Friends. I was always annoyed by that Ross and Rachel story line because I totally agreed with Ross. Sure, I wouldn’t be THRILLED if someone did that to me, but it’s not called cheating.
I always watched GG back in the day, and I can’t remember what my opinion was on the Logan/Rory situation- I do remember why he did it. Personally I think it’s also not cheating, but he was kind of…irritating anyway so I think that clouded my opinion of that situation. Okay enough reading of old posts!
What a hot topic. I’ve been cheated on and it was a nasty situation that definitely burned me.
I believe there is physical cheating AND emotional cheating. Having an inappropriate relationship online/email/text with someone you’re NOT dating is totally cheating in my book.
As for the Ross/Rachel “on a break”….I think if you’re on a break, it’s not really cheating. But where Ross was wrong is that he immediately jumped into bed with someone else. That’s just disrespectful. Not cheating, but disrespectful. However, I think that’s how guys operate.
I can’t comment on the other show because I’ve never seen it.